Hidden Desires
by D.J. Dresden
Summary: COMPLETE. HPDM Takes place in the sixth year. Draco discovers that hatred can mean something else and is torn between his old Slytherin image and his new feelings. RemusSirius also involved. Please R&R.
1. Forgiving Is Hard

  
  
-Rated R for- Drama, Language, Slash, Sexual Content-  
  
-Spoilers- All five books.-  
  
-Summery- This is a Harry/Draco fic that happens in the sixth year. Draco finds out that sometimes feelings are mixed up. - 

-

**Hidden Desires  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Forgiving Is Hard**

-

Harry sat on the train to Hogwarts watching the trees flash by in little green blurs. He had been staring out of the window for ages as Hermione and Ron chatted happily. "We're getting closer to our last year!" said Ron excitedly, "Imagine it! One more year and after that we can be whatever we want! Hey Harry, got any ideas of what you're going to do?"  
  
Harry turned to him with a thoughtful look on his face replying slowly, "I don't know. Maybe get into Quidditch. What do you think?"  
  
Hermione piped in, "Oh Harry, that would be wonderful! You would do so well."  
  
Harry grinned feeling a bit proud of himself recalling all the matches the Gryffindors won in the past years. Quidditch was definitely something he still enjoyed doing after all these years. Just then Cho Chang knocked at the sliding door smiling. After the fifth year and the things they went through, Cho and Harry got back together now in the sixth year.  
  
Harry smiled and got up opening the sliding door and stepped outside. "Care for a walk?" asked Cho flirtatiously.  
  
"Down the hall?" asked Harry laughing a bit.  
  
"Where else?" said Cho sarcastically. At that they began to walk until they reached the end of the hall and stepped into a dark corner that a few cleaning supplies occupied. Harry leaned over kissing Cho very passionately and slowly.  
  
Before they could go any further a drawling voice said, "Well, well, Potter. Snogging with your little girlfriend?" It was Draco Malfoy.  
  
Furiously Harry responded, "Nose out, Draco!" He noticed how flushed Draco looked. He was very pink and looked as if he had just seen somebody die. There was no hint of amusement. It was hard for Harry to stare into those cold silver eyes and figure out what was going on inside.  
  
Cho ran off embarrassed. She always did things like this. She returned into her compartment and hid.  
  
"What do you want?" said Harry even more furious. Every note of his voice quivered with hatred.  
  
-  
  
What did he want? Draco thought about this for a minute. He wasn't exactly sure what he wanted. All he knew was that for some reason the sight of Harry and Cho made him extremely angry. To see them act so happy and so damn in love. It made his insides turn and churn. Before he could respond to Harry, Harry spoke again, "Why do you always do this? Why can't you ever just leave me alone? You can never just let me be! Why don't you ever fuck off! You're just like a plague!"  
  
Draco responded curtly, "But of course, and why is that, Potter? Hmm, let me think. Could it have something to do with how much I hate you? You're bad blood, Potter. You're a dog."  
  
When Harry heard the word dog, he launched himself on Draco. He grabbed Draco by the collar and threw him up against the wall, "I will tell you something, Malfoy, don't you ever say anything that has to do with Sirius. I swear, I will hex you so bad that nobody will recognize you and you won't even know who you are. It'll be like you're dead. But really, it's not like you have anyone except you mother, since your father is still in Azkaban, and hey, I thought you said a while ago that he was going to break out? When's is this going to happen?" with these words Harry looked very pleased with himself, giving Draco a small smile.  
  
Draco couldn't stand it and he quickly said, "I'm so sorry."  
  
-  
  
Sorry? What? Harry couldn't believe his ears. Draco never said sorry for anything. What was he playing at? There was some cruel sinister joke behind this. "Sorry?" Harry repeated.  
  
"Damn it, Potter! Are you deaf! I said it, now get off of me!" replied Draco fiercely.  
  
Harry loosened his grip on Draco considerably and stared at him in disbelief. "What are you playing at, Malfoy?"  
  
"I'm not playing at anything! Are you dull in the head? I said I was sorry," said Draco but his voice was soft and almost a chilling whisper.  
  
Harry could feel Draco's breath against his face. He stepped back from the other boy suspiciously. Draco wasn't sorry, he would never be sorry about anything, but it wasn't like him to act as though he was. "You're not sorry for anything," said Harry shaking.  
  
"Why do you care so much if I am, Potter?" said Draco with a bit of his usual smile coming back. "Why does it matter?"  
  
Harry sneered saying, "It doesn't."  
  
"Fine then, Potter. Everything is normal then," said Draco stepping closer to Harry.  
  
Harry stepped backward stumbling a bit. He wasn't sure why he hadn't walked away by now but something was very strange about Draco.  
  
-  
  
Draco was very pleased to see that Harry seemed frightened although he wasn't sure why Harry was. He wasn't exactly sure why he was stepping so close to Harry now. He slowly leaned forward and pressed his lips against Harry's before either of them knew what was happening. He centered his hand on the back of Harry's head as he pressed his own lips against the other boy's soft lips. A bit of Harry's saliva got into his mouth as he swallowed it eagerly. It was a frantic desperate kiss. Suddenly it was broken by Harry who shoved Draco away angrily.  
  
"Oh my fucking God, Draco! What was THAT all about?" yelled Harry, "What was that?"  
  
Draco looked stunned and embarrassed. Several students peeked into the corridor from their compartments with looks of curiosity on their faces.  
  
Draco stared at them eagerly and said with mounting anger, "Go back inside your compartments! There is nothing to see here!" A few of them disappeared but others stayed with looks of interest.  
  
He dragged Harry into an nearby empty compartment and shut the door. Harry stared at him in disbelief. "Draco you answer me! Why the hell did you just.. kiss me?"  
  
"I didn't kiss you.." said Draco with a look of confusion.  
  
"Yes you did! Your mouth was on mine, I call that kissing!"  
  
Draco shook his head. How could this happen to him? Why in the world did he kiss Harry Potter? Before he could stop himself he said, "You didn't like it?"  
  
Harry's mouth dropped in shock and practically shouted, "Of course I didn't! I have a girlfriend, Malfoy! What game are you playing here?"  
  
Draco looked very disappointed.  
  
-  
  
Harry was trying to figure out the look on Draco's face. He stared hard into those cold gray eyes feeling very different about Draco. What had happened? Why had Draco decided he wanted to kiss Harry? This had to be some cruel joke yet somehow Harry saw how desperate Draco looked. It was almost pathetic.  
  
Draco finally said, "We'll talk about this later, okay?"  
  
Harry said in a firm voice, "You're right, we will. You'll explain what the hell you think you're doing."  
  
At this Harry brushed past the other boy and disappeared down the corridor.  
  
Draco had **definitely** lost it. If anyone found out that he, Draco Malfoy, had kissed Harry Potter, he was done with. Everything he was against just shattered in front of his very own eyes. It was as if someone slammed him hard in the stomach with a brick. He sat down feeling so sick that he slid down onto the floor and began to throw up.  
  
-  
  
When Harry returned to his compartment he slammed the door shut so hard that the glass broke behind him. "Damn it!"  
  
Hermione promptly took out her wand and said, "Reparo," repairing the broken glass. Then she turned to Harry. "What's wrong?"  
  
Harry turned and looked at her not sure what to say. He couldn't tell her or Ron that Draco Malfoy kissed him. That was definitely not something that he wanted to be known. He didn't know why it bothered him so much, it's not like he kissed Draco back. He didn't, did he? The thought sickened him more. No, it was final, nobody needed to know anything about this. This was something between him and his nemesis who had some trick up his sleeve.  
  
"Nothing," lied Harry as he sat down.  
  
Ron who was unsure what to say looked at Hermione questioningly. Hermione slowly said, "Well maybe we should change into our robes. Expect that we'll be at Hogwarts soon enough."  
  
"_Fine_," said Harry coldly and he got up and rummaged around for his robes.  
  
**End of Chapter 1**  
  
-=-  
  
Please review and let me know what you think. 


	2. Your Essence Is Sickening

-Rated R for- Drama, Language, Slash, Sexual Content  
  
-Spoilers- All five books.  
  
-Summery- This is a Harry/Draco fic that happens in the sixth year. Draco finds out that sometimes feelings are mixed up.  
  
-  
  
**Hidden Desire  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Your Essence Is Sickening**

-  
  
Everyone arrived at Hogwarts with high spirits. Everyone except for Harry and Draco. Harry kept replaying what had happened to him to earlier. He just couldn't get over the fact that Draco had kissed him. He never had expected that a boy would kiss him, especially one that hated him so much. But why? Why, Harry thought, did Draco kiss him? Draco's parents would definitely not have approved of that action. There had to be something behind Draco's actions. He just couldn't figure it out.  
  
They entered the Great Hall before Harry even realized that they had been inside of the school. Everyone bustled over to their tables sitting down and began talking to one another. Soon the sorting started and was already over before he had even realized it. Dumbledore gave one of his usual speeches. It was clear that Dumbledore's age was really catching up to him. The sight of him almost made Harry forget about Draco for a while.  
  
Hermione nudged Harry hard in the arm and he turned to her and said, "Ow! What?"  
  
She whispered to him, "Harry, Malfoy is staring at you really hard. Bet he's up to something." Malfoy was the only person that Hermione never made excuses for. It was clear that she truly hated him. Though not even as much as Ron hated the Slytherin boy. Ron despised every little bit of Draco and he had reason to. Draco had always been so cruel to him.  
  
Ron wasn't going to worry about any of Draco's taunts though. He probably couldn't care less because he was now the Captain of the Quidditch team. It wasn't something anyone really expected, but regardless, it happened. Harry couldn't help but to smile every time Ron started talking about how great Quidditch was going to be this year. Yet secretly, Harry wondered why he had not been made Quidditch Captain. He was just as good as Ron, but even better. With him as the seeker they almost always won. Ron was sloppy. Harry couldn't help but to be envious.  
  
But Harry knew that there was some reasoning for this. There had to be. He was lost in thought and forgot all about the kiss.  
  
-  
  
Draco sat there with a blank look on his face as he ate. He still felt like throwing up everywhere. It was so sickening. He nearly choked on a piece of chicken when Harry had glanced over at him. Why the hell was Harry looking at him? What if people noticed? He tried not to feel so paranoid, but he couldn't help it. He had replayed the kiss he had planted on Harry's beautiful lips hundreds, if not thousands, of times! No! Not Harry's beautiful lips. Just Harry's lips. There was nothing beautiful about Harry. Nothing! He tried to tell himself this over and over again yet it just wouldn't stick. There was something addictive about Harry Potter and he had to find out what exactly it was.  
  
He then played words in his head that his mother had said to him days before he was going to go to Hogwarts. He had gotten into a bad fight with Pansy and sworn that he hated her and his mother told him, "Sometimes, you'll find love in those who you believe that you hate." That bitch had cursed him! But she wouldn't have known that he was going to turn around and kiss Harry Potter. And how could he have been cursed? She didn't do any kind of incantation or spell.  
  
He felt so upset that he got up from the table before dinner was even over and headed to the Slytherin Common Room. Then he realized he didn't know what the password was so he would just have to wait until somebody who did came.  
  
-  
  
The Gryffindors entered the Gryffindor tower excitedly. Harry headed straight up to the boys dorm he shared with Ron, Neville, Seamus, and Dean. He sat down on his four poster bed thinking to himself. He had remembered Malfoy's kiss again. It was like the kiss of death. Why was it bothering him so much?  
  
Just then Ron entered chatting happily with Neville about Quidditch. "Woah Ron! Being Quidditch Captain is awesome! I wish I could play!" Neville piped excitedly. At this Ron grinned.  
  
"It is pretty cool," replied Ron. Harry could see the proud look on his face. It made Harry even more sick.  
  
Harry quickly closed his four poster and laid down. Before he knew it was drifting off into an uneasy sleep.  
  
-  
  
Draco sat inside the Slytherin Common Room. People had come along that had known the Slytherin password, so he eventually got in. "Are you okay?" asked Crabbe who was chewing on something he and Goyle had taken from dinner.  
  
"Yeah, cause your are lookin' sort of sick," asked Goyle who was eating a cupcake.  
  
"I'm fine damn it! What the hell makes you think there is something the matter with me? I'm perfectly happy, you idiots!" snapped Draco angrily.  
  
"Aw, Draco! It's just you've been such a good friend to us we always wanna help you out! Here, have a cupcake!" said Crabbe stupidly.  
  
Draco threw the cupcake at the wall then stormed off into the dorm. He laid down on his four poster bed storming. Everyone wanted to baby him always. He was fine.  
  
He stared blankly ahead. Tomorrow he had potions class. He would be seeing Harry then. Would Harry try to talk to him? No, Harry wouldn't dare speak of the kiss in front of other students and especially in front of Professor Snape. Just the thought of it embarrassed Draco even more. How could he have done such a foolish thing?  
  
He didn't care about Harry Potter. Why in the world would he? This was the boy that helped make his father go to Azkaban. Harry Potter was Dumbledore's pet. No, he didn't care anything about Harry Potter.  
  
He fell asleep.  
  
-  
  
Harry awoke the next morning realizing that he had fallen asleep with his clothes from yesterday still on. He got up and changed and looked around. He was surprised to see the other boys were already gone. He wondered if he had overslept.  
  
He headed down to breakfast and entered the Great Hall looking around. Spotting Ron and Hermione he went over to them smiling and sat down. "Hey Harry," said Ron eating toast.  
  
"At first I thought I overslept," replied Harry who grabbed a muffin and started spreading butter on it.  
  
"Naw," said Ron, "Hey, Quidditch practice is going to start really soon, Harry! Can't wait right?"  
  
Harry tried not to sneer and faked a smile saying, "Sounds great."  
  
"Imagine that," said Hermione looking at Harry, "It's shameful really. School just started and there are already rumors floating around about you." To her surprise Harry looked alarmed.  
  
He dropped his muffin and looked at her questioningly. "What rumors?" he asked trying not to look so terrified.  
  
"People saying that you broke up with Cho because you've found someone new. It's really quite preposterous," replied the bushy haired girl eating some bacon.  
  
Harry raised his eyebrow. What a stupid rumor. Who would he have found that he liked better than Cho? Definitely not Draco. That's the last person he'd ever choose. "Oh well," he said calming himself, "Nobody believes that rubbish anyway."  
  
"Oh yes they do," replied Hermione, "All the girls have been talking about it. They're saying Harry is a free man." She winked.  
  
Harry couldn't stop himself from turning a bright shade of pink. Both Ron and Hermione laughed.  
  
"Shit!" cried out Ron, "We have potions first today. That's just our luck. Having to see Snape and the Slytherins first in the morning." Harry made an odd squeaking noise. Ron looked at him saying, "I know! It's murder." Harry nodded hastily.  
  
First period with Slytherins. Just his luck. He had nothing better to do after breakfast so he decided to go early.  
  
-  
  
Draco drank down his tea and ate in a hurry. He wasn't sure why he was eating so fast but he felt oddly nervous and excited over Potions class. He was going to have to see Harry.  
  
Getting up he headed straight to Potions alone. Up ahead of him he saw a boy his height with jet black hair. At the sight of the other boy, Draco dropped his bag scattering random items that were inside. He looked up nervously to see if Harry had heard.  
  
Just then Harry turned around and looked at Draco. They made eye contact for a burning moment that seemed to last an eternity. Draco couldn't help but to grin but he hid his face under his silvery blonde hair that had lost it's usual slicked back style. Instead it was collapsed in his face looking scattered and quite messy but gave his appearance a more striking look in the sunlight.  
  
Harry looked around then turned and walked towards Draco. He kneeled down facing Draco and said, "This is a good time to talk. Nobody is around.. Now would you explain why you.."  
  
But he was cut off by Draco who quickly began to talk, "Please, don't mention anything now. Somebody could be listening. Can't we just talk later?" He looked at Harry with desperation. He couldn't help but to admire the thoughtful look upon Harry's face. He always admired Harry; or at least he felt like he had always done so.  
  
Harry nodded and looked around. He was so angry at Draco. He didn't feel like having to wait for Draco's stupid explanation which would probably be a lie anyway. But he had to hear something that might be a little more comforting.  
  
"Listen," said Draco, "We'll talk after dinner tonight, I swear."  
  
Harry cocked his head to the side and looked at Draco. It was a different look than he had ever given the boy. "No snide remarks?" he asked uncertainly.  
  
"Potter, don't be a such git," said Draco as he shook his head and he picked up one of his books that had fallen and returned it to his bag.  
  
"Really Malfoy, what has come over you lately?" asked Harry frowning.  
  
"It's none of your damn business," replied Draco looking up at Harry. He made eye contact with him again. It was almost painful and pleasurable. He felt like kissing the Gryffindor boy again but tried to restrain himself. "Just get out of here," he said in a pained voice.  
  
Harry got up without comment and walked off.  
  
Draco loved the way he walked.  
  
-  
  
Harry's curiousity was building. He was almost starting to look forward to the thought of talking to Draco after dinner. Before he knew it, he was in the Potions class and it was already over. They were heading to History of Magic classes with Professor Binns.  
  
Hermione kept saying something to Harry but he just nodded not paying attention. They found their seats as Professor Binns proceeded in telling them some boring story about the Rebellion of Witches in 1886 when Bertha Gobblestone decided that she wasn't being paid enough for her services at the Ministry. Frankly, Harry didn't care one bit about this. The only thing that mattered was that he was going to find out why in the world Draco had kissed him. It was the most important thing. Just then Hermione nudged Harry hard in the ribs, like she had done before and whispered, "I've been trying to tell you for ages that Cho wants you to meet her after dinner!"  
  
"What?" asked Harry surprised, "After dinner?"  
  
"That's what I said," she said in an exasperated voice.  
  
"But," replied Harry as softly as possible, "But, I can't."  
  
"I'm not going to be your messenger service all the time. Tell her that yourself."  
  
Cho would not like this.  
  
**The End of Chapter 2**  
  
-=-  
  
Please review!  
  
Thanks to those who reviewed before!


	3. Somebody Else

-Rated R for- Drama, Language, Slash, Sexual Content  
  
-Spoilers- All five books.  
  
-Summery- This is a Harry/Draco fic that happens in the sixth year. Draco finds out that sometimes feelings are mixed up.  
  
-  
  
**Hidden Desires  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Somebody Else**

-

Cho Chang stared at him with cold eyes. "What do you mean we can't meet later?" Harry only blinked and stood silently before her. "There's somebody else, isn't it?"  
  
"No! No way Cho, nothing like that," replied Harry quickly. Cho had a hint of a tear lingering around her eye. Her lips were already trembling.  
  
"Harry! I've heard the rumors! I'm not stupid!" Harry made a skeptical face that she didn't seem to notice. "Remember when you told me we should totally be honest with each other? This is one of those times," said the Ravenclaw girl, flinging her hair. Harry never knew that his words that were supposed to be kind, would ever backfire on him like this.  
  
"But Cho! I just have a lot of homework and there is someone I need to talk with," said Harry staring at her very hard.  
  
"Harry, this is really upsetting. Who are you going to be talking to?" asked Cho looking very serious, as though she was doing business with him.  
  
After a very long moment of staring at eachother, Harry finally said, "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because it's stupid."  
  
"You can tell me!" said Cho looking almost excited.  
  
"Okay," Harry sighed, "I have to go talk to Draco Malfoy." Cho stared at him blankly for a few moments then raised her eyebrow. He knew she didn't believe him. He knew that she also knew that Draco was his enemy. Now all he had to do was wait for her to protest.  
  
"It's about the train isn't it?" asked the girl slowly.  
  
Harry stared at her even harder. How exactly would he respond to it without acting suspicious. "What do you mean?" he asked.  
  
"The train, Harry, the train," she said quickly.  
  
"What happened on the train?" he asked looking uncertain.  
  
"Oh don't be a dimwit! Draco caught us kissing! You want to go set him straight for spying on us like that! Oh like, Harry you're such a gentleman!" said the girl wrapping her arms around him.  
  
Harry felt as though she was trying to break his spine, but he did his best and hugged her back. She got on her tip-toes and kissed him sweetly on the lips. "Well, I've got to go to class. Defense Against Dark Arts," she said happily. After giving him one more kiss on the cheek, she ran off.  
  
Harry stood there blankly. Everything was just getting more confusing for him.  
  
-  
  
Dinner in the Great Hall was hurried. Draco ate so fast that his stomach started hurting, but he couldn't tell if it had been because of the food or because he was going to go talk to Harry. He had thought of what he was going to tell Harry, but none of it made much sense. Pushing his plate away, he stood glancing over in Harry's direction. Harry was finished and talking to Hermione about something.  
  
He walked out of the Great Hall and lingered close to the doors. Secretly, he wondered why Harry agreed to even talk to him. It didn't seem like there was much to talk about. He had kissed Harry Potter. It wasn't a joke. It wasn't for laughs. It was just for the moment, when everything seemed crashed down in front of his eyes and his skin became so warm, yet it caused him to break into such a cold sweat. The thought of the tension made Draco relive those feelings again. It was just for the moment.  
  
"Sometimes, you'll find love in those who you believe that you hate." Those words ran through Draco's head again. They meant something. They were part of this broken puzzle that added up to everything he was feeling. All of his emotions.  
  
Just then Harry walked out of the Great Hall looking around curiously. He spotted Draco and walked over to him with a fixed expression upon his face. "Well?" said the boy, brushing a messy piece of black hair out of his glowing green eyes.  
  
Draco quickly responded, "If we're going to talk, I say we head up to the abandoned corridor on the eighth floor. Nobody goes that way much."  
  
Harry stared at him suspiciously but agreed. If Draco was going to pull some stunt, Harry had his wand and was ready.  
  
They walked silently, not looking at eachother. Draco felt a chill go up his spine. He was walking with the boy he had always hated so much. Why would he ever do this?  
  
Suddenly Harry stopped dead in his tracks and whispered, "Someone is coming."  
  
Draco swung around looking for whoever it was, but didn't see anyone. He grabbed Harry by the arm and said, "Quick in here. We'll hide." Draco dragged Harry into an empty classroom.  
  
They both knew it was probably Filch lurking around trying to catch students in acts of wreaking the school. Their guesses were confirmed when they heard Filch talking to Mrs. Norris. "You smelled 'em too. They have to be somewhere nearby, and we'll catch 'em, we will."  
  
Harry looked at Draco who looked livid with fear. It didn't seem to have to do with Filch at all though. He looked more like he was scared of Harry. He was more pale than usual and he almost appeared to be glowing like fallen snow that shone most brightly in moonlight that was streaming through the nearby windows.  
  
Finally Harry said, "I think he's gone. Let's get out of here." They both left the classroom and continued up to the eighth floor.  
  
They stopped walking and Harry turned to look at Draco. "You know, you're really starting to scare me. Can't you just tell me what's up?"  
  
Draco stared at Harry with his sparkling silver eyes that looked more than scared. They had a look that made Harry almost feel sympathy for the boy.  
  
Draco weakly whispered, "I'm not sure what's going on," he took a long hard breath and continued, "All I know is that I- I kissed you on the train and I don't know why."  
  
Harry raised his eyebrows and stared at Draco without changing his facial expression. These weren't the words of comfort that he wanted. In fact, they only made everything seem worse.  
  
"You hate me! Remember?"  
  
"Damn it Harry, I know this! I just don't know about anything else anymore," said Draco with quick gasping breaths.  
  
"So, now what?" asked Harry looking confused and angry.  
  
"Sometimes, you'll find love in those who you believe that you hate," said Draco slowly.  
  
"What?" asked Harry with widened eyes.  
  
"Sometimes, you'll find love in those who you believe that you hate.' It's something my mother told me. Before I came to school actually. I had gotten into a fight with Pansy and I swore that I hated her. That's what my mom told me."  
  
"Do you think that has anything to do with your strange behavior?" asked Harry looking skeptical. He definitely was thinking that Malfoy was going insane.  
  
"Maybe," said Draco thoughtfully, "I mean, mothers always seem to have power over their children."  
  
"You're not a child anymore, although you act like it sometimes," whispered Harry, "And you mum didn't make you kiss me."  
  
"You know what Harry? Shut up. I'm trying to say something that is going to make me feel a little bit better about this. Don't ruin it for me. I feel like shit as it is. I don't need you to act like a smart ass and get all witty with me!"  
  
"Well someone has to," responded Harry harshly. He couldn't help to notice that Draco had called him Harry, instead of "Potter."  
  
Draco bit his lower lip and brushed his hands through his hair. His hair shined delicately as his slender hand began to twist a strand of it.  
  
The silence seemed to be ringing and became quite deafening between them.  
  
"Well is our talk over?" asked Harry looking thoroughly annoyed.  
  
Draco hated how Harry was looking at him right now. He nodded slowly and said, "Yes.. Yes it is."  
  
Before Harry could to turn to leave, Draco put his hands on Harry's face and leaned over, gently planting a kiss on Harry with trembling lips. He moved closer to Harry pressing his body closer to his.  
  
Harry jerked away looking disgusting, "Oh my God, Malfoy! This talk was supposed to explain things and you just went and ruined it all, all over again. You're disgusting!"  
  
Draco looked as if he was going to be sick. He was shaking violently and his eyes were watery and empty. Staring at Harry with desperation and hopelessness he said, "I'm sorry! I really didn't mean to!"  
  
Harry looked at him with a look of pity and said softly, "Right. You just lie anyway. I don't know what to believe."  
  
Turning, Draco ran off so quickly, Harry didn't have time to question him.  
  
He stumbled down the stairs and headed straight for the Slytherin Common Room. What had he been thinking? He had kissed Harry Potter again! He was losing it all together. He was becoming so desperate that he could feel burning pains inside himself. Harry was so sensitive and so kind to him even though he was being a jerk. But it wasn't his fault, it was Harry's fault for being so enticing. Stupid Harry Potter ruins everything.  
  
-  
  
Harry entered the Gryffindor Common Room glancing around. Ron walked over to with a large grin on his face and said, "Looks like someone made Harry a man tonight." He winked.  
  
Harry gave him a horrified look and said, "Never say that again or I'm going to hurt you!"  
  
Ron laughed thinking Harry was joking and strode off to go talk to Hermione next to the fire. Harry watched them closely and almost smiled as Ron leaned over and kissed Hermione on the forehead. She looked very surprised as he said goodnight and went off to the boy's dorm.  
  
Harry sat down next to her, by the fire and said, "Looks like someone has a new boyfriend."  
  
She blushed and said, "Ha, that was just a friendly sort of thing you know."  
  
He laughed and said, "Sure it was, Hermione. Sure it was."  
  
"You know it was! Ron and I aren't like that."  
  
"Right Hermione, I believe you."  
  
"Oh shut up, Harry!"  
  
They both laughed and Harry got up and gave his friend a kiss on the cheek and said, "For the record, that was friendly. Ron's was a whole different story."  
  
At this he walked up to the boy's dorm proud of how well he disguised his anger and confusion. Nobody would expect that he had been kissed by Draco Malfoy twice. He hoped they wouldn't.  
  
He changed into his pajamas and laid down in bed falling asleep almost immediately. Suddenly he heard Draco's voice say, "'Sometimes, you'll find love in those who you believe that you hate.' Then he saw a strange man yelling at Draco and hitting him.  
  
Just then there was person falling in front of his eyes. It looked a lot like himself. Someone yelled his name and was crying.  
  
He was running. Running faster than ever. He felt like snow was falling all around him. He slipped on ice and was trembling on the ground with fear. He knew was going to die.  
  
He woke up in a cold sweat.  
  
-  
  
"So Harry, did you tell him off?" asked Cho in a hopeful voice.  
  
"Yeah, and he told me a lot too," mumbled Harry.  
  
"Really?" asked Cho, "I bet he was a real jerk. He wasn't expecting you to do anything like that."  
  
Harry shrugged.  
  
"Wait till I tell the girls!" she giggled and put an arm around Harry.  
  
He stayed silent.  
  
-  
  
"How come you never kiss me anymore?" asked Pansy with her arms crossed.  
  
"Because," responded Draco glaring at her.  
  
"Because of what, Draco Malfoy?"  
  
"Because I don't like you and I think you're the most ghastly person I've ever seen," he responded shortly with an evil grin spread across his face.  
  
"How dare you! I'll have you know that lots of other boys are interested in me!"  
  
"Hopefully for their sake, they're blind and deaf," he said with a wave and a hand.  
  
"Really Draco, I knew you were cruel before and I liked it. Now you're just being a bitch," said the girl turning up her nose more than what it already was.  
  
"Just deal with it," he said while opening a package from home. Mother always sent him things to eat.  
  
She stalked off angrily mumbling things to herself about him.  
  
"You're just not my type anymore," he whispered to himself.  
  
-  
  
Today they would have their first Defense Against Dark Arts class. Professor Lupin had returned, to Harry's sheer delight, to teach again. All the Gryffindors were thrilled, especially the new ones who hadn't been there three years ago when he taught the first time at the school. It was comforting to have him around. Especially while Harry was still trying to get over Sirius's death, which seemed to be impossible. There had to be someone around besides Ron and Hermione that he could talk to. He never really counted Cho as someone to talk to because she was too emotional and always jumped to conclusions. Harry wondered why he still went back to her.  
  
"Yes, yes, yes!" said Ron excitedly, "Lupin is BACK!"  
  
Hermione laughed and Harry smiled. This would be a nice change from the corrupt teachers they usually had.  
  
They walked into the Defense Against Dark Arts classroom and found their seats.  
  
Lupin entered with smirk upon his face and quickly met with Harry's eyes as he said, "Hello class."  
  
**End of the Chapter 3  
**  
-  
  
Thanks for all the reviews!  
  
Please continue to review! 


	4. This Is the Way I Am

-Rated R for- Drama, Language, Slash, Sexual Content

-Spoilers- All five books.

-Summery- This is a Harry/Draco fic that happens in the sixth year. Draco finds out that sometimes feelings are mixed up.

-

**Hidden Desires**

Chapter 4

This Is The Way I Am

-

Lupin smiled kindly at all of the students. Harry glanced over at Ron and Hermione. Ron had an oddly giddy smile upon his face. Hermione was staring at Lupin with bright eyes that were filled with absolute admiration. Harry found himself then glancing over at Malfoy. The other boy was watching Lupin, but the look on his face was hard to read. He forced himself to look away and back at Lupin. It wasn't like Malfoy was especially interesting to look at; or at least, he convinced himself that he wasn't.

Lupin spoke in a soft voice that broke the deafening silence that filled the air. "Ah yes, you've seen me before. Allow me to introduce myself again. My name is Remus Lupin. Professor Lupin to you," he added with his usual warm smile. "I'll be your Defense Against Dark Arts teacher this year."

Several Slytherin students sneered. Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnigan both began to applaud.

"I have to mention that most of your last Defense Against Dark Arts teachers haven't taught too much. You should be much deeper into this subject than you are, since you're now in your sixth year," said Lupin while going through some scraps of parchment that lay on his desk. "And the Professor you had last year was rather pointless."

Ron grinned at Harry. Harry remembered Professor Umbridge well, although he really would have liked to have forgotten her.

"So it's time to get you caught up. I have faith in all of you. I've already seen that many of you are quite talented with defending yourselves against the dark magic out there. Very handy with a wand." His eyes flickered over at Harry for a brief moment.

Harry could see out of the corner of his eye that Malfoy had turned and stolen a glance at him. Harry deliberately stared straight ahead at Lupin.

He didn't really feel like hearing about how he was good at Defense Against Dark Arts again. It seemed like someone always wanted to bring it up. Bring up his battles with Lord Voldemort. Lupin was sure to bring it up.

But he didn't.

Lupin never mentioned once about Harry's brave battles with You-Know-Who. Not even once. What kind of alternate universe was this turning into?

They proceeded to have a fascinating lesson about Dragons. Harry couldn't really imagine why they would ever have to defend themselves against Dragons. Was a Dragon going to come out of the wild blue sky and just start trying to devour everyone? Lupin seemed to think it was very important though.

When the lesson was done and all the students had left except for Harry, Hermione, and Ron, Harry said, "I want to have a word with Lupin," to Ron and Hermione, "Go ahead. I'll catch up."

They left without question.

Harry walked over to Lupin in a rather nervous manner. Of course the man had noticed him and said, "Hello Harry."

"Hi Professor Lupin." Harry smiled at him.

Lupin was giving him a questioning look that almost looked like, "Whatever you want, go ahead and ask." Harry couldn't help but to notice the look.

"I wanted to ask you.. I wanted to talk about.. Sirius," said Harry quickly as the words jumped out of his mouth like they wanted to be free from all the built of sorrow that dwell inside.

The man's already faded eyes shown paler than usual at the mention of the name. They seemed to be covered in peaceful, yet beautiful fog. A thick fog that covered every bit of sadness and emotion, and wouldn't let Harry inside and find out what was going on inside his mind.

"Sirius?" repeated Lupin.

"Yes," said Harry firmly.

"I knew you would," said Lupin looking down at his desk. Little did he know, Harry had something else he really wanted to talk about too, but couldn't mention it. Talking about Malfoy with Lupin wasn't really a welcoming thought. It wasn't like Lupin was his bestfriend where he could just come out and say whatever he was feeling. Harry knew that he couldn't even tell Hermione or Ron. Why would he have thought that talking to Lupin would be different.

"Well, what do you want to talk about Harry?' asked Lupin with a steadily saddening gaze.

"I really don't know. I just felt like I needed to mention him," Harry was feeling a sickening pain inside of himself.

To his surprise, a faint smile appeared on Lupin's face. The teacher kindly said, "You know, sometimes I feel the same way about it."

"What?" asked Harry.

"I just feel like I need to mention him. His name is almost a disappearing comfort these days." He dropped his head looking down. There were too many emotions going astray on Lupin's face that were impossible for Harry to read. He was regretting ever bringing up Sirius. The painful look that Lupin was carrying was hard to watch.

"I'm sorry," whispered Harry. "I know how much you cared."

Lupin looked back up at Harry and grinned. "I know how much you cared too."

Then Lupin looked as if he as debating what he wanted to say next. Carefully he measured all his words and said with firmer tone, "It's really something different. Losing all your best friends."

Harry felt a flit of emotion speed through his body. He thought of Ron and Hermione for a moment. Then his thoughts turned to his father. Lupin was also talking about his father. Harry's father, James Potter. He realized how it must have been so terrible for Lupin to live with losing Sirius and James. Peter Pettigrew was considered a total loss. The man who betrayed them all.

"But it's okay. I shouldn't really be talking to you like this, but thanks," said Lupin with a smile.

Through the mix of confusion that was clouding Harry's thoughts, he found the words, "Thanks for what?"

Lupin stood up from his desk and said, "For bringing up Sirius." Harry felt the finality of the conversation and decided that now was definitely the wrong time to bring up Malfoy, he said a quick goodbye and left the classroom.

As soon as he had exited the room he heard a voice next to him say softly, "I saw you comforting your teacher."

Harry turned and was greeted by Draco Malfoy's sly smile. He pointed at the Slytherin boy and said quickly, "I don't want to hear your shit right now. I swear, if you start giving me your mouth I'll-"

"Oh I'll give you my mouth all right. I won't mind the whole mouth part but I must warn you that I do bite." He grinned evilly and clicked his tongue.

Harry raised his eyebrows very high at Draco. What the hell was he talking about? "You're insane," said Harry firmly.

"Maybe so, but you've caused me to be this way," said Draco is an almost sexy voice and habitually put hand through his sleek blonde hair that fell so perfectly into his fiery gray eyes.

"What do you want anyway?" asked Harry crossing his arms ignoring Draco's last words purposely.

These words were way too familiar to Draco. His eyes fell heavily upon Harry's as he thought for a moment. His thoughts were being clouded with Harry's intense presence. It was almost weighing him down. His legs were beginning to feel weak..

"Well?" asked the Gryffindor tapping his foot.

"Does it really matter? How come you haven't walked away by now?" asked Draco sneering.

"You know how many times I've wanted to ask you that same question?" responded the boy shaking head and his raven black hair that was constantly messy like he always just had a really good snog.

"What?" Draco's eyes seemed to lose their fire momentarily.

"How come you keep pursuing me? What the hell are you really doing? And don't give that stuff about what your mom supposedly said to you."

"Oh, and is that a threat?" responded Draco eyeing intently. "What are you going to do? Hex me until I give you my reasons?"

"No, but now that you mention it, it isn't such a bad idea," Harry said cocking his head to the side slightly.

Draco noticed how he did that a lot. He couldn't help to notice it. He noticed everything.

"Just walk away, Malfoy."

These words rung between them like a bell that refused to be quieted.

Finally Draco responded, "I can't. This is the way I am."

"Well change it!" yelled Harry impatiently.

"Why?" asked Draco before he could stop himself.

"Because!" Harry managed to calm his voice more, "Because, I have a girlfriend and you do too and you don't really want me and you know I don't want you. Do you realize you've kissed me twice. Twice, Malfoy! That's two more times than any of us would have ever expected. And everytime I ask you why you did it or what is going through your mind, you refuse to give me an answer! Then you say something that you mum said to you! I don't see what it has to do with you going mental and you trying to engulf my mouth with yours!"

"You can be such a damn half-wit sometimes!" yelled Draco louder than intentioned.

"Really? Am I? Well explain yourself to me and maybe I'll agree about me being a half-wit," responded Harry green eyes flaming.

Draco calmed himself down and started speaking soft and slow. "Don't you understand? Mothers have power over their children. I heard it before. It's what helped saved you from You-Know-Who isn't it?"

Harry felt like punching Draco as hard as he could for mentioning his mother. How did Draco know anything about what saved Harry? But he only nodded weakly listening has hard as he could.

"Well," he continued, "It strikes a chord, you know. Lights a flame. It's magic at it's deepest. It my case, it's almost dark magic at its worst."

"Your mother doesn't love you," said Harry before he even thought about it.

Surprisingly Draco didn't return a cruel comeback but only continued on, "The words she speaks are strongest when she's feeling an unusual amount of love. Right now, my dad is in the biggest Wizarding prison out there. Who does she have? Me. It may not always seem like it, but people do care about eachother in my family. If they didn't, we'd all probably be dead."

"So?" asked Harry. "You think your mother's 'love,' and I use the word loosely mind you, has some effect over the way your emotions are working right now?"

Draco nodded. "I don't know what else would be causing this. It's not like I ever felt this way before. Love. It's sickening and its power is too hard to escape."

"Oh, you're telling me! I've been trying to escape you for a while."

Draco grinned slightly even though the words almost hurt him in some odd fashion. "Well what do you think?" he asked.

"What do I think? About this whole situation?"

"Yes, and the theory about my mum," said Draco in a graceful voice that slid quickly into the dull silence that lay anchored there for a long moment.

"Oh, I don't know. I think there is more to it than you're letting me on to."

"What do you mean?"

He stood there with a thoughtful look. "I don't know. It just doesn't make much sense, you know?," said Harry, "The way you became nice to me all the sudden and decided that you felt like making out with me at random uncomfortable spots. I mean, what's up with that anyway?"

"Of course it doesn't make sense!" said Draco looking of utterly confused, "It's not like I understand it. But you've got to believe me. You're the only person that knows and I can't depend on anyone right now.."

"And why should I believe you? You've never given me much reason to have any faith in you before."

"I know," said Draco seeming crestfallen.

"But," said Harry carefully, "I'm sort of inclined to believe you right now."

Draco looked at him with hopeful eyes. For some reason, Harry didn't want to make him hit rock bottom again.

"All right," he continued. "Yeah, I believe you."

"Really?" asked Draco watching him.

"Yes."

Draco looked as though he was about to kiss Harry again, but he stopped himself.

Harry cast a weary glance at him. He wasn't sure what he was getting into with saying he believed Malfoy. Draco looked so relieved that Harry just didn't feel like bringing the other boy down again right now.

"Thanks," whispered Draco who turned away and began to walk away.

Standing there, Harry just stared at the back of Malfoy. Draco's perfect form disappeared down the hall.

This felt too strange.

-

"What happened? Where were you, Harry?" asked Hermione as they sat in the Gryffindor Common Room at a large table, writing papers for Defense Against Dark Arts class. "You totally missed lunch. We were worried."

"I told you I was going to talk to Lupin," he said absentmindedly writing down about the Chinese Fireball dragon. He began twirling his quill around his fingers thinking about his conversation with Lupin earlier. He had had two meaningful conversations within a few minutes of eachother. It was definitely something to think about.

"Oh," responded Hermione. "You talked that long?"

"Yes," Harry said quickly. It was half-true.

"What did you talk about?" asked Ron trying to steal a look at Hermione's paper.

"Sirius."

Ron and Hermione both looked back at Harry. Hermione's eyes seemed fixed on him with a desperate manner. Ron looked pitifully at Harry and said softly, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.."

"Don't worry about it," said Harry taking off his glasses examining them then putting them back on and adjusting them. "We had to talk about it sometime, you know?"

They both nodded fervently. Ron wasn't too keen to stay on the subject but Hermione seemed concerned and continued further into it.

"Harry, you know, if there is anything else you want to talk about, Ron and I are always here." At this, she put her hand on Harry's and continued. "You know that, right?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Good."

He had too much on his mind right now.

-

Draco sat on his four poster immersed in his Potions book, but he wasn't really reading it. Just staring at it blankly as he drifted into pleasant thoughts of Harry. Harry said he had believed him. That meant so much to him right now. More than anything else. More than curing his obsession with Harry that he nurtured the best he could when it ached and pained him most. Harry, was the only one he loved and the only one who knew. It felt secretive. Normally, Draco would have found that more intriguing, but he felt the urge to talk to someone else about these deep feelings that rushed through them.

Someone who would try to understand him.

Pansy.

-

"You're in love with a boy?" asked Pansy with wide eyes.

Draco shushed her quickly and looked around to make sure no one was listening. Everyone else in the Slytherin Common Room was already immersed in their own private conversations and probably could have cared less about anything that was going on in Draco's and Pansy's intimate conversation.

"Don't shush me!" she said, although she dropped her voice considerably, "You're in love with.. a boy?"

He nodded. To his surprise she smiled a bit. "Oh, I was worried why you lost all interest in me! I've always found myself to be an gorgeous creature and I thought I was losing some of my sex appeal."

He grinned and said, "No, it had nothing to do with that."

"So, who's this boy anyway?" she said, ready to hear a good piece of juicy gossip coming her way.

"You'll never believe it," he said.

"Try me," she said staring at him deeply.

"Can I trust you?" he asked uncertain.

"Draco, in the past I've given you every reason to trust me. Despite things that happened in my past childhood, I've grown and I'm not quite so immature where I'll run off and tell everyone that you're in love with some boy. So, who is it?" she asked again, excitedly.

Taking a deep breath and closing his eyes not wanting to see the look on her face. Slowly he said, "Harry Potter."

To his surprise she didn't gasp or scream or yell out to everyone that he was in love with Harry Potter. He opened one eye and looked at her. She didn't even look remotely horrified. She looked quite thoughtful and seemed to be playing the words through her head. He opened his other eye looking at her with curiousity.

"Well?" he asked expectantly. "Aren't you going to tell me how insane I am?"

"What? Oh, no. It's not really insane you know," she said.

He stared at her with wide eyes. "Who are you and what did you do with Pansy?"

She laughed at his sudden outburst of words. "Oh Draco, be quiet will you! Listen, it's not totally ridiculous. I mean, it's not really hard to see it either."

"What do you mean?" he asked wearing a very confused expression.

"You being in love with him. I mean, there is always lust behind such hate it seems," she said in a dreamy voice. "Oh, it's so romantic! I can barely stand the sexual tension that's running through you right now!"

"Sexual tension? What the fuck?"

"Oh yes! I can feel it! You're thinking of him right now and all the wrong and right thoughts are rushing through your mind. They're all revealing themselves through your facial expressions. OH!" she said dreamily, "I've been dumped for Harry Potter! It's romantic."

"I'm sorry," he said smirking.

"So when did it happen?" she asked.

"When did what happen?"

"When did you realize that you were in love with him? Did it dawn on you when you saw him walking through the halls? Or was it in class when he wears those mildly innocent looks on his face when a teacher addresses him?"

"Sounds like I'm not the only one with a crush on him.."

"Don't be stupid. I don't have a crush on him. I just noticed things he does. It's not really hard to, he's an attractive boy. Oh, this is like a secret love affair! I love it, I love it!"

"Don't get all excited yet. He doesn't feel those same feelings towards me that I have for him," said Draco in a very disappointed voice like a little child who found out Santa wasn't real.

"What? Why? What the hell is the matter with him?" she asked with her mouth hanging open wildly.

"He still is in love with this Cho Chang girl or so it seems."

"Eww, I hate that one, I do!" said Pansy quickly. "Wouldn't it be nifty if she found some other boy or something..?"

Draco had an evil grin cross his face. "Or another girl.."

Pansy looked like she was about to squeal with excitement. "You have some evil little plan playing out in your mind right now, don't you?"

Draco smiled.

Telling Pansy would work to his advantage more than he thought.

Cho was going to leave Harry. He was going to make Harry love him.

The only problem is, he didn't want to hurt Harry in any way. What was he going to do?

**End of Chapter 4!****  
**  
-

Continued in chapter 5, soon to come!

Please Review!


	5. Stolen

-Rated R for- Drama, Language, Slash, Sexual Content -Spoilers- All five books. -Summery- This is a Harry/Draco fic that happens in the sixth year. Draco finds out that sometimes feelings are mixed up.  
  
-- Hidden Desires  
  
Chapter 5  
  
Stolen  
  
Harry sat in front of the fire in the Gryffindor Common Room lost in thought. What was he going to do about Draco? He couldn't just let him keep coming around and trying to kiss him all the time. He didn't want to be kissed by Draco Malfoy. "This is ridiculous," he mumbled to himself.  
  
"Hmm? Did you say something to me?" asked Ron who was sitting right next to him writing a paper for Potions.  
  
Harry looked up and shook his head. "No, just talking to myself."  
  
Ron continued on writing. After a minute or so he said, "This is insane! Twenty inches of parchment! It's absurd. I'll never be able to fill this much up.." He continued on complaining.  
  
"Ron," said Hermione, "You would be able to if you just paid more attention in class. You're skipping most the of the important parts!"  
  
"It would be easier to pay attention in class if Snape wasn't getting mad at a Gryffindor every five seconds!"  
  
"You know he doesn't do that."  
  
"Yes he does," spat Ron. "What's the matter with you Hermione? Do you have to be right about everything?"  
  
She shot him a death glare and quickly said, "No, Ron. And I don't have to be paranoid like you." At this she got up and gathered her books and stormed off up to the girls dorm.  
  
"Girls!" said Ron angrily.  
  
"Ron.." Harry began.  
  
"What?" snapped Ron.  
  
"Shut up. You know you like Hermione."  
  
Ron shook his head but didn't say anything else the rest of the night. Harry found it amusing that he didn't strongly protest.  
  
Slowly Harry's thoughts went back to Draco. It was sickening. It was frustating. He didn't know what to do. He especially felt guilty around Cho. But why should he feel guilty? He never kissed Draco.  
  
He never wanted to.  
  
-o-o-o-  
  
Draco was playing it out in his mind. Pansy sat there watching him work very intently. The room was dead with silence. They had sat in the Slytherin Common Room planning for hours it seemed. In between homework, Pansy would propose ideas of how they could get Cho to break up with Harry. None of them seemed like they would work very well.  
  
Finally Draco said, "We have to get someone she strongly desires."  
  
"If she was smart, that would be me," giggled Pansy jokingly.  
  
Draco's eyes lit up as he began examining Pansy while saying softly, "Not bad." He began to scan her more.  
  
"What? What are you doing?" she asked looking almost scared.  
  
"If Cho were smart, she would want you," he said grinning. At this he put his right hand through her dark hair. "How could she say no to your charm?"  
  
Pansy's eyes widened. "What do you mean?"  
  
Quickly Draco began to unfold his plan.  
  
-  
  
She walked through the hall in a hurry, otherwise she was going to be late. Harry was expecting her in the library to do some good "studying." She was flaunting her shiny black hair styled up with curls and clips. All the girls had said it was a dreamy hairstyle. Everything looked dreamy on her.  
  
Her robes billowed out behind her gracefully as she walked at full speed. She was almost breaking into a jog, but someone said her name.  
  
"Cho," said the voice.  
  
She turned around to see who it was. To her sheer disgust, it was some girl from Slytherin that she had seen around before with Draco. She knew her name was Pansy or something, but it didn't really matter.  
  
"Uh, what do you want?" Cho asked in squeaky voice that made her sound like an excited girl in the mall.  
  
"Is something the matter?" asked the girl.  
  
Cho rolled her eyes. "No, except for you talking to me. I have to meet my boyfriend now. Bye."  
  
"Wait!" said the girl quickly stepping closer.  
  
"Listen," said Cho eyeing the girl suspiciously. Now that she saw her closer, she realized that she recognized the girl more. She was one of the prettier girls in Slytherin, in Cho's opinion at least. "You're up to something and I don't really care what it is. I'm leaving."  
  
"Please don't!" begged the girl. "I just had to talk to you, for just a moment. Please!"  
  
Cho looked back at the girl once more and said, "What is it, then?"  
  
"I've just noticed you around a lot," the girl began, "And I couldn't help but to want to talk to you. I've seen you fly! You're Ravenclaw's seeker. You're really good."  
  
"Excuse me," asked Cho disbelievingly. "Don't you go with Draco Malfoy, the seeker for Slytherin?"  
  
"No way!" said the girl. "He dumped me a while ago. He said I wasn't cool or pretty enough for him. He's seeing a bunch of other girls on the side, though."  
  
Cho cast the girl a sympathetic look.  
  
"But that's not what I want to talk about," said the girl stepping a bit closer.  
  
"Pansy.." Cho began staring at her harder.  
  
"You know my name?" asked Pansy looking thrilled.  
  
"Well, yes, but.."  
  
"What's the matter?" said Pansy softly.  
  
"What's going on?" asked Cho looking almost terrified.  
  
"This is," said Pansy leaning forward and kissing Cho quickly. To her surprise, Cho didn't protest or break away.  
  
"So Draco was right all along," thought Pansy. "Cho does like girls.. Or I just have really great sex appeal."  
  
-o-o-o-  
  
Harry sat there tapping his fingers against his book impatiently. Where was Cho? It was not like her to be late. Starting to get worried he closed the book with the intention to go find her, but just then she walked in avoiding Harry's eyes. She sat down with a look of sheer horror playing along her facial expressions. He eyed her with much interest. Her eyes shifted up to meet his.  
  
"Hello, Harry."  
  
"What happened Cho? I was worried why you were so late."  
  
"I, uh, I got caught up with something."  
  
He raised his eyebrows up. "Or someone?"  
  
"Oh Harry," she began to cry as she threw her arms around him, practically knocking him over. "I really want to tell you but I can't!"  
  
"Really Cho?" he asked not hugging her back. "Whatever happened to that whole honesty thing we agreed to?"  
  
She looked at him, her mascara running madly down her face making her appear like a scary old woman. She said in such a quiet whisper that she could barely be heard, "We have to break up."  
  
It took him a very long while to take in these words. "We have to.. break up?"  
  
She nodded with soggy eyes staring into his bright green ones that were on fire. "Why?" he asked beginning to shake.  
  
"I can't take this anymore and I found someone else."  
  
"You can't take what? You can't take this?" he stood up and backed away from her. "How long have you been seeing this 'someone else,' Cho? How long?"  
  
"Since tonight," she said with a sigh.  
  
"See! I always knew this was how you worked. Well guess what! Me too! Yeah, that's right, I'm seeing someone else too!"  
  
She began to cry even harder and said, "Please Harry, don't be so mad!"  
  
"No," he said pointing at her, "No, I will be mad. I'm going to be mad for a while. You.."  
  
"Be quiet you two, or I'm throwing you out of the library!" snapped the grumpy librarian.  
  
At this Harry stormed out leaving Cho there in tears. He didn't give a damn if she was crying right now. It was her fault for changing boyfriends like she changed underwear. He didn't even want to think about her underwear.  
  
He needed to talk to someone. Now.  
  
-  
  
"Well?" asked Draco expectedly as Pansy entered the Slytherin Common Room with a huge smile spread across her face.  
  
"It worked," she said proudly. "You were totally right."  
  
"Either that or she's too stupid to tell the difference between boys and girls," laughed Draco almost evilly.  
  
"I followed her into the library too!" she said excitedly. "She broke up with Harry Potter right there!"  
  
"My, my," he said softly, "She works fast."  
  
"I know," said Pansy nodding. "But really, she's not so bad. We talked for a while. Found out some neat things about her." Draco looked disgusted. "Really Draco, she's nice!"  
  
"When I asked you to do this, I never expected you would enjoy it," whispered Draco through a laugh.  
  
"Why not? She's the hottest girl in school! It's hard not to enjoy it to some kinky degree," said the girl poking Draco with a smile. "But oh, you should have seen it. He was so mad at her, especially when she told him that she found someone else! He was in such a rage!"  
  
"She made him feel that bad?" asked Draco feeling a bit guilty. He felt a pang in his stomach.  
  
"Oh yeah!" said Pansy reaching into little bag of sweets that she had received earlier. She dug around hungrily looking for choclate caramals. "He was furious. I don't know how sad he was though, because with him you just can't.."  
  
"Tell," Draco said finishing her sentence for her.  
  
She nodded while popping a piece of candy in her mouth. "Anyway, I don't know what he did afterwards. He disappeared. Probably went up to the Gryffindor Common Room or something. She just stood there for a while crying. I don't know why she was crying though. I think it was because he was so scary when he was mad. It's funny! Someone broke up with me for Harry Potter and I made someone else break up with Harry Potter for me."  
  
Draco felt more guilt blasting through him. The plan that he had thought up had caused Harry very upset. His Harry. But he shouldn't feel guilty, because now he had more of a chance of getting Harry to like him.  
  
But he knew Harry would never do it.  
  
He sighed.  
  
-  
  
Harry stormed into the Gryffindor Common Room to be greeted by Ron who waved at him smiling. Ron obviously noticed the look on Harry's face and immediately said, "What's up?"  
  
Harry managed to get out the words somehow, "Cho broke up with me. I can't believe it! She broke up with me!"  
  
"What? Why?" asked Ron looking dumbfounded.  
  
"Because she found someone else!"  
  
"Go figure," said Ron sympathetically. "It was bound to happen, Harry. You know what she's like."  
  
"Yeah, I know," said Harry. "Too pretty for her own good."  
  
Ron nodded.  
  
"I'm going to bed early tonight," Harry said has as he heaved a sigh.  
  
"All right," said Ron.  
  
He left quickly, practically in a run up to the boy's dorm. He walked over to his fourposter bed and layed down. Cho's words ran through his mind so many times that it was making him sick. She found someone else. After the fuss she always made of him. It didn't seem like anybody really appreciated him anymore. Covering himself with his blankets a name crossed his mind. It almost disappeared as quick as it came.. Almost. The name lingered there for a while.  
  
It was Draco.  
  
The End of Chapter 5. Stick around for more!  
  
You've read, now please review! 


	6. Speak To Me

-Rated R for- Drama, Language, Slash, Sexual Content -Spoilers- All five books. -Summery- This is a Harry/Draco fic that happens in the sixth year. Draco finds out that sometimes feelings are mixed up.  
  
-- Hidden Desires  
  
Chapter 6  
  
Speak To Me  
  
Harry entered the Great Hall the next morning and found himself (out of pure curiousity) glancing over in Draco's direction. Draco seemed to be acting perfectly hateful and normal as he snickered smugly with Crabbe and Goyle. This itself made Harry very puzzled. Draco wasn't looking at him at all. Not even a slight glance. Not a blink. Not anything. Had Draco been playing some stupid game? Harry felt in his heart that Draco hadn't, but couldn't help to think that it was a possibility.  
  
He didn't know whether to feel relieved or annoyed when Draco did cast a glance at him. Maybe Draco was merely looking at him because he was standing in the middle of the Great Hall gaping at the Slytherin table.  
  
That couldn't have been it.  
  
-  
  
Pansy made her way into the Great Hall and made Crabbe move aside as she sat down next to Draco. "What's new, my little Romeo?"  
  
Draco didn't smile. He looked around with what appeared to be a very troubled face. "Pansy, don't say anything around here." He managed to get his usual smug look back on his face somehow.  
  
She grinned as she took a nice helping of bacon. "Wouldn't dream of it. Remember, I promised. I'm a woman of honor! Would a secret get out of me? Never!"  
  
He shook his head and took a bite of scrambled egg. "Really, I don't need to hear some dumb ass speech. Anyway, I plan on having a good long conversation with you about Cho."  
  
She wiped a bit of egg off his face responding slyly, "There is nothing to talk about. I have the girl under control and I am quite confident about the future."  
  
Brushing a lovely gleaming strand of his platinum blonde hair our of his eyes he nodded. Slowly his eyes moved towards the Gryffindor table and settled on Harry who was laughing at something Ron had just said. "That weasel Weasley," Draco thought, "He always makes Harry laugh and forget his troubles. That goddamn Weasley." Turning away he asked himself a question. What was going to happen to him? He didn't know the answer and he wasn't sure if he ever would. This situation was stressful along with the heavy piles of homework.  
  
"I have to get myself out of this. I have to stop having feelings for Potter," he thought finally.  
  
o-o-o  
  
Harry, Hermione, and Ron headed out of Defense Against Dark Arts class and walked down the hall in hurry.  
  
"Potions next? Damn it!" spat Ron in a rage. He had been in a grumpy mood since Transfiguration class and he accidentally set his robes on fire when trying to turn a lamp into a book.  
  
Harry figured it was like an annual ordeal. Each year Hermione would get mad at Ron and refused to speak to him. "It's just because they have the hots for eachother," he thought to himself and laughed out loud.  
  
"What the hell are you laughing about?" asked Ron.  
  
Harry shook his head. "Nothing," he said. "They so have the hots for eachother.." he thought again but they had just turned a corner and up ahead they saw a rather disheveled Draco picking up books.  
  
Ron snickered. "Clumsy prick. Dropped his books. It's great to see him so close to the floor. What do you say we go over there and kick him over or something? It's not like he wouldn't deserve it.." Ron began with an almost vicious smile on his face.  
  
"Ron," Hermione said with a dramatic pause and sigh. "Really."  
  
"You know, he probably crashed into one of his fat zombie sidekicks," said Ron with a chuckle. Harry gave a rather weak smile and kept quiet.  
  
"Hey Harry, what's up with the whole silence deal? Why don't we go over there and say something?" asked Ron with bitterness in his eyes. He could never forgive Malfoy for all the cruel things that he had said about his family. The hate that he felt for him was practically radiating out of his body.  
  
Harry looked down towards the ground, "I don't feel like starting any fights right now. Besides we have to get to Potions class."  
  
"What? What's the matter with you Harry? You're acting strange," Ron practically shouted. "Is this just your way of taking Hermione's side?"  
  
"No, Ron.."  
  
"No, I see how it is. You guys can have eachother. You don't need trouble making Ron anyway," shouted Ron storming off.  
  
Harry sighed as he watched his friend run off. "Don't worry Harry," said Hermione softly, "It's not your fault. He is just in a bad mood." She rolled her eyes.  
  
Truthfully, Harry wasn't worried about Ron or Ron's temper at the moment. He was feeling ill to his stomach at the sight of Draco. He turned his eyes to the ground again to avoid looking at the blonde Slytherin.  
  
"Harry? Harry..? Are you all right?" asked a growing worried Hermione. "I told you not to worry."  
  
"It's.. it's not that, Hermione," stammered Harry.  
  
"What is it? Is everything okay?" she put her hand on his forehead. "You're feeling awfully warm. Maybe you should visit the hospital ward?"  
  
Draco finally gathered up his books and rushed off towards Potions class. Harry finally looked up once more and shook his head. "It's nothing. Don't worry. Probably just from breakfast. Indigestion, you know?"  
  
"All right," Hermione said with a raised brow.  
  
"This is getting really bad. Looking at Draco makes me really sick now," he thought. "I don't even know what I am supposed to do now."  
  
_  
  
Draco found his usual seat in front of Potions class. He didn't really want to sit there today considering the fact that he was having enough concentration problems. But it didn't matter. At least he was good in this class whether he was really concentrating or not.  
  
Crabbe and Goyle entered and sat down on each side of Draco, in their usual seats. "Hey Draco," said Crabbe with his hulking grin.  
  
"Hi," responded Draco absentmindedly as he glanced back and forth towards the door. All he needed to see what Harry walk in. That's all.  
  
First when Ron entered Draco watched the door intently expected Harry to follow. But he didn't. He frowned and looked back towards the front of the class. "Strange," he mumbled outloud.  
  
"Strange! Yeah!" laughed Goyle stupidly. "Weasley is strange looking. Hey you ugly puff, Weasley!"  
  
Ron showed him an unfriendly finger and sat down in the back of the class.  
  
Draco ignored his ignorant drones and there insane laughter over their own stupid jokes. Where was Harry?  
  
Finally Hermione and Harry entered. Draco watched them sit and then turned back around to face the front of the class again. Obviously Harry and Ron were not speaking to eachother. That was fine. Draco despised Ron as much as Ron despised him. He hated the way Ron made Harry laugh. He hated everything about the red haired dirt poor fool.  
  
Professor Snape appeared and greeted everyone in his usual rude hateful way. Making sure to give Harry and extra sneer. Draco felt himself getting annoyed.  
  
"Today we're going to work on a very complicated potion that I am sure most of you will butcher," Snape announced as his eyes wandered over towards Neville. "It's a love potion. But not just any love potion. It makes the drinker say who they love and makes them tell why. It's an introduction to truth potions. It really has no use except sometimes silly girls sneak it into their boyfriend's butterbeer to make sure they own the stupid boy's heart."  
  
Hermione raised her hand, "But Professor Snape, I thought all love potions were outlawed?"  
  
"Did I say that you could speak, Miss know-it-all Granger? No." Hermione turned red. "But regardless, I will answer that question. The reason this love potion was not outlawed was because it's stupid. Like I said before. It's practically useless. But it's complicated and a decent introduction to lie and truth potions. So we'll start it. They take a least two days to finish because they must simmer. Beware. Whoever screws up this potion in the end, we'll test it on." His eyes lingered over at Neville again.  
  
"So today we'll start it," he started handing out the potion recipe on a separate sheet of parchment. "Follow the instructions carefully. Make sure you use the approximate amounts."  
  
The students got out their ingredients and began cutting and dicing and throwing things into their cauldrons while Snape lurked around them all watching all their movements.  
  
"Well, poor little Potter, it's says slice into fine pieces. You're massacring that piece of bat wing. But I forgot, and how could I do something like that? You don't pay attention to instruction. You rebel. You don't need to follow instruction from anyone. Little hero. Little fo.."  
  
"Shut up!" someone yelled. Snape turned to see who dare say such disrespectful words to him. To his utter surprise he saw Draco steadily turning pink.  
  
"Malfoy?" Snape and Ron both asked in unison.  
  
"I said.. Shut up," said Draco through closed teeth.  
  
Harry shook his head with a sigh and stared at the ground with wide eyes. "Don't do this," he thought.  
  
"Malfoy? What do you think you're doing?" asked Snape. "I want an answer. NOW."  
  
Draco stood in his spot firmly. He wasn't as pink now. "You need to leave him alone. Nobody gave you the right to insult him like that."  
  
"I can do whatever I want. I am the bloody teacher!" shouted Snape.  
  
"I don't give a fuck if you're he-who-must-not-be-named, Snape!" yelled Draco. "You need to fuck off!"  
  
Snape looked completely shocked. He just stood there with his mouth open. "I wouldn't expect something ridiculous like this from you, Malfoy," he finally spoke. "Detention for the both of you!"  
  
"Hey! What did I do?" Harry protested.  
  
"I said, detention for both of you! I will not repeat myself again!" Snape shouted.  
  
Harry sat down and didn't protest. Draco did the same.  
  
"This is ridiculous," Harry thought. "I didn't even do anything and I still get detention. This is just great.."  
  
The class continued on with a very bitter air. More than usual. Snape was still in shock at Draco's strange outburst.  
  
As the class ended, Professor Snape said, "Malfoy and Potter. Come here so I can give you your well earned detention assignments."  
  
He handed him the slips and stalked off.  
  
"Cleaning the cauldrons? Ugh," mumbled Harry.  
  
"I'm sorry, Harry," said Draco half heartedly. He was glad. This meant he would be spending time with Harry.  
  
"You should be," Harry said annoyed. "I didn't deserve this detention one bit, but no, you had to go and.. defend me like some kind of idiot!"  
  
"I couldn't help it! I couldn't control it," responded Draco.  
  
"Well, you should try harder then!"  
  
"I can't! I can't do anything! Don't be a fool, Potter. I have no fucking control of myself it seems!"  
  
"Not my fault!"  
  
"Whatever," Draco mumbled.  
  
"What? You're saying all this is my fault?"  
  
"Well, if you just didn't exist, everything would be a lot more simple for me."  
  
"Now you're denying me to be alive?" shouted Harry. "Who the hell do you think you are?"  
  
"I'm not very sure now."  
  
"Don't give me that rubbish. I'm going to lunch. You stand here as long as you want acting like an ass," Harry said as he walked away.  
  
"Hey wait up," said Draco as he grabbed his bag of books and ran to catch up with Harry.  
  
"What? Now you want to walk around with me? Malfoy, you're really going insane.."  
  
"People already think I am insane after what happened in Potions. I don't care what they think."  
  
"Well, I do. I don't want you near me," Harry said in disgust.  
  
"Then, I'll walk behind you and look at your ass or something," grinned Draco.  
  
"Malfoy, quit! Bug off, really," Harry said feeling even more disgusted.  
  
"It doesn't matter now. We're almost to the Great Hall anyway. See you in detention," said Draco as he hurried ahead of the Gryffindor.  
  
"Whatever," Harry mumbled.  
  
He walked in slowly and made his way over to the Gryffindor table and sat down next to Hermione who was looking really anxious.  
  
"What's up?" Harry asked.  
  
"Well, I was just about to ask you that, myself," she said quickly. "What was that all about in Potions?"  
  
"I really.. don't know," Harry lied.  
  
"Come on!" she said exasperated. "How can you not know?"  
  
"I just don't, Hermione. And I am really hungry. Let's eat." He grabbed a turkey leg and dropped it on his plate with a clang. He wanted to get away from the subject of Draco Malfoy. He couldn't stand the stupid Slytherin anymore.  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes. Harry didn't care.  
  
He was too busy thinking about detention that night.  
  
The End of this chapter!  
  
I know I haven't updated in a very long time! But I do plan on continuing this fic! So please, stay tuned. And review! 


	7. Underneath

-Rated R for- Drama, Language, Slash, Sexual Content -Spoilers- All five books. -Summery- This is a Harry/Draco fic that happens in the sixth year. Draco finds out that sometimes feelings are mixed up.  
  
-- Hidden Desires  
  
Chapter 7  
  
Underneath  
  
It seemed as if the day wouldn't end quick enough for Draco Malfoy. It was not that he was looking forward to cleaning out smelly cauldrons and getting his perfectly pale white skin dirtied up from the residue stuck to the sides of the cauldrons. He just needed to see Harry again that day. In one way, it made him feel good to see the Gryffindor just walk by, even if he did ignore Draco. But in another way, the emotions that coursed through his body whenever he saw the boy annoyed him to death. Only the sight of Harry could sicken him or give him the greatest rush of pleasure in the world. He dearly wanted to resolve everything. Make everything that he felt just go away. To be numb. He didn't know how long he could stand the kind of torture that his emotions were causing. He wanted to give up everything.  
  
So finally the time came. He showed up fifteen minutes early for the detention, which surprised Snape. That was twice in one day that he surprised the Professor. He saw the sour expression on Snape's face. He knew that the Professor had never dreamed up giving him detention before. After all, he was a precious Slytherin. He also saw the confusion in the teacher's face. It gave Draco a bit of a laugh actually. For once, Snape had no idea what was happening around him. It was better that way.  
  
Harry entered right on time. Draco couldn't help but to find the scowl that the Gryffindor was wearing rather attractive. "Stop looking at him. Stop thinking about him.. He just stupid Harry Potter.. Stupid Potter.." Draco thought to himself. He tried to shake it off but couldn't help to find himself staring at Harry.  
  
Finally Snape spoke. "Well, well, you're both here. As you know, you're going to clean out the cauldrons. Muggle style."  
  
"No magic?" Harry exclaimed.  
  
"No magic," responded the teacher with a very vicious grin. He dumped a bucket of foggy soapy water in front of him with a few rags hanging over the sides dripping onto the floor. "Should only take the whole night. I'll be in my office and I'll checking on you periodically. If I find either of you gone or not working, I'll add on another three weeks to your detention. Now get working!" he shouted as he walked out of the room and shut the door.  
  
"No magic," Harry said again. "I'll never get out of this hell."  
  
"Oh shut up, Potter. Suck it up. Stop complaining. The faster we start, the sooner I'll be able to get away from you," responded Draco with frown.  
  
"You want to get away from me?" asked Harry. "That's a surprise. Have you finally stopped with your tipsy little act?"  
  
"What tipsy little act? Potter, you moron. Get over yourself," Draco said as he started to scrub out an extra dirty cauldron.  
  
"Get over myself? What the hell are you on about, Malfoy! Just the other day you were trying to give me a snog. Now you're telling me that I'm a moron? I don't know what the hell your on," Harry practically shouted as he busied himself with another equally disgusting cauldron.  
  
"Don't you understand anything or are you really that daft, Potter?" Draco asked while taking his attention off his cauldron and standing straight up staring at the other boy. "I'm trying to hate you again. I'm trying to break whatever has this hold over me. I can't even stand myself right now. It feels like I have changed too much."  
  
Harry stared at him blankly. He had already believed Draco before but this settled it. There was definitely something more wrong with the other boy more than usual. Something that even Draco couldn't help. Harry almost pitied him.  
  
"Do you know how damn miserable it is to not have control over yourself? It's like someone is screwing up everything you've ever known. They're twisting your feelings around. It makes me feel so damn stupid," said the Slytherin boy with a groan.  
  
"Well, the stupid part really hasn't changed," Harry said with the slightest hint of a grin.  
  
"Oh shut up, Harry."  
  
"There you go, using my first name again."  
  
"What? It's not like you haven't used mine before!" exclaimed Draco.  
  
"I haven't!"  
  
"You have so. I remember it. It was that time in the hallway when I was telling you about everything," Draco explained.  
  
"I felt sorry for you!"  
  
"That's no excuse. Don't get on my ass for using your first name!"  
  
"I wouldn't dream of getting on your ass for anything, Malfoy," Harry responded with a scowl.  
  
"Whatever," said the Slytherin as he began to clean out the cauldron again.  
  
-  
  
An hour or so had passed and they didn't speak to eachother, although Harry could often see Draco glancing up at him from the corner of his eye. Professor Snape had just been in to insult their hard work and demanded they work harder. Already, Harry's arm was getting sore from the back and forward motion of scrubbing out the cauldrons.  
  
Finally, Draco broke the silence by starting to singing softly to himself.  
  
"Ah! What do you think you're doing, Malfoy?" asked Harry.  
  
"What? What do you mean?" Draco replied in confusion.  
  
"You're.. you're singing.." continued Harry.  
  
"So what?" asked Draco still confused.  
  
"So! So it's.. weird. That's what it is!" Harry said with his eyebrows raised up.  
  
"Excuse me, am I not allowed to take my mind off of the bloody work?"  
  
"Well no! But you singing is just strange."  
  
"Is it really that bad?" Draco asked almost looking hurt.  
  
"Uh, yes," Harry said flatly.  
  
"Sorry then. I just won't do anything. Maybe I'll stop breathing on top of it. Then you won't have to worry about hearing me breathe. How's that?" frowned Draco.  
  
"That works," Harry replied with a smirk.  
  
"Ugh, you're so.."  
  
"Whatever it is, I don't care."  
  
"You're just a.."  
  
"I don't care.'  
  
"Fuck you!" shouted Draco.  
  
"No thanks," replied Harry.  
  
"Just leave me the hell alone, will you, Harry? This is hard enough as it is!" said the Slytherin boy after heaving a deep sigh.  
  
Harry didn't protest, but only frowned and continued cleaning his cauldron out.  
  
-  
  
A few more hours passed and finally Snape told them that they could leave.  
  
They both hurried out into the dark corridor in silence.  
  
"You're not going to start following me again, are you?" asked Harry with a yawn.  
  
"No, idiot. This hall also leads to the hall towards the Slytherin Common Room."  
  
"Oh yeah," Harry recalled. He remembered the time in the second year when both he and Ron took the Polyjuice potion and disguised themselves as Draco's two moronic sidekick's, Crabbe and Goyle.  
  
Just ahead they heard someone walking. "It's probably Filch," Draco whispered.  
  
"So, we'll just say we came from detention. It's the truth," Harry responded.  
  
"It is the truth, but he won't believe it."  
  
The footsteps got louder.  
  
"Here," Draco grabbed Harry by the arm and dragged him behind a statue of a perplexed looking wizard. "Wait till he passes by."  
  
Harry didn't like the tight space between he and the other boy. He very much wanted to run out and just get caught by Filch, but that would probably mean more detention for him. Having detention with Draco was already bad enough. Harry tried to move a bit further from Draco.  
  
"Stop moving, Potter. He'll hear you!" Draco whispered.  
  
They waited until it seemed to be silent around them again. "You think it's safe?" asked Draco.  
  
"Maybe," Harry responded as he tried to move himself from behind the statue. Draco had already made his way out from behind it. "Hey, help me out will you."  
  
"Why should I?" asked Draco with a smirk.  
  
"Come on, Malfoy. Don't play anymore dumb games. I got stuck in the tighter area. Now help me out!"  
  
"I like you just like that. So very weak," Draco quietly laughed.  
  
"Malfoy, I'm warning you.."  
  
"Oh and what are you going to do? Swat at me to death?" the Slytherin boy snickered. "I don't think your threats mean anything right now, Potter."  
  
"I still have my wand, you fool!" Harry practically shouted.  
  
"Like you can even get it out while you're stuck behind there," Draco said slyly.  
  
"Come on, Malfoy. Please.."  
  
Draco's face changed. "Say it again.."  
  
"What? Why?" Harry asked through gritted teeth.  
  
"Just, say it again and I'll help you."  
  
"Plea.. Please.. Please help me. Ugh, Happy?" asked Harry furrowing his eyebrow.  
  
"No, but it's a start." Draco took Harry's arm and pulled the other boy out. "How the hell did you get stuck anyway?"  
  
"No idea," Harry responded.  
  
They began walking again down the dark corridor. "So," Harry wanted to change the subject from him being stuck behind the statue. "How do you think you can break this um.. spell or whatever it is?" he asked.  
  
"You're being daft again, Potter. If I had any idea, I would be on it right now instead of discussing it with you," responded Draco.  
  
"Don't get all pissy with me, Malfoy. I just want to help," Harry said growing more annoyed by the other boy every second.  
  
"You want to help?" asked Draco with wide eyes.  
  
"Are you really that deaf? Do I have to repeat myself? Yeah, I want to help," said the Gryffindor boy with an impatient tone.  
  
"But.. why?" asked Draco with much surprise.  
  
"Why do you think? Do you really think I want you to be liking me like this? You know what I mean."  
  
"You really want to help me?" asked Draco still in shock.  
  
"Yeah, Malfoy. I've said it already."  
  
"I know, I just can't get over it," responded the other boy while putting a hand through his own very clean sleek blonde hair. It shone brilliantly in the rays of moonlight that shown through the windows.  
  
"It's really annoying and just gross. So I want to do what I can to help you get around it. Maybe we can read up on curses and bonds and stuff, you know?" Harry continued.  
  
"Yeah.." responded Draco absentmindedly.  
  
They had reached the new hall where they would split up. To Harry's relief. He didn't know how much longer he could stand being around Draco.  
  
"Unfortunately I'll say see you tomorrow," he mumbled.  
  
"Most unfortunate," said Draco softly.  
  
He watched Harry walk off down the hallway away from him. The footsteps that he took caused Draco pain. The further away Harry was the more miserable he felt. The pain mounted until he could barely stand it.  
  
Suddenly he found himself crying out the other boy's name and running after him.  
  
Harry turn around to see what was happening and found Draco rushing towards him. Before he could stop anything, Draco grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him close to him in what seemed to be a hug.  
  
"Draco! Get off of me!" said Harry trying to shove the other boy away.  
  
"I'm sorry! I couldn't help it," Draco said while he released the other.  
  
Harry arched his eyebrow. As Draco looked up at him. He hated looking so weak and pitiful in front of what was usually his main nemesis.  
  
"The sooner you put a stop to this, the better we'll be," Harry said.  
  
"I know," Draco responded quietly trying not to meet Harry's eyes.  
  
"I'm going to walk away now. Don't follow me, Draco."  
  
"You said my first name now," Draco said with a hint of a smile.  
  
"Don't follow me," Harry warned.  
  
Harry began to walk away again but was immediately stopped when Draco put his hand on his shoulder and said, "Wait, Harry.."  
  
Harry turned around naturally. It was a reflex. "What?"  
  
"Nothing. Just hurry. Leave."  
  
Harry quickly walked away. Soon he was out of Draco's sight. Draco stayed planted in his name spot with moving taking very small breaths.  
  
Harry Potter wanted to help him.  
  
Draco wasn't sure how soon he wanted to be cured.  
  
The End of Chapter 7!  
  
More to come very soon.  
  
Please review! 


	8. Holy

-Rated R for- Drama, Language, Slash, Sexual Content -Spoilers- All five books. -Summery- This is a Harry/Draco fic that happens in the sixth year. Draco finds out that sometimes feelings are mixed up.  
  
-- Hidden Desires  
  
Chapter 8  
  
Holy  
  
Draco awoke with the warm tender rays of sunshine shining through the window next to his bed. He truly detested the sunlight. He preferred a practically pitch black night where all that is truly visible are the stars above. Getting out of bed, he hurried and got dressed then headed for breakfast down in the Great Hall.  
  
He found his way over to the Slytherin table and took a seat in his usual spot. Just then Pansy entered the Great Hall and in almost a jog she hurried to the Slytherin table and sat down next to Draco. "Morning, sexy," she said with a happy grin. "So, what happened last night?"  
  
Draco grabbed some buttered toast and placed it on his plate. "Nothing really," he mumbled.  
  
"What? All those hours together and nothing? Nothing? Why am I playing with his ex-girlfriend's affections if you're not getting any action from him, Draco? Why?" she said almost too loudly.  
  
Draco shushed her. "Shut up, Pansy. Don't be some damn loud."  
  
"Well sorry," she said half heartedly while curling her lip.  
  
"Although, something sort of strange did happen," he said thoughtfully.  
  
"Ooh!" she squealed excitedly. "What? What happened? I knew you were holding out on me. I knew you wouldn't leave me disappointed! What happened?"  
  
"He said," the Slytherin boy slightly stuttered, "He said, he wanted to help me."  
  
"Help you? Help you how?" she asked while taking a large bite of a muffin and filling her cheeks which made her look slightly like a chipmunk.  
  
"Help me get cured," he said.  
  
"Oh damn. I thought you were going to say he wanted to help you in bed or something," she said with a disappointed wave of a hand making Draco turned an odd shade of pink. "Wait? Cured? You never told me anything about a disease.."  
  
"Not a disease. Well, yeah sort of a disease I suppose. It's just a theory of mine really."  
  
"Involving?"  
  
He explained to him about his hunch about his mother's words having such deep magical impact on him. After he finished telling her, she sat there was a thoughtful look upon her face.  
  
"Well, it does make sense it some ways. The whole part about you loving someone that you really hate, I guess. But it still doesn't explain a lot of things, Draco. How in the hell are you supposed to cure something like that?"  
  
"If I knew, I probably would have been cured by now," he said sarcastically. "Really, I have no fucking clue anymore. It's driving me insane sometimes. When he his near me and even when he's not anywhere close at all. It's like my head is flying all over the place with strange thoughts of him."  
  
"Oh! Do you get wetdreams or anything?" she asked with widened eyes leaving Draco with an even more horrified look.  
  
"What? No, Pansy! No!" he practically shouted.  
  
She giggled. "Would you really mind, anyway?" He nodded his head in disgust.  
  
Just then both of their eyes wandered over towards the entrance to the Great Hall as Harry Potter himself carelessly walked in.  
  
"He's very suave," Pansy commented.  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Draco while downing some pumpkin juice.  
  
"He's just smooth. The way he walks and such. He has that 'whatever' air about him," she explained.  
  
"I guess," Draco warbled through a full mouth of bacon.  
  
"Ugh. Must you talk with your mouth full?"  
  
"Fuck off, Pansy."  
  
o-o-o  
  
The classes were especially boring that day. Since many of the students were doing horribly they were reviewing a lot of the work they had done the previous year. Snape didn't believe in reviewing though. He was having them start brewing their love potions in the freshly cleaned cauldrons (courtesy of Harry and Draco the previous night).  
  
Harry and Hermione exited the Potions dungeon. Hermione let out a sigh of annoyance that Harry could recognize from anywhere. "What's up?" he asked.  
  
"Snape," she said in a very quiet whisper as if he would be around every corner eavesdropping on their conversation. "I don't know what he is trying to pull with this potion. Have you noticed that their isn't even an actual magical name for it and that he didn't get it from any of our books?"  
  
"I'm very surprised in you," Harry said. She gave him a questioning look. "Well, it's not like you to question a teacher's authority."  
  
"Well I know that, yes. But in his case he can be well.. rather strange," she whispered even more quietly as they walked along.  
  
"And it's taken you this long to realize it? Really Hermione. I thought you were supposed to be the really clever one," he stated with a grin.  
  
"Oh shush, you," she said with a laugh.  
  
Just then Hermione colliding with someone and fell to the floor. She looked up to see who it was and saw Draco Malfoy, who had dropped his books. "Damn it," he mumbled as he collected them and returned them to his bag and hurried off.  
  
"What in the world?" Hermione asked herself then looked up at Harry. "He totally knocked me down and didn't even make a snide remark about it. In fact, he acted as if he was so preoccupied that he didn't notice that I was even here. He's crazy."  
  
"Did you just notice that too?" Harry asked but he his grin faded some. He wasn't sure why.  
  
"No," she said as she started gathered her things and Harry bent down to help, "No way. I noticed that a long time ago." He nodded.  
  
"He has been acting awfully strange. He doesn't seem to even be himself. It's like he doesn't have the energy to insult us. And remember yesterday in Potions class? He defended you. You! Of all people. He hates you so much."  
  
"I know," Harry mumbled as he picked up her last book that had fallen.  
  
She eyed him suspiciously. "What's going on, Harry? Something is going on and you're not letting me in on it."  
  
"Really, Hermione. Nothing is going on," he said as truthfully as he possibly could. As far as he was concerned nothing was going on.  
  
He stood up and helped her up. She gave a sigh. "Are you sure Harry? If there is anything happening that's strange.. You know, I get worried."  
  
"I know and I don't know what you're expecting to hear, but I have nothing of importance to tell you right now," he said almost formally.  
  
"Fine," she responded softly. She decided to change the subject. "So, what is Professor Snape making you do for detention this time?" she asked while eyeing his detention slip.  
  
"It's stupid. I have to clean the floors of the Potions' Dungeon tonight."  
  
"What about Malfoy?"  
  
"I don't know, he hasn't told me yet."  
  
"So, Harry. You talk to him now? Are you acquaintances? When did this come about?" she had a look of victory on her face.  
  
Harry furrowed his brows. "Hermione, just quit it."  
  
"I'm not going to stop until I get to the bottom of your little Malfoy mystery!" she chirped excitedly.  
  
Harry gagged at the sound of the last four words. "There is no mystery. There is nothing."  
  
Hermione smirked. "Right, Harry. Nothing."  
  
o-o-o  
  
After dinner later that night, Draco headed out into the hallway. He had barely touched his food because he was feeling so nauseous about and nervous about seeing Harry. He didn't know what that night held but he couldn't wait much longer.  
  
He entered the Potions' Dungeon and began to wait. Snape came in later and eyed him suspiciously. "Why are you here early?" he asked.  
  
"Uh, just had some extra time and didn't anything to do," Draco responded. The teacher sneered.  
  
About fifteen minutes later (but it felt like forever to Draco) passed and Harry came in.  
  
"Late again, Potter," Snape said with a sickening smile. "We'll just have to add another day on to your detention."  
  
He gave them instructions for their detention that night. It would have been simple, just cleaning the floors. If only the floors weren't extremely filthy and had dried potions that had spilled on them before. And of course, they were not allowed to use magic.  
  
He gave them a bucket and two mops and a rag or two. "I have work to attend to in my office. Now hurry up and get working," he said with a slam of the door.  
  
"Bastard," Draco mumbled.  
  
"You can say that again," Harry agreed. It felt strange to him to be talking to Malfoy like this. Like they were friends or something of the sort. Only they weren't friends and Malfoy acted like he was madly in love with him. He kept trying to change his thoughts to something cheerier, but it didn't work. With Malfoy so close to him all he could think of was the Slytherin boy. He was discovering that the other really wasn't as horrible as he always believed he was. This was hard for him to really admit to himself, but he found no way around it. Draco Malfoy was not completely evil.  
  
They would make comments about Snape every once in a while but that was the extent of their conversation. Then Snape himself would come in and check on them just to make sure they're still working and bark a few insults about their work. Hours had passed and it was well passed the time when students should be in bed. Finally Snape entered and dismissed them both.  
  
They entered the pitch black hallway and began to walk quietly. Draco looked outside and noticed the stars were strangely bright. He stopped walking for a moment just so he could look at them.  
  
Harry too stopped and looked at the Slytherin boy with curiousity. "What are you doing?" he asked in a whisper.  
  
"Just looking."  
  
"At what?"  
  
"The sky," Draco mumbled.  
  
"The sky?" Harry repeated while putting a hand through his own pitch black hair.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I didn't think you appreciated things like the sky," Harry commented.  
  
"I always have. It's just, I've come to like it more lately," he turned and faced the other boy. "You think I hate everything just because I've always hated you?"  
  
Harry thought it was a dumb question. "No," he answered, "But it's hard for me to get used to you acting like this. It's strange."  
  
Draco took a deep breath. He noticed how Harry hadn't been acting as impatient or annoyed as usual that night. He took a few steps toward him.  
  
"It's strange for me too. I don't really have the energy anymore. I can't even find joy in insulting you stupid Gryffindors now."  
  
Harry frowned. "Seems like you're not having any trouble now.."  
  
Just then Draco reached out and touched Harry's face. He caressed it gently with his hand then took another step closer. He felt that Harry was going to jerk away and whispered, "Please, don't turn away from me yet." Looking confused Harry stood there. As if he were planted in the spot. Draco leaned forward and kissed Harry in a soft manner on the lips. This was the third time this had happened. He was surprised that Harry had listened and hadn't shoved him away yet. Draco took a step away and looked at Harry in the eyes with curiosity. "You.. you didn't push me or yell at me," he stuttered.  
  
Harry looked horrified. "Why'd you do that, Draco?"  
  
"I don't know. Because I had to. Because I wanted to. Why did you let me?"  
  
Harry expression didn't change. "I'm not sure. Because I had to. Because I wanted to."  
  
Draco frowned at first then he understood. Harry grabbed him by the robes and slammed him up against the wall making Draco yell in pain.  
  
"What did you to me, Malfoy? Slipped me some kind of potion in my juice at breakfast? Cast some kind of annoying spell on me? I know you know loads of dark magic. What did you do?"  
  
Draco tried to overpower Harry's grip but found he couldn't. "I didn't do anything."  
  
Harry shook his head then let go of the Slytherin boy and began to pace back and forth. "I did not just let him kiss me. I did not. I couldn't have.." he said angrily.  
  
"Yes you did," Draco said with his eyebrow raised.  
  
Harry seemed oblivious to him at the moment. He still paced back and forth repeating the same words over again.  
  
"Yes you did!" Draco practically yelled and rushed forth and grabbed Harry by the sleeve forcing the other to face him. "Yes you did," he repeated more solemnly. "You let me kiss you."  
  
Harry looked outraged. "Me? Let you kiss me? Never, Malfoy. Never." He backed away from the blonde haired boy and tried to avoid his tauntingly beautiful gray eyes.  
  
"It could have been worse," Draco grinned.  
  
"No! It couldn't have been. The last person I would ever let kiss me is you. It's like me kissing dirt, only I'm sure it's cleaner than you," Harry sneered.  
  
Draco gave a hurtful look at the other. "What the hell are you on about?"  
  
"I am better than this," Harry whispered.  
  
"You think you're better?" Draco repeated. "Who the fuck do you think you are now? Do you think you're that holy that you can't stoop down to my level? Standing there is some kind of sickening Jesus Christ pose. I am not beneath you."  
  
"Whatever," Harry had seemed to calm down some. "I have to go," he said to outloud but mostly to himself.  
  
He began running as Draco said, "It still doesn't change the fact that you allowed me to kiss you."  
  
When Harry reached the Gryffindor Common Room he was in a sweat. He said the password and ran inside and rushed straight up to his dorm and into his four poster bed.  
  
"I didn't let him kiss me," he thought to himself. "I didn't let him.."  
  
He lay awake for hours in a deep nervous sweat.  
  
Right before he drifted off to sleep a final thought crossed his mind.  
  
"I let Draco Malfoy kiss me."  
  
The End of this Chapter.  
  
Note: It's sort of strange, but it is 1:30 AM after all. I just had to finish this chapter. I will being updating soon.  
  
Please review! 


	9. Fatal

-Rated R for- Drama, Language, Slash, Sexual Content  
  
-Spoilers- All five books.  
  
-Summery- This is a Harry/Draco fic that happens in the sixth year. Draco finds out that sometimes feelings are mixed up.  
  
***   
  
First I want to give thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far and made me want to continue this story of mine.   
  
Starting from the first to the last reviewer  
  
Spideria, Deathstryke, Caz Malfoy, Voltor, Aliquis, SilverPrincess3, Remii, Fatalonie-The Grinning God, Autumnsun, Shola, Lizzybelle, Matt, cuteandnice, SilentShadow007, staarz, Draco23Luver, Dyann, and Lily.  
  
Special thanks to staarz who commented on every single chapter. That was really nice!  
  
~*~  
  
Hidden Desires  
  
Chapter 9  
  
Fatal  
  
"I can't stand this anymore," Draco muttered as he gazed out a window. It was a bright beautiful day and the Hogwarts' grounds looked even more stunning than usual in the sunlight. Lupin was outside with a class of second years who were all goggling at some small scaly creature that was making odd screeching sounds. A several little girls screamed as Lupin tried to calm them sound.   
  
"It's just taking me apart," continued the Slytherin boy looking rather lovely in the sun although he appeared frail and tired. "I'm a disgrace to my family. I'm a disgrace to myself. Everything I've ever stood for is ruined because of you. You did this to me. Your fault."  
  
Harry shook his head. "It's not my fault, Draco.. I never wanted any of this to happen to you."  
  
Draco put a worried hand through his own smooth platinum hair. "I just can't keep going anymore.."  
  
"Draco.." Harry started.  
  
"No. You can't stop me. I've been changed and ruined and battered. There is nothing left of me but some empty shell. I don't remember how I used to act. I don't remember how I ever felt. All I know is that I hate you and I love you. It's driving me mad, Potter!" Draco yelled. He began to tug as his own hair now.  
  
"Draco, stop! Just calm down," Harry commanded.  
  
"Don't tell me what to do. I am sick of everything about you. Your eyes and the way they look at me. Your lips taunt me and laugh at me. I'm too scared to continue like this, with no way to possibly cure myself," Draco said while waving his hands around frantically.   
  
"Draco.."  
  
"This is the end, Harry. This is the end of me. You won't have to worry about me and I won't have to dream of you.." Draco turned around to the window which was now open. He glanced back at Harry who for the first time ever, looked petrified. Draco stepped up onto the window's ledge.  
  
"You can't, Draco."  
  
"Goodbye, Harry."  
  
"You can't! You can't! Please, I'm begging you! Stop! I.."  
  
Harry awoke as he tumbled off his own bed and into the floor.  
  
A few groggy looking faces appeared standing over him.  
  
"You all right now, Harry?" asked Seamus. "Sounded like you took a mighty big bump when you fell out of your bed."  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine," Harry mumbled as he sat up and rubbed his eyes.   
  
"That has happened to me loads of times," Neville mumbled in an embarrassed tone.  
  
"What happened?" asked Dean with a yawn.  
  
"Just had a bad dream, that's all," Harry said as he took a deep breath.   
  
"You sure you're fine?" asked Seamus.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine."  
  
The boys returned to their beds to get some last minute sleep before they would have to be awake for classes but Harry did not.  
  
He put on his glasses and got dressed quickly, wearing two mismatched socks that Dobby gave him for Christmas. He left the Gryffindor Common Room in a hurry and decided to take a walk outside to calm him down and collect his thoughts. "Why did I have that dream?" he wondered to himself as he exited onto the school's grounds. It was a misty fresh morning that reminded him much of the day in his dream. He was so busy thinking that he was not watching where he was going and he bumped into someone. He looked to see who he had bumped into..  
  
"Cho?" he said with a questioning look.   
  
"Harry," she gave him a pitiful look. "What are you doing out here this early?" she asked. She probably believed that he was in need of her and was missing her dearly.  
  
"I was just taking an early morning walk," he said.  
  
"Oh," she replied casting her dark eyes too the side. "Harry.."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I've really missed you," she said in the most sincere way that was possible for her.  
  
"Right," said the boy with a doubtful look.   
  
"No! It's true," she continued, "I really have. You know I love you."  
  
"Really? You love me? Is that so?" he asked.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You didn't love me enough to stay with me, Cho. I don't know what your definition of love is, but it's not mine. And two people who believe that love is two different things.." he sighed, "Well that just would never work."  
  
"No! I love you. I really love you. It's just.. some things have changed about me and I had to confront them."  
  
"Listen Cho, I don't care. And I don't know who this guy you've been seeing is, but I don't care about you or you changes," he said bitterly.  
  
"Harry.." she paused for a second, "Harry, I haven't been seeing a guy."  
  
Harry raised a dark eyebrow and looked at her with surprise.   
  
"It's a girl. I know it's totally strange to you, but I had to find out who I really am," she said then bit her lower lip.   
  
"It's.. it's not that strange," he muttered.  
  
"But Harry, I've missed you," she hadn't seemed to hear his last words.  
  
"Cho, I can't love you. What's over is done with and I can't come back to it. I have to go," he said as he quickly turned around and hurried back inside the school. Breakfast wouldn't be too long from now so he decided to wander around near the Great Hall. What he had talked about with Cho had given him a lot to think about. He wondered who the girl was that she was seeing. He wondered why he felt he could relate to some of the words that she had said to him. They meant a lot and made him ache in the pit of his stomach.  
  
A few students passed him, chatting animatedly on their way into the Great Hall. Some of them saying hi and some of them insulting him (Slytherins, of course). He stood up against a wall across from the Great Hall and crossed his arms in thought. Not paying much attention the people starting to pour into the large cheerfully decorated room for breakfast. "I don't feel hungry," he said outloud to himself.  
  
"Nor do I," said a familiar voice next to him.  
  
He looked up straight into the face of his once enemy, Draco Malfoy. His face was extra pale which made him appear sickly but it didn't stop him from still looking as striking as ever. His cheeks were rosy and he smelled like he had just taken a shower.  
  
Harry looked away from him. He just remembered the incident that happened the previous night. It made him feel rather nauseous to look into the face of the other boy.  
  
"Leave Harry alone, Draco," said a voice near both of them. They turned to see who is was and there stood Ron looking pretty furious.  
  
"Ron?" Harry asked looking very surprised. He hadn't spoken to his bestfriend in days and was shocked to see him.  
  
"Bug off, Weasley," said the Slytherin boy in a threatening tone. He looked tired and annoyed at the moment.  
  
"You bug off! Leave Harry the fuck alone. He doesn't need your constant shit," shouted the redhead angrily.  
  
"I'm not bothering him, Weasley. So why don't you go pick pockets in the Great Hall. Maybe you'll get lucky and find a sickle. Then you can buy your family a new piece of plywood to live under," responded Draco in his old taunting tone.  
  
"I may be poor Malfoy, but I am proud of my family and I they're good people. Unlike your family who's image has been stained by your father's arrest. Just another once respected family down the drain because they were all fucking fools," Ron said through gritted teeth.  
  
"What do you want, Weasley? Do you really want to duel? Because this is boring me. Throwing insults back and forth won't do anything and if you think you're intimidating me, you very much wrong. So what do you want?" asked Draco in his drawling voice. Harry hadn't heard that voice in a long time.  
  
"Yeah, I want a duel. I'll show you, Malfoy," said the redhead. He looked as if he were on fire now.  
  
"Fine, Weasley. You must have a death wish, but whatever. I'll help make your ending quick," Draco replied as he brushed a strand of white golden hair out of his eyes.   
  
"As if that would happen," Ron growled.   
  
At that, they both took out their wands and pointed them at eachother. They took a few steps apart. Ron's eyes were blazing as he stared at the Slytherin with intense hatred. Ron was about to shout a hex at Draco when Harry interuppted him.  
  
"Stop it!" he yelled.  
  
Ron looked very puzzled. "Stop it?" he repeated.  
  
"Yes. Stop it, both of you. I.. I don't want to see either of you get hurt," said Harry still avoiding to look at either of them.  
  
"What? You don't want to see me put a good hex on Malfoy?" asked Ron. "What's the matter with you, Harry?"  
  
"Nothing is wrong with me. You both just need to quit it. Nobody needs to get hurt, okay?" Harry said as he bit his lower lip nervously.  
  
"Whatever, Harry. You've gone crazy. I don't know what your problem is. I guess Malfoy is your new bestfriend?" Ron said angrily. "That's fine. You're both nuts," he said as he stormed off into the Great Hall.  
  
Draco stood there looking at Harry with dumbfounded expression. "You didn't want us to duel? Do didn't want me to get hurt?.."  
  
"Don't flatter yourself, Malfoy," said Harry with a pained look. "I didn't want Ron to get hurt. I figured you probably know loads of dark magic."  
  
"Oh right, Potter. That's what you said that you didn't want to see either of us get hurt," Draco responded with a sneer.  
  
"Whatever," said Harry.  
  
"You say that when I say something you don't want to hear. I've noticed it," Draco said with a grin.  
  
"Well, stop noticing things about me," Harry mumbled.  
  
"It's sort of hard to not notice that you.."  
  
"Don't go into detail, please," said the Gryffindor boy quietly.  
  
"You're acting strange, Potter," Draco observed. "Something to do with lastnight maybe?" he asked with a half grin.  
  
Harry didn't want to be reminded again. He remembered how Draco pressed his lips to his in a rather sweet manner the night before and how he didn't stop the other. He didn't even push him away. Harry shook his head. "No, Draco. What happened then was pure shock. Don't think that anything happened between us."  
  
"You're saying it, but you're not meaning it. I know for a fact that something did happen between us because you were absolutely horrified with yourself afterwards. You didn't pay attention to the fact that I was still standing there.."  
  
Harry put his head in his palm. "I'm not hearing this," he mumbled.  
  
"Don't give me the five-year-old treatment, Harry," Draco said firmly. "I saw your face then and I am seeing it now. Something has changed here. It may not mean you like me or feel the same as I have been feeling for you, but you are different. You don't hate me as you once did."  
  
"How can I?" asked Harry helplessly. "You're constantly throwing yourself at me. I feel sorry for you and myself. I don't know how to feel towards someone like you, especially after all the years that we fought. I've found myself getting to know you and discovering that not all your sides are rude and evil."   
  
Draco shrugged and leaned against the same wall Harry was still leaning against. "If I or we find a cure to this, I doubt I will ever hate you like I did. Disappointing, I know, but after everything we've been going through it doesn't seem possible."  
  
Harry stayed silent while staring towards the carpet.  
  
"The floor is awfully interesting, isn't it?" Draco said sarcastically.  
  
"Shut up," Harry replied with a hint of a smile.  
  
"Listen up, Potter," Draco said getting serious again, "It doesn't matter anymore. I'll deal with this alone. I'll find a way."  
  
"What if there isn't a way?" Harry said quietly.  
  
"Then, I'll just feel like this forever and die alone," the Slytherin responded with a grin.  
  
"Don't say that," Harry said in what was practically whisper.  
  
"I thought you wouldn't care," Draco said softly.  
  
"I don't care.. Well, I do," Harry said. "Nobody deserves to die alone."  
  
"Not even Draco the spawn of Satan?" asked the blonde in an amused tone.  
  
"Not even you," Harry said turning and facing the boy and looked him straight in the eye. "You just.. keep holding on."  
  
Draco looked confused. "What are you on about?" he asked.  
  
"It's just.. I had this really odd dream," said Harry. He couldn't believe he was about to tell Draco Malfoy about the dream that he had had about him.  
  
"Really?" Draco looked curious now.  
  
"I had a dream and you basically said I made you miserable. You said that you wanted to kill yourself and you did and I thought it really had happened at first when I awoke. And it actually worried me," Harry explained.  
  
"Really?" Draco asked with an eyebrows rather high.  
  
"Yeah," Harry mumbled and looked away.  
  
Draco couldn't help but to admire the look on Harry's face. It was a confused look. The way the hair fell into his face added an even more sad look.  
  
"You really worried that I was dead?" Draco asked.  
  
"Yeah," Harry mumbled again.  
  
Harry glanced around and noticed that they were all alone in the hallway. It was just as well. He didn't want people hearing their conversation anyway.  
  
"So, you're not going to eat breakfast?" asked Draco. Harry shook his head. "Yeah, that's right. You said you weren't hungry." Harry nodded. "I think I sort of am."  
  
Draco put his hand on the other boy's shoulder. Harry felt himself shiver but he didn't move. He still looked toward the ground. Draco lifted Harry's chin with his hand and made him look at him. "What are you going to do, Harry Potter?" asked Draco.  
  
Harry looked back into those sparkling gray eyes. He closed his own eyes and whispered, "What am I supposed to do?"  
  
Draco leaned forward slowly. Their lips seemed to collide at first but it soon grew into something different. Draco realized that he wasn't alone and that Harry had met his own lips. He enjoyed the feeling of the other boy's pouty soft lips against his own. His head was in a whirl as the kiss became fiercer and more passionate. He put a hand through the boy's messy black hair ruffling it up even more and dipped his tongue into his mouth. He had never really imagined what he would taste like. His mouth was sweet and as desperate as his was. Their bodies moved closer as the heat radiated through both of them. He could barely stand the feeling of their torsos together so closely. Harry had put his hand on the back of Draco's neck as the kiss deepened even more. Draco lost his breath and released the other from the kiss.  
  
- ..you come on like a drug  
  
i just can't get enough  
  
i'm like an addict coming at you for a little more  
  
and there's so much at stake  
  
i cannot afford to waste  
  
i never needed anybody like this before..-  
  
"Harry.." he whispered as he tried to breathe.  
  
Harry opened his emerald green eyes and stared deep into Draco's eyes. "I don't know how that happened.."  
  
"Harry, I have something to tell you.."  
  
"What is it?.."  
  
The End of Chapter 9!  
  
-=-  
  
Credit: I used an excerpt of a Garbage song called, "Temptation Waits," after the kiss.  
  
Preview: This is almost a warning for everyone who is reading this story. The next chapter or two are probably going to get more racy and a bit more fierce. So please stay tuned for everything that lay ahead!  
  
And please review! It keeps this going. 


	10. Secrets

-Rated R for- Drama, Language, Slash, Sexual Content -Spoilers- All five books. -Summery- This is a Harry/Draco fic that happens in the sixth year. Draco finds out that sometimes feelings are mixed up.  
  
***  
  
-To chaos- Despite your beliefs, I do care and I want to keep a person that I don't know happy! So Ha! Proved you wrong and here's another chapter. ^_^  
  
~*~  
  
Hidden Desires  
  
Chapter 10  
  
Secrets  
  
Draco put his tongue over his own lips tasting the lingering aftertaste of Harry. He gave Harry a meaningful look and took a step back so they weren't as close.  
  
"As much as I want this to happen, this doesn't seem like the place.." Draco whispered and began to walk away.  
  
Harry stood there blankly still surprised at himself. A million thoughts had crossed his mind in those few brief seconds. He shook his head and came back to reality. He immediately began to walk in the opposite direction. "What the hell was I thinking?" he asked himself. He had a sickening unpleasant feeling in his stomach.  
  
He didn't do well in class at all. His train of thought was completely lost. It was an especially bad Potions class because Ron avoiding all eye contact with him and everytime he glanced up at Draco, the other boy seemed to ignore him as well. He wondered if it was all a big joke.  
  
Later at dinner time (he had completely skipped lunch) Harry sauntered into the Great Hall and took a seat next to Hermione but he didn't touch the food on his plate. She stared at him with curiousity. "Harry, what's the matter with you? You've been in some kind of strange daze the entire day!"  
  
He raised his eyebrows. "I can't talk about it, Hermione. Maybe later."  
  
She shook her head. "No Harry, we talk after dinner. You're going to tell me what's up."  
  
"We can't talk about this, Hermione," he muttered.  
  
"Harry, right now I am your bestfriend," she cast a weary glance in Ron's direction. "If something is wrong I can do my best to help you. Unless it's some kind of strange boy thing.. But I thought you would have gone through those puberty things for boy's already.."  
  
Harry shifted in his seat. "No, it's not a puberty thing," he said rather loud. "I have detention anyway, so bye." He got up and slowly walked away.  
  
She watched him in confusion. "I need to figure this out," she thought.  
  
-  
  
Draco stood outside of the library in a darkened corner. He was growing impatient and began tapping his foot.  
  
Finally Pansy rushed out. "Oh! Hi Draco! I was just going to go look for you."  
  
"What the bloody hell were you doing in the library?" he asked in a harsh manner. "It took you forever!"  
  
She giggled. "Snogging Cho in the Magical Creatures section?" This just made him glare at her. "Oh, you act as if you have a wand stuck up your ass!" His eyes then widened. She sighed, "Well if you want the truth. I was doing some reading."  
  
"Oh? You know how?"  
  
"Shut up!" she said with a laugh. "If you act like that, I am not going to tell you about what I found out. It's awfully interesting too."  
  
"Okay. Okay! I'm sorry," he mumbled.  
  
"That's better!" she said with a grin. "Want to hear what I found out?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Okay, well get this.." she began. "You know your whole situation with Mr. Potter?"  
  
"How can I not know?"  
  
"Shut up. Anyway, I was doing some reading up on your theory about what is making you have feelings for Harry. And guess what! It's totally wrong."  
  
"What? Then what is it?" he asked looking worried.  
  
"Let me explain first! The only way that a mother or father can have that kind of power is if they are going to try to sacrifice themselves or some kind of act that displays their huge love for their child. Therefore, your mother words or anything your mother has done is not making you love Harry."  
  
"Then why am I feeling like this? What's making me do it?"  
  
She saw the panic in his eyes. "Calm down," she said softly.  
  
"I can't! Tell me, Pansy. Please, just tell me.."  
  
"Draco, nothing is making you love him."  
  
It was as if someone had punched him in the stomach. His felt unsteady and almost collapsed but Pansy gripped his shoulders tightly. "Draco, it's not that bad!"  
  
"You mean.. Everything I have been doing is just my own freewill?"  
  
"Your freewill cannot control your feelings for him. Love and freewill are two different things."  
  
Draco's mouth dropped.  
  
He loved Harry..  
  
-  
  
Harry stood outside of the Potions' dungeon doorway with his arms crossed over his chest. He had noticed that it had been harder for him to breathe as each minute passed. His body was tense and he was shivering despite the fact that it wasn't even cold down there. His anxiousness was almost overbearing.  
  
Finally he heard footsteps nearby and saw for the first time, one of the most beautiful people that he had never taken time to notice before. The light from the lanterns lit up Draco's face and the expression that he wore made Harry shift uncomfortably.  
  
Draco stopped dead in his tracks when he noticed Harry standing there staring at him. Harry approached him quietly and just looked at him. He had forgotten everything he had wanted to say.  
  
"We have detention.." Draco mumbled.  
  
"I know," Harry said but his voice was distant.  
  
"Is something wrong?" Draco asked. He knew this was a stupid question. Everything was wrong at the moment. The way he felt was wrong. The way that Harry was staring at him in such confusion was wrong.  
  
Harry nodded. "There is. But I don't know what it is."  
  
"Maybe it's because Snape will be really pissed if we skip detention. Because at the rate we're going, it doesn't seem like either of us is moving."  
  
"What's detention for another week?" Harry asked and took his eyes off of Draco and looked over at the door.  
  
Draco looked at the door also but then took Harry's hand and dragged him in the other direction. "We can't talk while cleaning some other ridiculously dirty floor or something of the sort. And like you said, what is detention for another week? Or two?"  
  
"Where are we going?" asked Harry.  
  
"We're going for a walk somewhere quiet and as far away from Snape and everyone else."  
  
They had been walking for a while until they finally reached the most abandoned corridor they could find.  
  
Draco stopped walking then turned to Harry who seemed to be shaking. "What's wrong?" the Slytherin boy asked with what seemed to be a concerned look on his face. Harry couldn't ever really remember seeing him look this way. He took one of Harry's hands into his and felt it, "Ah, you're frozen but it's not cold here."  
  
Harry shrugged it off and took his hand out of the other boy's then took a step backwards. Being too close was making him have that same uncomfortable feeling in his stomach.  
  
"From the way you were acting, I assumed you wanted to talk. Don't start acting like a tongue-tied idiot," He took a few steps towards the wall and sat down. He put his back against the wall and supported his arm on his knee then used his other hand and patted the floor next to himself. "Sit," he commanded.  
  
Harry still stood there blankly staring at the other boy. Finally he walked over and sat down next to Draco.  
  
"Okay then," Draco said as he arched his eyebrow. "Let's.. talk." Harry couldn't help but to notice how perfect his eyebrows were.  
  
"What the hell are you looking at, Potter?" asked Draco with a completely puzzled expression.  
  
"Um.." This question caught Harry off guard. Before really thinking he said, "Your eyebrows."  
  
"What about them?" Draco asked with a smirk.  
  
"They're just.. well, you raise them a lot," Harry said flatly.  
  
"Starting to notice my traits," Draco noted. "Not a good sign."  
  
The Gryffindor boy's cheeks were abnormally pink at this point. He didn't respond to Draco's last comment.  
  
"Right then. Other then my annoying facial expressions, let's talk." At this point Harry noticed that Draco was starting to look nervous about something.  
  
"What's up?" asked Harry.  
  
"Well first I want to ask you something," Draco said as Harry nodded. "I kissed you this morning and well, you kissed me back. I want to know why."  
  
Harry shook his head. The light reflected off his own brilliant emerald eyes which made him even more striking to Draco. Draco didn't understand why he was having these feelings for the other boy and wasn't sure if he wanted to admit that he was doing this without being under some sort of spell or enchantment.  
  
"I don't know," Harry mumbled. "It pissed me off a lot that I did. I don't know what the hell is happening to me. I mean, we know that your feelings and that everything so far hasn't been genuine.. Because you don't have any control over them.." At this point Harry was looking hurt.  
  
Draco bit his lower. "About that.. That's not real."  
  
Harry's jaw dropped. "What the hell?" he asked jumping to his feet. "You were lying? I knew I couldn't trust you!"  
  
Draco quickly stood and grabbed Harry by the shoulders. "Everything so far has been genuine except for that. I only said it because I didn't understand. I still don't understand! Why the hell do I look at you and just think about.." he stopped.  
  
"Think about what?" Harry asked looking horrified.  
  
"That doesn't matter! I just don't know! I'm not even sure when this started."  
  
"You're sure this has nothing to do with what your mother said?" Harry asked.  
  
"I'm positive. Pansy read up about it said that a parent can only hold that kind of magic when they are going to do some great act of love like sacrifice themselves or something like that."  
  
Harry suddenly shoved Draco. "What the hell? Pansy knows about this?"  
  
Draco rubbed his own chest where Harry had shoved him. He looked away from the other. "Don't worry. She won't tell anyone.."  
  
The Gryffindor put a hand through his messy raven black hair looking furious. "I can't believe you told that little bitch!"  
  
Frowning, Draco looked up at Harry. "She's not a bitch. She's better than what you think! She's been helping me out with this. If it wasn't for her, I would still be clueless."  
  
"If she's that great, why don't you just go out with her again?" Harry said with a sneer.  
  
"Whatever, Harry. You don't even know her. Look at your ex-girlfriend! Now that's a stupid little bitch right there," Draco said harshly with a roll of his eyes.  
  
"She's not that bad.." Harry mumbled. "She's not as stupid as I am.."  
  
"Yeah right," Draco said darkly.  
  
"You know, that's how this all started. It was on the train and I was with Cho," Draco shuddered at the sound of her name when it came out of Harry's mouth, "And you came along and got your knickers all in a twist with jealousy," Harry said plainly.  
  
The Slytherin boy gave his typical sneer. "First of all, I don't wear knickers and second of all, I wasn't jealous."  
  
"Right, Draco. Like I believe that."  
  
"Okay, so maybe I was jealous. So what? I think you were jealous just now when I told you that Pansy knew about this!" Draco said looking victorious.  
  
"I don't give a shit if you have a girlfriend or whatever, Draco. I was just angry because you told her about it! This is embarrassing!" Harry said.  
  
"Embarrassing? You think this is embarrassing for you? How do you think I feel? I'm the one who started this. Plus, I still have these damn feelings that you haven't completely returned to me yet," Draco said while his voice flickered. "No matter who knows about it, I'm still alone in this."  
  
Harry took Draco and pulled him close so their faces were only centimeters apart. "What do you want from me, Draco?" Draco's mouth opened as if he was going respond but did nothing. His expression dimmed and he looked very sullen. "What do you want?" asked Harry again. He then slammed Draco up against the wall making him yell in pain. "What exactly do you want? Because I kissed you already. I don't know what else I need to do to show you that I care."  
  
Draco groaned. His back was feeling very sore and Harry's nails were digging into his shoulders. He then shoved Harry away. "What the fuck is wrong with you, Harry?" he said at the top of his voice. "You're saying that you somehow care for me and then you kick my ass? I'm not some fucking masochist that you can punish! You can't take your feelings out on me just because you're as screwed up as I am."  
  
Harry's face softened. "I'm.. sorry," he muttered. "You don't know how mad I am at myself now."  
  
Draco looked annoyed. "Of course I know how mad you at yourself. That is how I have been feeling all along but I still had that slight hope that you would change your hate for me and turn it to something positive," he said in what was faint whisper, "Not some sick infatuation. I don't want you to care because you're feeling obligated and I don't want this to be as complicated as it has been so far. Just because of a.. stupid kiss this morning.." it was hard for Draco to call the kiss stupid when it didn't seem anything of the sort to him.  
  
Harry stared at Draco. "Maybe we can both forget it ever happened.." Draco began but was interuppted as Harry grabbed his collar and pulled him closer.  
  
"We'll forget it later.." said the black haired boy gently putting his hands on Draco's face. His hands were rough compared to the other boy's soft milky smooth skin. He put his mouth against the other boy's in what seemed to be an act of desperation.  
  
Draco put his hands on the Harry's waist and brought their bodies even closer. His tongue entered into the other's boy familiarly sweet tasting mouth and was engulfed with warmth and pleasure. He found that his curious hands were roaming up and down the other boy's slender yet very well built body. Somehow he found himself on the cold hard floor with Harry's body arched over him leaning in for another kiss. Draco automatically began unbuttoning the Gryffindor boy's shirt. He grew impatient with the buttons and somehow maneuvered it off his body.  
  
Harry unbuttoned Draco's shirt as well and pulled it off of him. The feeling of their skin so close together was electrifying. Harry found that Draco was undoing his pants and suddenly stopped the kiss and pulled away. "Woah.." He tried to catch his breath as he stood there with a bare chest in shock of what almost just happened. "We.. we can't do that. Not now. Not here.."  
  
Draco looked rather disappointed but nodded in agreement. "Damn it, Malfoy," said Harry. "You ripped my shirt off of me." The Slytherin boy looked embarrassed at first but noticed the grin on Harry's face. He picked up his own shirt and began to put it on when he noticed something very orange out the corner of his eye. He turned to see what it was and literally gasped.  
  
Harry too turned to see what Draco saw. Ron was standing there with the most horrified disgusted look on his face.  
  
"What the fuck, Harry?" He yelled.  
  
The End of Chapter 10! -=-  
  
Strange chapter, I know! But what will Harry and Draco do if Ron decides to spread the news about their affair around the school?  
  
Please Review! 


	11. Sins Entwined

-Rated R for- Drama, Language, Slash, Sexual Content  
  
-Spoilers- All five books.  
  
-Summery- This is a Harry/Draco fic that happens in the sixth year. Draco finds out that sometimes feelings are mixed up.  
  
~*~  
  
Hidden Desires  
  
Chapter 11  
  
Sins Entwined  
  
-  
  
It had been exactly four days since Harry had seen Draco privately. For some reason Snape had brought himself to stopping their detentions together. They now had different projects in different rooms at different times.  
  
It had been exactly two days since Harry and Draco had been seen in the quiet almost abandoned corridor by Ron. Everytime Harry thought back on it, he was regretful and felt nauseous.  
  
Maybe the reason Harry and Draco didn't have detention together anymore was because someone took it upon themselves to spread a nasty rumor about the little affair. But for once in the history of Harry's days in Hogwarts, it wasn't just him being stared at by swarms of sneering students who hissed taunting words at him. Harry knew that eventually he would have to talk to Draco about it. He knew he would also have to talk to Ron one day. Right now, he felt like hitting the boy who had been his bestfriend for so many years. He wanted to hit him as hard as his strength would allow.  
  
Hermione still talked to him and told him that he could get around all of the lies. He wondered if she really believed that they were lies or if she thought they were the truth too.  
  
He realized that a lot of people thought it was rubbish. "Harry and Draco?" they would say in the hallways, "That's ridiculous!" This reassured him to some degree.  
  
He was still ashamed of what had happened. Although he was starting to miss seeing Draco. He had finally come to terms that he had feelings for the other as well. Somehow, he wanted to let the Slytherin know. Maybe if they both realized it together, everything happening to them wouldn't seem as bad. He wondered if Draco still had the same feelings. What if Draco hated him now? This thought consumed his thoughts during class and made it almost impossible for him to sleep at nights. After all the time they had spent together and how much he discovered about his once enemy, it made him so terribly frightened.  
  
Harry sat in the Gryffindor boy's dorm all alone on his four poster bed. He considered going to the Owlery to see Hedwig and have his faithful pet send the other boy a message. What if Draco just thought he was stupid?  
  
He felt foolish enough as it was.  
  
_  
  
Cho and Pansy walked along the Hogwarts' grounds alone. Cho flirtatiously put her arm around Pansy, pulling her just a bit closer. Pansy smiled as the Ravenclaw girl leaned down for a quick kiss. "I'm really glad nobody knows about us like Harry and Draco," said Pansy thoughtfully.  
  
"You believe that stuff?" asked Cho.  
  
"Yeah, as a matter of fact I do," Pansy said earnestly.  
  
"I don't. I can't even imagine that!" said Cho.  
  
"What about us? Who would believe about us?" asked Pansy.  
  
"That's true," Cho noted.  
  
"Anyway, I know for a fact that it is true," Pansy said proudly. Cho gave her an impressed look. "I've known about it practically since it began."  
  
"How'd you find out?" Cho asked.  
  
"I got all the information out of Draco," Pansy began. "It was before Harry was even showing any interest back. In fact, Harry was really mad at him about it." Cho who was not as bright as Pansy, didn't put two and two together. The thought that Pansy had charmed her to get her away from Harry didn't even occur to her.  
  
"Aw! Harry didn't even tell me anything about it," Cho said in a disappointed voice. "I even told him about you and I not long ago.."  
  
"You told him about us?" Pansy asked with an alarmed expression.  
  
"Well, I told him that I had been seeing a girl. I didn't say your name," Cho said thoughtfully. Pansy looked relieved that these words.  
  
"That's good," the Slytherin girl said with a sigh.  
  
"I sort of feel bad now," Cho said. "I wish there was something that we could do for them!"  
  
"Agreed," said Pansy, "We'll think about that.. After sex."  
  
Cho giggled.  
  
_  
  
Draco walked through the hallways alone. Crabbe and Goyle abandoned him. He didn't care about that though. He passed a group of third year girls who gawked at him and starting whispering frantically. He said something very unfriendly which made one of them gasp. This amused him for a moment until he looked up and found himself face to face with Ron Weasley.  
  
Ron had a particularly bitter and violent look on his face. "Malfoy," he spat.  
  
"Don't do this, Weasley," him mumbled. He knew he was going to be publicly humiliated and embarrassed in front of everyone who was around him. Not even a couple of cracks about Ron's family would make up for the embarrassment that would be caused.  
  
"Why shouldn't I?" asked Ron scowling at the other boy.  
  
"Because everytime you do something like this, you're hurting Potter," Draco said quietly.  
  
"I don't give a shit about him now. He's been keeping secrets from me about himself. All those years that we invested in a friendship are wasted and it's your fucking fault, Malfoy!" Ron yelled into the other boy's face.  
  
Before Draco could even respond, Ron leaped onto him and raised his fist as high as possible. Draco felt an intense pain all around his face as Ron struck him as hard as he possibly could. He heard many people laughing and few yelling and someone scream, "What the fuck, Ron?!"  
  
"Shut up, Harry!" he heard Ron yell.  
  
What the hell is your problem?" he heard Harry's voice say. He then felt Ron being pulled off of him.  
  
There was scuffling as students ran off. He wanted to get up but he had hit neck against the floor rather heavily and he really couldn't move. He then heard a new voice. "Are you all right, Mr. Malfoy?" asked someone.  
  
He opened his eyes to see Professor Lupin leaning over him with a concerned look on his face. "Get out of my face," Malfoy mumbled. "I'm all right." Lupin frowned and stood up.  
  
"Ron.." the teacher began, "Mr. Weasley, I'm afraid that you're going to have to have detention." He shook his head as the boy began to object, "I'm sorry, there is no excuse for fighting so brutally in the school halls. Are you sure you're find, Mr. Malfoy?" he asked again.  
  
"Yeah, yes, I'm fine," Draco muttered. He did his best to sit up on his own. Lupin gave him a questioning look but then escorted Ron away who was still cursing.  
  
There were still a few students staring at him blankly. "What the fuck are you looking at?" he yelled. They too scampered away. He remembered hearing Ron talking to Harry and he glanced around to see where the other boy was, but didn't see him anyway. Trying to stand up, he felt extremely dizzy from the pounding headache he still had and collapsed back onto the stone floor. He sighed then closed his eyes and wondered why he hadn't fault Ron off. He could have taken him and he knew it. He just stood there like some kind of noble idiot and had done nothing.  
  
Two hands grabbed his and pulled him up into a sitting position. Opening his eyes he saw Harry staring at him in the same concerned manner that Lupin had just done a minute ago. "Harry!" he said thankfully.  
  
"What happened? How come you haven't been able to stand up?" Harry asked frowning while examining Draco.  
  
"Hit my neck," the Slytherin mumbled.  
  
"Can't you move?" asked Harry.  
  
"Yeah, but it's rather painful." He absolutely hated the fact that he had been hurt by that dumb Ron Weasley. He planned on some kind of pay back.  
  
"Do you need to go to the hospital wing?"  
  
"No, I'm fine. Okay?" Draco said impatiently.  
  
"Whatever you say," Harry said with a roll of his eyes. Then stood up and pulled Draco to his feet.  
  
Draco who was still dizzy wobbled a bit on his own. He stumbled forward straight into Harry. The Gryffindor boy didn't let him fall over again. He held onto the Slytherin until he found his balance. A couple of girls walked by stared at them in horror then giggle insanely.  
  
Draco let go of Harry and looked at him as if he had never quite seen properly before. "What are you looking at?" Harry asked thinking he had something on his face.  
  
"I'm just wondering why I ever hated you," Draco said thoughtfully.  
  
"Don't get used to this kind of treatment in the public," Harry laughed, "People already think.. there is something strange."  
  
"I don't care what people think," Draco huffed.  
  
Harry looked at a few Slytherin boys who passed and scowled at them then looked back at Draco. "When people let their imaginations run away with them, this happens," he said as he touched Draco forehead where some blood was leaking out of a messy cut.  
  
"I wish there was some way to just make everyone go away and leave me alone. Leave us alone," Draco said as he walked over to shield that hung on the wall and examined his reflection and the blood on his forehead. Looking back towards Harry, he said, "It's really been pissing me off. And I haven't seen you in days but I had heard people talking about us everywhere in the halls and in class. I wish Weasley would have kept his mouth shut."  
  
"Ron is just jealous," Harry muttered.  
  
"What? Does he have some kind of secret crush on you or something?" asked Draco in an annoyed tone.  
  
"Not that I am aware of," Harry responded grinning. "I think he just feels like he has been replaced by the person who hates more than anyone else." Draco had a smirk on his face as he walked over to Harry.  
  
"He doesn't understand," he said while putting a hand through his own platinum blonde hair which had grown considerably longer than it ever used to be. "There is room for friends and.." he paused.  
  
"And what?"  
  
"And lovers," Draco said almost too seductively. Harry bit his lower lip. "Don't you agree?" Nodding, Harry smiled.  
  
"Oh, shut up and get a room!" said a painting of a man with a large mustache with an even larger fluffy hat on.  
  
"I have class. Later, Malfoy," Harry muttered in a jokingly annoyed way.  
  
"Whatever, Potter," Draco said walking in the opposite direction with the hugest smile on his face.  
  
Before Harry had gotten far, Lupin stood in front of him with his hands on his sides. "Harry, we need to talk." He led Harry to his office and made him take a seat as he sat down behind his desk. Giving the boy a penetrating stare he asked, "What is going on between you and Malfoy?" he asked.  
  
Harry hadn't been expecting this and looked embarrassed. "Nothing," he lied.  
  
Lupin sighed. "Harry, before Sirius died he asked me to keep an eye on you in case something ever happened. I never expected to have to. I never expected Sirius to die," Lupin responded with a pained expression. "I just want to make sure that you're okay and I want to know that you are safe."  
  
"Whatever," said Harry avoiding his godfathers best friend's eyes. "I don't know why you think there is anything between us."  
  
"Harry, I'm not here to judge you. I'm the last person who would do that in this situation," Lupin responded still looking concerned.  
  
"Then why did you bring me here?" asked Harry.  
  
"I told you, Harry," said the teacher, "I want to make sure you're safe."  
  
"Why do you think I'm not safe?" Harry asked looking confused turning his head to look into the man's eyes.  
  
Lupin gave him an apprehensive stare. "Wait a minute," Harry said, "What are you thinking?"  
  
"I'm not sure what to think. I don't know what is going on between you two," Lupin said.  
  
"We're not.. you don't think we're.. you know.." Harry said with widened eyes.  
  
"I don't know!" exclaimed his teacher throwing his hands up into the air. "It's just.."  
  
"Just what?" asked Harry in looking mortified.  
  
"Ron said that the other day he saw you and Malfoy in the hallway and you seemed to be on the verge of doing something.."  
  
"And you believe everything Ron says?" asked Harry.  
  
"No!" Lupin said quickly, "But I've been watching you lately and your behavior has been rather peculiar."  
  
"Then stop watching me!" Harry yelled fiercely.  
  
"All I want to know is that you're safe," said Lupin calmly.  
  
"I'm safe! I'm safe Lupin! I'm not going to get him pregnant!" Harry shouted his cheeks turning magenta.  
  
Lupin gave him a surprised look. "Well Harry, I know that.."  
  
"I don't know what you want or what you're expecting," said Harry taking a deep breath.  
  
"Just making sure that you are healthy and fine."  
  
"Yeah, I am fine. Why are you so concerned?" asked Harry.  
  
"I've been in your position before, Harry," Lupin said softly. "We won't go into it though. I'm glad that you're well. I won't keep you from you classes any longer."  
  
Harry stood up and left the office in a quick walk. He wondered what his teacher had meant. "He's been in my position?" Harry thought to himself.  
  
"With who?"  
  
-  
  
Draco sat in Potions idly stirring the love potion that they had started several days ago. Snape hovered over him and said, "One of few correct here." Draco said nothing.  
  
Harry wandered into Potions late. Draco glanced up at him and gave him a quick smile then turned his attention back to his potion quickly.  
  
"Late as usual, Potter? Something more important than classes?" Snape said snidely.  
  
"Professor Lupin wanted to talk to me about something," mumbled Harry as he took his usual seat. Draco glanced over at him again with a look of curiousity this time.  
  
"Well, I'll have to talk about that.. professor about keeping my students when they should be in 'my' class," said Snape through gritted teeth. Harry was surprised that Snape said nothing more to him. He didn't even give him more detention, which was a relief.  
  
Harry should have been not be surprised by the end of the class when Professor Snape called him and Draco to the front of the class while the other students were exiting. He gave them both a piercing glare which Draco completely ignored while twirling a few strands of hair around his fingers.  
  
"You two.. Mr. Malfoy pay attention to me when I speak!" Snape yelled into the young Slytherin's face, "You two foolish rebels have been causing enough problems. You must think you're so smart that you can just miss detention and classes a few times. I never expected any of this behavior from your Mr. Malfoy and I am clearly not surprised when Mr. Potter acts in this manner," Harry rolled his eyes at this. "And I am not surprised when I am finding myself giving extra detention to the both of you for your idiotic actions. Your disrespect for authority is disgusting and ridiculous. Tonight you will be serving your detention with Professor Lupin, despite the fact that he is almost as foolish as the two of you. Think yourself fortunate tonight." At this he gave them another death glare and disappeared out the door.  
  
"Lupin?" Draco laughed. "All that was leading up the fact that we have detention with Lupin? Snape has gone off the deep end. That was a load of empty threats."  
  
Harry grinned blankly. "Yeah, Lupin.." he muttered.  
  
He couldn't explain why but he even wished that they had to clean out the dingy cauldrons again just so he wouldn't have to be around Lupin with Draco at the same time.  
  
"This ought to be interesting.." he thought.  
  
-  
  
The End Chapter 11!  
  
Note: I am already working on Chapter 12 so it shouldn't take long.  
  
Please continue to review! Thanks! 


	12. Hurt

-Rated R for- Drama, Language, Slash, Sexual Content  
  
-Spoilers- All five books.  
  
-Summery- This is a Harry/Draco fic that happens in the sixth year. Draco finds out that sometimes feelings are mixed up.  
  
~*~  
  
Hidden Desires  
  
Chapter 12  
  
Hurt  
  
-  
  
"Detention with Lupin," Draco repeated, "This should be easy enough for you. He likes you all right."  
  
"I guess so," Harry mumbled still deep in thought. He still had several questions about the words exchanged earlier between him and the teacher. How had he been in Harry's place before? "Maybe I should ask him," Harry absentmindedly said outloud.  
  
"Ask him what?" asked Draco as they walked down the bleak hallway.  
  
"What? Oh nothing," Harry responded. "Just thinking outloud."  
  
"Oh come on, Potter," Draco said, teasingly punching Harry in the arm, "What's on your mind?"  
  
Harry laughed slightly out of nerves and partly because of Draco's strange behavior. "I've never seen you in such a good mood," said the Gryffindor while taking off his glasses and wiping them on his robes.  
  
Draco looked at Harry thoughtfully. "First, I want to say that you completely changed the subject but fortunately, I still remember it," he said quickly. "And second, I don't know why I'm in such a 'good mood.' Maybe I finally have a reason to be in a good mood."  
  
Harry stopped walking and turned to the other boy. Draco too stopped walking and faced Harry. "What is it?" he asked looking around.  
  
"I don't know. I guess I am still just trying to figure out how this happened," Harry said softly.  
  
"Oh, don't get so damn mushy on me, Potter," Draco said with a grin. He reached over and grabbed Harry by the back of the neck, pulling him in closer. Their lips collided clumsily as each one eagerly craved a taste of the other. Harry put his hands on Draco's slender waist and held onto him tightly. Draco's body tensed uncomfortably as they moved so closely together, once more their torsos fitting so perfect.  
  
Someone was clearing their throat. It wasn't Draco. It wasn't Harry.  
  
"Ahem.." they heard again. They let go of eachother and looked in the direction of the sound.  
  
Professor Lupin stood there with a blank expression. "Uh oh," Draco said very quietly. Harry's cheeks were turning even brighter pink and were producing much more warmth than they had previously. He found himself growing steadily more and more annoyed by Lupin.  
  
"What the hell are you doing?" he asked stepping forward staring at his teacher, "Following me around? Spying on me?"  
  
Lupin shook his head looking quite embarrassed. "No Harry, I'm not. But as you must know this hallway is in use and people do walk through it. It's not just for your private use.." his voice trailed off.  
  
"Oh yeah, and you happen to be the only walking through it," said Harry crossing his arms.  
  
"Yes," said the teacher still remaining quite calm and resolute. "I had to go see your Professor Snape about something."  
  
"Whatever, Lupin," said Harry waving his arms around. "Are you happy now? You've seen what you needed to see? Just leave me alone now."  
  
Harry couldn't read the expression on Lupin's face. He didn't seem angry but more saddened than anything. "Harry, I am not spying on you," said the teacher looking from Harry to Draco, "Or you Mr. Malfoy. I have no reason to pry into your personal lives. I was simply walking down the hall on my way to see your Professor Snape and if you don't mind I am going to continue on my way to see him." At this he walked past both of the boys. He turned back, giving Harry a very solemn expression, "I expect to see you both in your detention regardless of anything that has been seen in these hallways."  
  
Both boys frowned as their teacher again turned away and continued down towards Snape's dungeon.  
  
"What was that all about?" asked Draco looking rather disgruntled.  
  
"You know what?" Harry responded, "I don't even know." His dark eyebrows furrowed together.  
  
"It seems that you two have had previous discussions about matter that could possibly interest me," said Draco taking his eyes off of the teacher, who was just a speck at the end of the hallway, and turned his full attention to Harry. "I mean, what was with the whole 'did you see what you needed to see' thing?"  
  
Harry took a deep breath and looked towards the other boy. "When I was late for Potion's today it was because Lupin took me aside for a talk. It was really strange. He was basically asking me if I was 'safe.'"  
  
"Safe?" asked Draco.  
  
"Yeah, apparently my former bestfriend has been telling him that we're you know.."  
  
"We're what?"  
  
"We're like.. doing.."  
  
"Doing what?" asked Draco with a fake look of dismay.  
  
"Doing stuff.."  
  
"Spit it out, Potter."  
  
"He just thinks we're doing stuff! Okay? That's why he wanted to know if I was safe," responded Harry with a shudder.  
  
"Really, Harry.. Do you think it's that disgusting that the thought of it makes your body shiver in horror?"  
  
"No," Harry said quickly.  
  
"Then why can't you just say it?" asked Draco cocking his head to the side causing a curtain of silver to be draped over one of his equally silver like eyes.  
  
"I can't.."  
  
"Does it make you that uncomfortable?" Draco asked.  
  
"No, it doesn't."  
  
"It does," said Draco stepping towards Harry so they were just mere inches apart. He prodded him in the chest, "You think it's wrong. Just the thought of it sickens you, doesn't it?"  
  
"It doesn't!" Harry said louder.  
  
"Then just say it. What does Lupin think we're doing?" Draco asked with a malicious grin.  
  
"He thinks.." Harry began but stopped. He seemed to be contemplating the possible effect of the words.  
  
"You can't say it. I've been right and you need to stop denying it," Draco said shoving Harry slightly. "Why the hell does it bother you so much?"  
  
"It doesn't!"  
  
"It does! Why the hell have you been leading me on? Pretending that you like me and you can't even bare the thought of being with me!" hissed Draco.  
  
"I haven't been leading you on! I swear.."  
  
"Harry, really," said Draco rolling his eyes. "He thinks we're fucking and you can't even tolerate that thought. You think it's disgusting and it frightens you more than anything. You're not anything like me. I don't know who you're kidding." The Slytherin boy turned away. He wasn't going to allow himself to feel hurt because of the nauseous look on Harry's face.  
  
"I know that.." Harry said softly. "I guess I'm just not ready for this. As much as I want it, maybe I'm not ready for you." He thought for a moment, "I.. I don't want you."  
  
"I told you," responded Draco with hurt ringing throughout his voice. At this he ran away down the hall until he reached the corner and turned it. He stopped and leaned against the wall sliding down into a sitting position. Loosing focus, he tightly shut his eyes. All he could hear was Harry saying, "I guess I'm just not ready for this. As much as I want it, maybe I'm not ready for you," over again inside his head. Harry was sickened by the thought of them being together in some kind of act of intimacy. Draco felt like a fool for even pursuing Harry as he did.  
  
"Why did he ever kiss me back?" were his initial thoughts.  
  
"I am not going to feel by hurt you," he thought in defiance.  
  
_  
  
Harry sat in Lupin's office waiting for him to return. He knew that Draco wasn't going to show up for detention. Right now, he felt angry towards the other boy. It was a secret anger that he had been trying to hide from himself. If it hadn't been for Draco he wouldn't have been humiliated and Lupin wouldn't be offering him those constant pitiful looks. He would still be friends with Ron. No matter what Ron had been doing, he couldn't help but to miss his friend. "There is no possible way of ever being friends with Ron if I am with Draco," he thought pitifully. "Ron hates Draco and vice versa. And with this kind of relationship, Draco keeps getting hurt.."  
  
Lupin entered his office without a word and sat down behind his desk not even looking up at Harry. "Where is Mr. Malfoy?" he asked.  
  
"Like I should know," said Harry bitterly.  
  
"I see," said Lupin in an almost absentminded voice.  
  
Harry gave him a frustrated look. "I haven't always been like this," he said.  
  
Lupin finally looked up at the student with the same solemn expression that he seemed to always wear. "What do you mean?" asked the teacher while rummaging through several pieces of parchment on his desk.  
  
"I just haven't always been like this all angry and whatever. I'm just sick of people gawking at me in the hallways like I am an animal. I'm done with it," Harry said glancing over at a moving picture on the wall.  
  
Lupin put his hand through his own messy tangled graying dark hair and gave Harry a thoughtful look. "They get over it in time."  
  
Harry crossed his arms and huffed.  
  
"It's true. There is always speculation but they get used to it," said Lupin putting his face in his hand while studying the look on Harry's face.  
  
"Remus," the man looked surprised at the sound of his own first name, "How do you know?" asked Harry.  
  
Lupin shook his head, "We're not going to discuss this."  
  
Harry looked down towards the floor. "I told him that I don't want him," he whispered. The teacher looked at him in curiousity. "I told him that I don't want him, Lupin. And he said that he knew and he left. But he doesn't understand.."  
  
"What doesn't he understand?" asked Lupin examining Harry.  
  
"I can never be friends with Ron with Draco around," said Harry.  
  
"And this is Mr. Malfoy's fault?"  
  
"What? Of course it is!" said Harry burying his head in his hands. "He has been a jerk to Ron for so many years. Ron hates him and isn't going to forgive him and Draco is never going to change his opinion of Ron. They're always going to fight.."  
  
"And your trying to protect Mr. Malfoy?" asked Lupin.  
  
"What? I'm not trying to protect him.." Harry said looking up at his teacher with widened eyes.  
  
"Harry," said Lupin, "I don't know if you have noticed but Mr. Malfoy hasn't really been trying to fight Ron. The only they have fought this year it was because Ron initiated it."  
  
"I know.." responded Harry. "Ron hates him so much and then when he saw us, it just made everything worse. He has such a bad temper."  
  
"When are you going to talk to Ron?" asked Lupin.  
  
"I don't know. I just have to keep him from hurting Draco.. It's not Ron's fault though. Like I said, Draco has been a real jerk."  
  
"Do you really believe that he is a jerk?" asked Lupin.  
  
"Yeah," said Harry firmly.  
  
"You don't think that he has been slightly misunderstood or maybe that he hasn't grown up and changed?" asked Lupin.  
  
"No."  
  
"He has changed and he is most definitely in love with you now," said the teacher with a hint of a grin.  
  
"He's not in love with me!" said Harry impatiently.  
  
"You're in love with him though."  
  
"What? No! Are you drunk?" Harry asked waving his arms around madly.  
  
"Believe what you want and I'll believe what I want," said the teacher while dipping a quill into ink then writing sleek curvy letters on a piece of parchment.  
  
"What? Now you're just going to ignore me?" Harry said while standing up staring at his teacher in shock.  
  
Lupin looked up at him and smiled, "No, Harry. But did you forget that you're here for detention and not to yell at me over facts that you can't face?"  
  
"Where do you get off telling me that I am in love with him?" yelled Harry.  
  
"Calm down, Harry," responded Lupin looking back towards the parchment.  
  
"Calm down? Calm DOWN?" Harry said at the top of his voice, "How can I calm down when you just said I.. love.. Draco?"  
  
"Please sit down again, Harry," said the teacher as he put down his quill and leaned back in his chair. Harry sat down once more. "These are my theories about your situation.."  
  
"Have you really been thinking that much about it?" asked Harry looking skeptical.  
  
"I worry about you," said Lupin dismissing Harry's creeped out expression. "I believe that Mr. Malfoy has changed. He still has his malicious streak but he has learned how to care. You too have changed. These are the years where you discover who you are going to be probably for the rest of your life. I also believe that you need to have a heart to heart with Ron. You have to make him understand. You obviously still long for the relationship you two had. Talk to him, Harry."  
  
"You think I am going to be this way for the rest of my life?" asked Harry.  
  
Lupin smiled at him thoughtfully. "Mr. Malfoy initiated his feelings for you. You didn't have to return them.."  
  
"I have to go find Ron," said Harry panicking. He stood up and ran towards the door.  
  
"Wait!" said Lupin standing up.  
  
Harry turn and look to his teacher. "What? Any advice?"  
  
"Yes, I have some advice," said the teacher walking round to the front of his desk. Crossing his arms he continued, "Wait till after detention," he said with a smirk.  
  
"Oh yeah.. sorry."  
  
_  
  
Draco lay on his bed with his face buried in his pillow hoping to suffocate himself. "This isn't working," he thought. He sat up and moved over to the edge of the bed. He was constantly trying to think up something cleverly cruel to say just in case he saw Harry in the hallway one day. Truthfully, he didn't know what he would do. His stomach churned in an uncomfortable manner as he thought of the words of rejection that Harry had spoken so easily to him. How could he have felt that there was something special between them when it obviously meant nothing to Harry? How dare that simple boy have such an affect on a Malfoy. It was ridiculous that some lower class half wizard could make him feel like such an idiot.  
  
He left his room and the Slytherin Common Room.  
  
"I will make him sorry for this," he thought as he stormed down the hallway.  
  
_  
  
Several hours later Harry had just left from detention as quickly as possible. It was possible that Ron was still awake. He hurried into the Gryffindor Common Room and saw Ron alone by the fireplace studying.  
  
"Ron," Harry said with a sigh of relief.  
  
"What?" said Ron looking up with a frown.  
  
Harry stood there blankly staring at his once bestfriend. He hadn't even planned on what he was going to say or how he was going to it. He just had to see Ron and make him understand somehow.  
  
"Well?" said Ron impatiently.  
  
"We need to talk," Harry said, his voice cracking nervously.  
  
"I don't want to talk to you," responded Ron coldly.  
  
"I don't care!" said Harry.  
  
Ron stood up and walked over to Harry. "You're not going to preach to me about.. your lifestyle," he said. "I'm not going to hear it."  
  
"Ron, I have to make you understand." Ron opened his mouth about to say something but Harry interuppted, "Please don't talk yet. Just let me explain."  
  
"I don't want to hear your explanations!" at this Ron walked away.  
  
"What the hell ever happened to you?" asked Harry.  
  
Ron turn and look at Harry, "No Harry, what happened to you?"  
  
"Nothing," said Harry flatly.  
  
"That's a lie," responded Ron with his cheeks fiery like his hair.  
  
"No it isn't, Ron! I may not know some things but I am certain that I am still the same person. The only difference is that I love him."  
  
"Harry.."  
  
"I love him, Ron! And I love you too! You're my bestfriend. You know more about me than anyone.." Ron looked down at the floor. "But I love him in a different more intimate way. I just want you to know that you're still my bestfriend whether you feel like you want to be friends with me or not."  
  
"Why didn't you just tell me?" Ron hissed..  
  
"Because you hate him and I didn't think that you would ever understand," said Harry choking.  
  
"But I don't hate you," responded Ron quickly, "even if you're.. with him."  
  
"Do you mean that?" asked Harry.  
  
"I guess I do."  
  
At this Harry smiled. "So you won't try to kick his ass again?" he asked.  
  
"I'm not making any promises," said Ron.  
  
"Ron!"  
  
-=-  
  
The End of Chapter 12.  
  
_  
  
Note: Currently working on chapter 13! It will hopefully be up during the next few days. This one took longer than planned.  
  
Thanks for all the reviews so far! They have really helped me work faster!  
  
Please continue reviewing! 


	13. The Untouchable

-Rated R for- Drama, Language, Slash, Sexual Content  
  
-Spoilers- All five books.  
  
-Summery- This is a Harry/Draco fic that happens in the sixth year. Draco finds out that sometimes feelings are mixed up.  
  
~*~  
  
Hidden Desires  
  
Chapter 13  
  
The Untouchable  
  
-  
  
It hurts to be pushed away by the one that you care for. Rejection leaves you feeling ugly. It's like a flower that blooms to it's most beautiful state then come winter, it can't live. Winter breaks its will.  
  
It hurts even more to be pushed away by the one that you love.  
  
Draco walked silently through the halls of the Hogwarts School with that same broken will. The bitterness he felt for Harry was unbearable. It was the most embarrassing and painful feeling that had filled his existence. If he ever came face to face with Harry he had no idea what he would do. Maybe just stand there and stare at him without any words. Maybe he would curse madly at the other boy. Maybe he'd just walk past him and ignore him.  
  
"I don't want you," are the words that had come so easily from Harry's mouth.  
  
"I don't want you either," thought Draco.  
  
-  
  
Cho and Pansy sat near the lake, hidden from view by thick shrubbery and several trees. Birds hopped around on the ground in search of worms and chirped joyfully. It was a very pleasant day for winter although a snowstorm was expected later in the evening.  
  
"I have to ask you a question," said Cho quietly while twirling pieces of grass around her fingers.  
  
"Shoot," responded Pansy while picking a wildflower and sticking it in her hair.  
  
"Have you heard from Draco lately?" asked the Ravenclaw girl while adjusting the flower in Pansy's hair.  
  
"I talked to him briefly lastnight. Apparently things have gone very sour."  
  
Cho frowned, "What happened?"  
  
"Draco avoided giving me all the facts but basically it sounded like he got uptight about something that Harry had said. Then that led to Harry saying that he wasn't ready for Draco or something along those lines," said Pansy. Her voice softened, "And you know, I really couldn't read the look on his face. I've never seen him look like that before though."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"So sad."  
  
Cho put her hand on Pansy's knee, "That will never happen to us," she said as if she was reassuring her companion.  
  
"I know."  
  
"Pansy? Pansy.. are you crying?" asked Cho, lifting Pansy's chin towards her. "You are!"  
  
"No! No I'm not!" lied Pansy turning away, wiping a salty tear from her own cheek.  
  
"What's the matter?"  
  
Pansy avoided all eye contact with Cho as she lied again, "Nothing, just something in my eye!"  
  
"I'm not stupid Pansy," Cho responded quietly.  
  
"I know," Pansy said, diverting her eyes. "It's just.. Cho, I want you to know how much I really do care for you." Cho smiled revealing her very pearly white teeth. "And that.. When we first got to together it was because I was trying to get you away from Harry."  
  
"What?" asked Cho, her smile fading darkly. "Why Pansy.." Before she could continue Pansy interuppted her.  
  
"I'm sorry! That was a really low thing to do but what's worse is the fact that I grew to like you so much," said Pansy, leaning forward on her knees she framed Cho's face with her own hands, "I grew to love you, Cho. Honestly and deeply!"  
  
Cho's dark eyes looked deep into Pansy's. Her bright smile returned, "I love you too, Pansy." These words brought a wide smile to the Slytherin girl's worried face.  
  
And at that moment they embraced. An accidental love.  
  
-  
  
The snow began to fall heavily outside, blanketing the normally dark ground with its eerie white cover. The Gryffindor Common Room was warm from the roaring fireplace and it smelled strongly of potpourri and peppermints.  
  
"So you're not on speaking terms with him?" asked Ron in the softest possible voice to Harry.  
  
Harry shook his head. "I told him I didn't want him," he responded looking down trodden.  
  
Ron raised his light eyebrows slightly, "You didn't mean that though," he remarked.  
  
"No," said Harry quickly, "No, I really didn't."  
  
"But come on! What's the problem? Just go talk to her.. I mean, him."  
  
Harry weakly grinned at Ron's slip of the tongue. "Easier said than done. What do you reckon' I would tell him?" he asked with a sigh.  
  
Ron studied Harry for a moment then flung his hands into the air, "I say, you tell him what you told me. I mean, look how mad I was and I found a way to get around it. You know if you really love him, that is."  
  
"I do."  
  
"Then tell her.. him," Ron said with a mischievous smirk.  
  
"Thank you, Ron," said Harry.  
  
"Thank me for what? I didn't do anything.."  
  
"You have!" exclaimed Harry, "You've really done well these past days with me. I know the concept is still hard for you accept, but you've been great. A real bestfriend."  
  
Ron smiled at Harry with the most genuine smile that Harry had seen in a while.  
  
It was good to have his old friend back.  
  
-  
  
Harry knocked on the door lightly. A voice said, "Come in."  
  
He walked into the man's office with a small smile on his face. He greeted him with a hello.  
  
Lupin smiled at him. It wasn't his usual smile that would brighten up a room just because of the way it perfected his aging face. It was a tired smile from too much work and too little sleep.  
  
"Am I interrupting anything?" asked Harry.  
  
Lupin looked around the room then back at Harry. "No, not at the moment."  
  
"Good," said Harry quickly, "Because I really have to ask you a question whether you want to answer me or not."  
  
Lupin nodded gently, looking at Harry with piercing expression.  
  
"How were you in my place? Like, who were you with?" asked Harry quickly glad to have gotten it out.  
  
Lupin's face darkened as he looked down towards his desk. "It was a very good friend that I once had.."  
  
"It was Sirius, wasn't it?" asked Harry.  
  
The teacher looked up at his student who looked back at him with some kind of mixed expression of triumph and sadness.  
  
At that moment they both knew and understood eachother better than they ever had before.  
  
Remus and Sirius had once been in love.  
  
-=-  
  
The end of Chapter 13!  
  
Notes: This chapter was a bit shorter than usual and I am almost done with chapter 14 so that is going to be up as soon as possible.  
  
Thanks for all the awesome reviews!  
  
Please continue reviewing! 


	14. Memories of You

-Rated R for- Drama, Language, Slash, Sexual Content  
  
-Spoilers- All five books.  
  
-Summery- This is a Harry/Draco fic that happens in the sixth year. Draco finds out that sometimes feelings are mixed up.  
  
~*~  
  
Hidden Desires  
  
Chapter 14  
  
Memories of You  
  
-  
  
Harry sat there not sure of what to say to his teacher after this striking revelation. They sat in silence avoiding each other's eyes. But somehow, this brought them together. Harry wasn't sure why but this new understanding opened up in front of his eyes. He couldn't help to be curious about it and wonder what had happened and wonder how it had all began. He even wondered if his father knew.  
  
"How did.." Lupin began. He paused and looked at Harry in the eyes, "How did you know?"  
  
Harry noticed the expression on Lupin's face. It was indescribable. He felt this rushing guilt for mentioning Sirus to Lupin, but he somehow knew that it was something that would have had to been brought up eventually. After all, it really wasn't Harry's fault that Lupin kept telling him that he had been in a similar situation.  
  
"I don't know," replied Harry truthfully. He really wasn't sure how he had come to the conclusion. Maybe because when he had seen his godfather and Lupin together, there was this connection that you could not ignore. When their eyes met it was like sparks would go off.  
  
"I just knew," said Harry. Lupin nodded then looked away. Harry could not tell for sure but he could have sworn that for maybe just an instance, he could see a tear form in the corner of the teacher's eye. He wouldn't ever mention it though.  
  
"It gets extremely difficult," said Lupin softly, his voice cracking slightly. "You begin hating yourself for every argument and every moment that you could have been together, that you weren't. And you wake up at nights thinking that someone is still going to be there and.. Oh, I shouldn't be telling this to you, Harry."  
  
"It's all right," said the boy, biting his lower lip. "I understand." Lupin smiled weakly.  
  
"Maybe you do," said the teacher. "But you're still young and things have just begun for you."  
  
"I guess you're right," said Harry.  
  
"I am."  
  
_  
  
It was a new day and it felt like he was sitting in this wasteland alone. Hated, unwanted, and maybe even forgotten. For every void that was now in his heart was filled with resent. Nothing could heal him now. He wanted to take the easy way out. He knew it was foolish and drastic but he wanted this aching pain to stop. He wanted to be mended and perfected into a numb person with no memory of his past excruciatingly embarrassing days with a boy named Harry Potter.  
  
But with all the hatred that he felt for Harry, he found the same equal amount of love that could not be pushed aside. This made him even more angry with himself. Even after such rejection he still found it in his heart to have this fools' love. The prospect of being alone was settling in more and more after each minute that had passed. And even though he was sure that things would not change between him and Harry, he still felt as if there was a hint of hope left. That maybe, something would happen like a change of heart. He knew that this was probably impossible but he didn't want to let go of it.  
  
This was the only thing in his life that he refused to say goodbye to.  
  
It was a beautiful morning with sheets of snow piling up inches upon inches on the frozen Hogwarts' grounds. No matter how awful you felt inside, you couldn't ignore how lovely everything was outside.  
  
Though the cold out there couldn't match the cold that was inside him, for some reason it was so tempting to Draco. He had to take a walk through the snow.  
  
-  
  
"Look Pansy," said Cho while sitting at a desk near a window in her dorm room. Pansy lay on her bed still half asleep but her eyes fluttered opened at the sound of her name.  
  
"What?" she said while attempting to stifle a yawn.  
  
"Draco is outside!" responded the Ravenclaw girl, crawling on top of her desk to get a better look at the boy. Pansy immediately jumped up and ran over to the window to take a look. "Oh, if only we could get Harry out there!"  
  
"Maybe we can!" said Pansy filled with excitement.  
  
"How?" asked Cho glancing back and forth between Pansy and Draco wading through the snow.  
  
"Send him an owl!" Pansy said quickly.  
  
"What do we say though?"  
  
"The truth."  
  
"What?" asked Cho looking dumbfounded.  
  
"The truth, I said!" Pansy exclaimed still filled with excitement from the prospect of getting Harry and Draco back together. "The truth is enough to get him out there."  
  
"Do you really think so?"  
  
"I do."  
  
At this, the Slytherin girl grabbed a quill and a piece of parchment and began scribbling madly while Cho leaned over her silently mouthing what she was writing.  
  
When Pansy finished she lifted up the parchment and read over it quickly with an expression of victory upon her face. "Now to the Owlery," she announced.  
  
The left the room at top speed, running down the hallways. Some would compare them to the running of the bulls in Pamplona as they knocked over a several younger and smaller students on their way to the Owlery.  
  
"Crazy girls!" or, "Are you insane! Watch where you're going!" a few of the students would yell. They didn't listen or care.  
  
They reached the Owlery and Cho immediately began sneezing. "Allergies," she said while on the verge of another messy sneeze which caused a few alarmed owls to scatter.  
  
Pansy attached the letter to an owl hoping that it would be delivered fast. "Send this to Harry Potter as quick as you possibly can!" she said as the owl immediately took flight and disappeared out the nearest window.  
  
She wiped her hands on her own shirt and said, "I think we did our good deed."  
  
Cho giggled, "I believe that we did!"  
  
They left the Owlery hand in hand. After all, why would they care about what people saw?  
  
They were in love.  
  
-  
  
The end of Chapter 14!  
  
The next chapter is going to be up very soon!  
  
Thank you for all the great reviews! Please continue reviewing! 


	15. A Lonesome Tale

-Rated R for- Drama, Language, Slash, Sexual Content  
  
-Spoilers- All five books.  
  
-Summery- This is a Harry/Draco fic that happens in the sixth year. Draco finds out that sometimes feelings are mixed up.  
  
-  
  
**Hidden Desires  
  
Chapter 15  
  
A Lonesome Tale**

-

What is it like to see the one person who you are truly in love with, fall in front of your eyes? How can you live after that? Harry found himself wondering this many times. How did Remus feel after losing Sirius? He realized that his teacher had gone through many losses in his life and somehow he continued on with a fairly high spirit. Harry didn't know why, but he found comfort in Remus' high spirits.  
  
Harry was still dealing with Sirius' death as well. He lay at night thinking about his lost godfather. But he constantly found himself feeling curious about his relationship with Lupin. He wouldn't dare ask too many questions though. After all, he felt guilty enough for reopening that old wound and he didn't feel that Lupin would appreciate him asking and maybe would perceive him as nosy. One of the last people Harry wanted to annoy was Lupin. Someone he truly found himself caring about. Maybe because he also found comfort in the fact that this man had been friends with Harry's own father, James Potter. But he also knew that he was receiving much relief from the thought that Lupin had been in similar circumstances and had offered Harry advice if he needed it.  
  
And good advice was always needed.  
  
-  
  
"I'm really proud of you two! It makes me so glad that you both are on speaking terms again!" announced Hermione to Ron and Harry who sat in the Gryffindor Common Room trying to finish up last minute homework that they had conveniently ignored from the previous night. The both nodded silently.  
  
"And I am especially proud of you Ron and how you got around all those silly rumors!" she said while ruffling Ron's hair.  
  
"Um, Herm.." he responded, "If you didn't realize it, I made up those rumors."  
  
"Oh yeah," she said thoughtfully rubbing her chin. "But come on, how silly were those anyway. Really.. Harry and Malfoy. Come on!"  
  
Harry looked up from his homework and said, "Oh yeah, those were true." At this he looked back at his homework again as Hermione's mouth dropped as she let out a soft scream that made him wince.  
  
"Yeah," said Ron looking thoughtful, "Though the one about the transvestite and bondage was one I just made up on a day when I was especially angry. Sorry about that Harry."  
  
"All is forgiven," responded Harry with a shrug.  
  
"Cool!" said Ron grinning.  
  
"They were..?" she asked looking astonished. Her mouth stayed open, "You're kidding, right? I mean, Harry.. Draco?" Harry nodded.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked looking hurt and still utterly confused about the matter. "Are you sure? You're just joking right?"  
  
"No, Hermione. I'm sorry though," said Harry looking thoughtfully at her. "I just wasn't sure what to do at the time," he said measuring his words carefully.  
  
"You told Ron though!" she said softly, not taking her eyes off of Harry.  
  
"He didn't tell me, Hermione. I- I saw him with Draco.."  
  
Hermione's eyes widened so round that Harry could have mistaken them for two galleons. "So that's why you went insane about it?" she asked, finally shifting her attention over to Ron.  
  
"I wasn't.. I didn't go insane did I?" he asked, obviously trying to recall the events that took place.  
  
Both Harry and Hermione nodded gingerly.  
  
"Well I suppose I did," said Ron scratching his chin. "But what do you do when.." he broke off and began to eye the floor with great interest. Harry knew that Ron didn't want to say what he really thought. He had suspected that some of Ron's tolerance for the subject was an act. This thought made Harry squirm in his chair uncomfortably. Had he now just isolated both of his friends simply because he had grown to care about Draco?  
  
"Really Harry.. Draco?" Hermione asked again, her eyes bright in wonder.  
  
"For the last time, yes Hermione," he responded. He was feeling himself steadily losing patience with the both of them.  
  
"How on earth did that ever come about?" she asked. For once she had turned all of her attention away from homework.  
  
"I don't know!" he lied throwing his arms into the air wildly. He felt extremely angry with himself for ever admitting it to her. He was even feeling annoyed by Ron's behavior.  
  
"I'm sorry Harry!" said Hermione quickly. "You've just got to understand that this is not easy for either of us to understand." Her eyes flickered over towards Ron momentarily then back at Harry. "After all the slimy things that he has done to us! He's been positively horrid.."  
  
But she was interuppted by Harry who face looked violent, "SHUT UP!" he yelled at her. She opened her mouth but then closed it once more not saying a thing. Her eyes were swelling up with tears, but Harry didn't feel guilty. "You don't know him. He's changed.. You're opinion is rubbish to me.." he said through gritted teeth not caring that her face was soaked with tears. At this he stood up and marched up to the boy's dorm in a huff. He crossed his arms and took a seat on the edge of his bed still furious.  
  
Just then an unfamiliar owl flew through the window next to his bed, dropping a letter on top of one of Harry's lap then proceeded to fly out again. Harry picked up the letter, removing the string that held it together and opened it. He began to read it silently.  
  
He looked around pitifully at the empty dorm room and then back at the letter. He was very puzzled at why Cho and Pansy had written to him, alerting him that Draco was outside taking a walk. Dropping the letter on his bed, he stood up and walked over to his window and looked out. Sure enough, there was Draco shuffling through snow moodily.  
  
He watched the other boy for several minutes, contemplating what he would do. "This could be my only chance," Harry said outloud to himself.  
  
He would go talk to Draco.  
  
-  
  
"Hello."  
  
Draco whipped around as he heard a painfully familiar voice in back of him greet him so casually. He eyed Harry with alarm and dismay mixed with confusion. Why was he here? He sensed amusement in Harry's voice. Was he there to mock him? He didn't answer the boy. Instead he just looked down at the cold white snow that surrounded his boots. He would have walked away if he could have felt his own body.  
  
Harry took a few steps closer. It seemed like it had been ages since he had seen Draco and he had never seen him look so fragile. His platinum hair was dampened from falling snow and looked especially beautiful and radiant in what weak light that was coming from the sun.  
  
He couldn't blame Draco for not answering him so he continued, "I came here to talk to you.."  
  
"Why the hell are you doing this to me?" asked Draco still eyeing the ground. His face hadn't changed at all. He just stared at the snow with the same unreadable expression.  
  
"I really want to talk to you," said Harry. "I really need to tell you that I am sorry!"  
  
Draco finally looked up but avoided all eye contact with Harry. "Sorry? SORRY? Well all right! That makes everything so much better! Whatever, Potter. Just do me a favor and fuck off! I don't need your false apologies and your silent mockery of me."  
  
"I'm not doing any such thing, Draco!" said Harry quickly. He saw the look on Draco's face was filled with genuine hurt. He hadn't realized just how bad he must have made the other feel on that day not so long ago when he had rejected him.  
  
Draco didn't say anything, he just turned away ready to leave. He regretted having taken a walk this morning if this had to be the result from it.  
  
"Please don't walk away from me!" begged Harry. "I know I have been an enormous idiot lately and I didn't mean to! I made one of the hugest mistakes that I had ever made with what I said the other day!"  
  
The Slytherin boy turned back and looked at Harry. His face was hadn't changed which gave him a stone like appearance.  
  
"The truth is, it was my fault and I know that you know that. What I said, it had nothing to do with you. Because despite everything that I said, I really do like you Draco! No I take that back.."  
  
His cold unchanging face finally softened.  
  
"I love you, Draco and it doesn't matter how you feel about me now. This is how it is going to be whether you like it or not," Harry said firmly.  
  
"You.. what?" asked Draco looking astonished.  
  
"I.. love you."  
  
"Oh my GOD, Potter. You have got to be kidding. This has to be some kind of sick joke!" he responded with impatience and disgust ringing throughout his voice. "I don't know what you think you're pulling.."  
  
"I'm not pulling anything! Can't you tell?" asked Harry. "I am sorry! Truly. And I really do want you and love you." He felt his cheeks burning feverishly. He wasn't sure if it was because the cold was finally settling in on him or because he had began sporting a violent shade of pink  
  
Draco stood there with his mouth wide open staring at Harry in complete and utter state of shock. Harry took another step forward praying that he would not be pushed away. Draco also took a step forward but lost his balance in the snow and fell forward. But he didn't fall to the ground. Harry held onto him helped him regain his balance and held on to him securely. "I don't care what people think! I am not going to be a fool anymore!" Harry whispered.  
  
The snow could have melted from the heat that they produced from the most radiating warm kiss that they had ever had. It was a different kiss than Harry had ever expierenced. It was showered in his absolute love and desire for Draco. The taste sent a sensation that ran up and down Harry's spine that was impossible to ignore. They shivered at the touch of the other but that could have possibly been from the cold as well.  
  
Draco stopped the kiss and spoke, his lips still brushing against Harry's, "No.. No! Oh fuck.. I have to go."  
  
At this he withdrew muttering the last few words to himself as he ran as fast as someone possibly could through snow, towards the castle.  
  
-  
  
"I talked to him this morning," said Harry twiddling his thumbs on Lupin's desk.  
  
"Did you now?" asked the teacher who was grading a few pieces of parchment. "How did that go?"  
  
"We kissed," responded Harry, his cheeks turning a becoming pale shade of rosy pink. Lupin looked up at him grinning. "But then he left.."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah," said Harry. "I just don't know. I apologized and I really put myself out there. But he.."  
  
"He didn't tell you how he felt afterwards?" asked Lupin knowingly.  
  
"Basically," Harry answered with a sigh. "He ran away."  
  
"Maybe he'll come around," said the teacher sticking the end of his quill in his mouth thoughtfully.  
  
"Do you really think so?" asked Harry.  
  
"I hope so," responded Lupin. "Just give him time to recover."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yes, if he is anything like a boy that I once knew.."  
  
Harry smirked, but he still felt rather uneasy. What if Lupin had been wrong? What if Draco didn't come around? He was feel rather stupid after initiating such a passionate kiss with the other boy and the boy resisting. Was this how Draco had felt when Harry was constantly turning him down?  
  
But even though Harry was wondering about Draco, his curiosity about Lupin began to overflow as he sat there idly in front of his teacher who didn't seem to notice that Harry was staring at him very intently.  
  
"How did it happen?" Harry blurted out.  
  
Lupin looked up at him with what Harry thought was a fake look of confusion. "Excuse me?" he asked.  
  
"I mean," said Harry in an odd voice that annoyed himself, "How did you and Sirius get together?"  
  
In his own mind, Harry did not expect Lupin to answer this question and he knew it was rather nosy. He just couldn't resist from asking. This curiousity about their situation had built up inside of Harry so strong that he could no longer suppress it. He had to know.  
  
"I'm not sure.." said Lupin looking down at his desk. He looked up at Harry who seemed to be expecting a story. "Are you sure you want to hear about this?" asked the teacher noticing the intent expression his student wore.  
  
"Positive," said Harry. "If you're willing to tell it."  
  
Lupin seemed to be considering this for a moment then finally he took a deep breath. "It began," he started then paused thinking for a moment, "It began, around the beginning of our fifth year. That was probably one of the worst years for me because I had been made a prefect. So, there I was attempting to tame my friends who wouldn't hear of giving up any of their wild ways. Because as you know, Sirius is.. was rather stubborn. As well as your father. Both particularly enjoyed mischief making, as you know. They also thought it was rather stupid of me being a prefect and couldn't understand why I was even trying to follow along with the school rules. I, of course, didn't want them to think of me as lame. So I gave up even attempting to follow school rules. You could say I rebelled. I tried to play it cool and I thought I was awfully clever with my new 'attitude.' I wouldn't fulfill my prefect duties and I snapped at anyone who told me that I shouldn't be behaving as I did. Your father and Sirius seemed pretty impressed though and that's all that mattered to me. But after keeping this kind of behavior up, I noticed that I didn't seem to be impressing Dumbledore at all. His opinion really meant a lot to me as well, since he had had helped me out because of my full moon situation. I knew he was disappointed in me but he never said a thing. So I began growing very depressed. I felt as though I had to choose whether I wanted to stay on the crazy teenage rebel route or try to be the perfect little prefect. As you can tell, neither of these options was particularly tempting to begin with. So I dropped all the acts and began to shy away from everyone. Even when there was no full moon,  
  
I would go sulk in the Shrieking Shack when I had a chance just so I could be alone. Now that I think back about it, it really wasn't much of a dilemma, but at the time it seemed so important. But anyway.. I remember it so vividly. This one night when I was in a moody stupor, I was sitting in the Shrieking Shack alone considering my options once more. To be perfect or to be a rebel among rebels. Apparently, Sirius had followed me, concerned for my well being, I suppose. He asked me what was wrong. At first I wouldn't tell him because I thought he would think me an idiot, but when I happened to look him in the eyes, I couldn't keep quiet any longer.."  
  
He looked at Harry who seemed to be waiting on bated breath.  
  
"..I told him how they had made me feel when they taunted me about being a prefect. When they made fun of my prefect duties. He didn't seem to understand why this had such an impact on me at first. I confessed how much both he and your father meant to me. How important their opinions were and how I didn't want to be bullied and ridiculed because I had been appointed to some stupid position. It wasn't as if I had applied for it. He said he understood then apologized. And if you could have heard the pure sincerity in his voice.. I was amazed really. I had expected him to say something rude to me about being some big sensitive wimp or something of the sort. But he didn't. He truly understood me. And.. I just looked at him and all I could do was give him this dumb smile. Then-.. Then he hugged me.." he broke off. Harry could have taken a knife and cut the emotion in the air at that very moment.  
  
"The last thing in the world I ever expected to happen.. happened. And that's the best way I can tell it. That's where it really began," he finished off rather lamely.  
  
Harry allowed Lupin to reminisce for a minute before he spoke. "So basically, it all began because Sirius really tried to understand you?"  
  
"I guess," said Lupin.  
  
"He really cared for you a lot," said Harry thoughtfully.  
  
Lupin forced a smile but said no word.  
  
They sat there awkwardly, entrapped by silence. After a few minutes Harry became overwhelmed by the empty air between them and stood up, pushing his seat back a few inches.  
  
To his surprise, Lupin began to speak again. "I suppose they weren't being as bad as what I made them out to be. Maybe it seemed worse because I was so moody at that age anyway.."  
  
"Who isn't?" stated Harry knowingly. His teacher gave a small laugh.  
  
"You would know," responded Lupin. "But at least you're on good terms with Ron again, right?"  
  
"Er.."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"I sort of lost my temper with both he and Hermione this morning. Mind you, this was before I had gone outside to make myself into a ridiculous fool in front of Draco.."  
  
"Love is never foolish."  
  
Harry shook his head. "I disagree."  
  
Lupin was playing with a hole in his robes, not aware of what he was doing. "I believe that love is not foolish. Love is love. You can't put it under some category. If it's true love, then it will flourish. But you must never mistake it with some other feeling."  
  
Harry had no idea what Lupin was going on about, but decided it best not to argue. He already felt guilty enough for bringing up the subject of Sirius once again to his teacher.  
  
"Well, thanks for the talk," said Harry awkwardly. "I have a load of homework to catch up with though."  
  
His teacher nodded as Harry proceeded towards the door.  
  
But before Harry left, he heard Lupin mutter a good luck to him. He thanked his teacher once again then left.  
  
As he walked through the practically empty corridor, he kept hearing Lupin's voice repeatedly in his head. The story had touched Harry harder than he thought it had, especially when Lupin would mention Harry's father. He wondered why both he and Sirius had been so hard on Lupin. He found himself retelling the story in a whisper to himself as he walked along. Before he knew it he was standing outside of the Gryffindor Common Room, in front of the portrait of the fat lady. He just stood there still retelling the story never realizing where he was.  
  
He snapped back into reality when he heard her ask, "Are you going to give me the password or are you going to talk to yourself like a maniac all day?"  
  
-=-  
  
**The End of Chapter 15!**  
  
Note: This was originally going to be the last chapter and it was really different. But on my better judgment, I took it down about two minutes after I posted it because it was just too abrupt of an ending. Anyway, this is not the end of the story. It shall continue on! Sorry to confuse anyone who may have read it.  
  
But anyway, thank you for the reviews!  
  
And please continue reviewing! I know you have it in you. 


	16. Portrait of a Boy

-Rated R for- Drama, Language, Slash, Sexual Content  
  
-Spoilers- All five books.  
  
-Summery- This is a Harry/Draco fic that happens in the sixth year. Draco finds out that sometimes feelings are mixed up.  
  
**Hidden Desires  
  
Chapter 16  
  
Portrait of a Boy**  
  
-  
  
He sat there on an extremely comfy forest green armchair trying to figure out if he was incredibly smart or incredibly stupid. Harry had apologized to him. Harry had even said that he loved him. All the things that he ever wanted from the boy. Yet, he didn't do anything except run away from Harry. Why had he done it? He couldn't understand his own actions. "That was probably my last chance to make things whole again.." He thought to himself bitterly. He felt himself growing steadily more annoyed by his own self. His hands, which were now very cold and clammy, were gripping the arm rests angrily. He had ruined his chances now. There was nothing he could do to repair the damage.  
  
"_Come on_.." he thought, "Maybe I'm being too dramatic." Just then a voice spoke from beside him, startling him so badly that he let out a girlish scream.  
  
"Sorry?" said Pansy, her light eyes scanning him with interest. "Didn't mean to startle you.."  
  
"Oh, it's you.." he said while attempting to slow down his breath.  
  
"Well nice to see you too," she said while clicking her tongue impatiently.  
  
"Whatever," he responded quietly. "What do you want?" he asked.  
  
She put her bag on the floor and sat down in the armchair next to him. "I was just wondering how things went?" she asked looking concerned.  
  
"What do you mean?" he scrunched up his nose slightly.  
  
"Well, I knew that Harry was going to go talk to you.." she responded quietly.  
  
"Oh, you put him up to that, did you?" He asked becoming enraged. "I should have figured really. He would never come to talk to me on his own doing!"  
  
"No really, Draco! Calm down," she demanded, still speaking under her breath. "I just told him that you were out there. I never said he had to talk to you."  
  
"You made him feel obligated, Pansy. When I got you involved with this I never technically intended you to.. well, really get THAT involved!" he said heatedly.  
  
"Too late," she responded almost too coarsely for Draco's liking.  
  
"Do me a favor, just keep screwing your little girlfriend and stay out of things in the future," he said as he stood up positively fuming and rushed away towards his dorm room.  
  
Pansy sighed then stood up and followed Draco. "Draco, wait up..!"  
  
He swung around and shook his fist, "Don't follow me!"  
  
"Or what? You're going to punch me out?" she asked, her arms crossed and a cynical look upon her face.  
  
He glanced down at his own fist then dropped it back to his side. "Well, no."  
  
"Good. What happened between you and Harry?" she asked again.  
  
"Stop being a nosy bitch," he growled softly.  
  
She shook her head furiously. "I refuse to. Now, tell me what happened or I am going to do the punching around here!"  
  
Rolling his eyes, he sat down on the steps leading up towards the dorms and sighed. She sat down next to him and patted him on the back, "It couldn't have been that bad, could it?" she asked while attempting to comfort him.  
  
"I'm such an idiot," he began, talking softly and slightly choking on his words. "It was one of those moments that you hope for. He was there and he apologized. He said he loved me.. It was better than I could have ever imagined."  
  
"So what'd you do?" Pansy asked, softly pulling on strands of his now longer than ever silvery blonde hair absentmindedly.  
  
"I ran away," he responded simply. He buried his face in his hands and rubbed his face furiously.  
  
"You had to have had a reason, Draco. Maybe you just weren't ready.."  
  
"What?" he said. He thought for a moment, "And I was the one thinking he was uncomfortable.."  
  
"Well, he was. This is your first time for anything like this," she said knowingly. "And, I'm telling you, it's really strange at first."  
  
"Like I don't know this," he said.  
  
"I tell you what you need. You both need a good talk. Just sit down somewhere.."  
  
"What? No!" Draco objected. "I can't do that now."  
  
"Why not?" she asked.  
  
"Because I've already made a fool out of myself," he responded. "It's too late to repair this."  
  
"Oh shut up!" said Pansy, smacking him lightly on the head. "It's never too late! Swallow your pride and go the hell out there and talk to the boy!"  
  
He groaned. "Well, it's getting late today, so do it tomorrow," she demanded.  
  
"Whatever," he said, getting up and heading up to his dorm like he originally had planned to. "I'll think about it."  
  
"Yeah, think about it, Draco," she said. "That would be a nice change."  
  
"Night, Pansy," he said ignoring her last comment.  
  
He wondered how much sleep he would get with something like this on his mind.  
  
He lay down on his bed and immediately fell asleep.  
  
-  
  
He remembered those old fairy tales that were always told to good little boys and girls. The perfect stories with the happy endings. His biggest fear was that this would not be like one of those fairy tales. In every part of his aching heart he wished for this to be like the story with the genie and the magical lamp. The one were he could make a wish and it would come true. That's what he wanted more than anything. And though there was magic all around him, none of it could fix how he felt.  
  
Pansy had tried to reassure him and give him helpful advice. He did appreciate it to some extent, but he wondered if Harry's feelings had changed for him since he had last seen him.  
  
These days, nothing turned out right for him.  
  
-  
  
Harry awoke with a start the next morning. Neville had tripped over a small book on the floor and clumsily crashed to the floor with a loud thump.  
  
Rubbing his groggy eyes he got out of bed and dressed. He walked down to the Common Room where Hermione had been standing, apparently waiting for him. He walked by her, ignoring her purposely.  
  
"Come on Harry! Talk to me," she begged.  
  
He bit his lower lip and turned to her. "What?"  
  
"I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry," she said nervously. He said nothing so she continued. "If you like Draco and you say that he's.. changed," Her voice cracked slightly, "Then I believe you. It's not my place to judge you. Not now and not ever. I just hope you didn't mean those things you said to me yesterday.."  
  
"I didn't," said Harry quickly. He hadn't expected this apology from her. "I'm sorry I said them too."  
  
She smiled and took him by the arm. "Great, let's go down to the Great Hall and get something to eat, I'm starved."  
  
They went down to the Great Hall and found seats. Ron came down a few minutes later and sat down across from them without saying a word. Hermione gave Harry a weary look.  
  
Finally Ron looked up, "Ah.." He shifted uncomfortably.  
  
"I forgive you," said Harry with a grin.  
  
"Sweet," said Ron smiling, his pink cheeks glimmering as he began to dig into the delicious breakfast.  
  
Just then Harry noticed Draco casually stroll into the large room, Pansy near his side chatting happily. He was sure he saw her glance over at him, but Draco had most definitely ignored him. He felt himself steadily growing less hungry for the food sitting in front of him, no matter how nice it was smelling.  
  
Hermione made a small coughing noise and nudged Harry with her arm, as if he had not noticed the other boy enter the room. "Yeah, I know," he muttered in response to her annoyingly persistent nudges.  
  
Watching Draco act so casual tormented Harry. He didn't know why, but it did. He felt like Draco should be deprived of any happiness if Harry himself was not involved with it or causing it. As much as he hated to admit it, he was feeling jealous. He was envious that Draco seemed so unaffected by everything while he himself was feeling like a mess.  
  
"It's not fair.." Harry groaned under his breath.  
  
Hermione gave him a look and shook her head. "No, it's not," she responded quietly as if she had read his mind.  
  
Harry sighed tapped his fingers against the table nervously.  
  
He was sick of feeling hopeless.  
  
After lunch Draco decided to skip classes. He felt it best to avoid Harry for a while. No matter how he tried to play off that he didn't give a damn, it was beginning to feel impossible. He was so incredibly jaded. He was just walking around with some faded smile that was leftover from the days before Harry had entered his vacant thoughts. Before he had been conquered by the boy. He wished he could remember those days. It was nice not to worry so much. It was nice not to have calluses on his tired fingers caused by that goddamn quill he couldn't stop writing with. He had to pour out his thoughts somewhere. If he told Pansy everything she would go tell Cho and he was sure of this. There was no trust left in him. The only thought that filled this void of his was a tiny glimmer of hope.  
  
"I love you.." He muttered to himself as he sat on one of the staircases near the classrooms. "What the hell **am I** doing here?" He put his head against the railing and sighed.  
  
"What the hell are **we** doing?" he thought to himself.  
  
-=-  
  
End of Chapter Sixteen!  
  
Note: Okay, yeah this chapter took forever due to the fact that I was finishing up school and all that. You know how it is. So yeah, I know some of you were waiting for this and I wished it could be a little better, but I promise to update soon!  
  
And no worries, there will be some kind of resolution to this crazy hormonal teenage boy emotional roller coaster.  
  
Thank you for all the reviews so far! Please continue reviewing! I know you all have it in you.

Also if you haven't seen it already, this really amazing artist has been working on a webcomic of this story. So you should definitely check it out! www.circleofmist.sphosting.com


	17. As the World Falls Down

-Rated R for- Drama, Language, Slash, Sexual Content  
  
-Spoilers- All five books.  
  
-Summery- This is a Harry/Draco fic that happens in the sixth year. Draco finds out that sometimes feelings are mixed up.

-

**Hidden Desires  
  
Chapter 17  
  
As the World Falls Down**  
  
-  
  
He had an unusually bad feeling in his stomach today. Glancing around the classroom once more, Harry shifted uncomfortably in his seat. So far Draco had missed every class that they shared today and this made him nervous. He thought the most likely scenario was that Draco was avoiding him, but the feeling he had was telling him otherwise.  
  
He glanced up at Professor Lupin who gave him a warm smile. However, Harry could not make himself smile back. "Get yourself together," he thought to himself. "Everything is all right.."  
  
This happened to him often these past few days. He would let his mind wander off from his schoolwork and would become overcome by thoughts. Thoughts that he didn't necessarily welcome, but could not stop. Thoughts filled with Draco. Sometimes they weren't really bad and other times they were terrible. And what terrified Harry the most was that he these thoughts did indeed make him feel so terrified. He knew he loved the boy. He had already come to terms with his feelings. Though he did not know how to really deal with them. Not alone at least. But Draco had rejected him or something like that.  
  
He used the tip of his finger to push his glasses on top of his head and rubbed his sore eyes gently. Little beads of sweat had formed around his brow. He wondered why the classroom was stifling today and why he seemed to be the only one affected by the extreme heat.  
  
Slowly he stood up from his seat and Lupin immediately stopped speaking. "Is everything all right, Harry?" the teacher quickly asked.  
  
"I'm ugh.. I'm feeling sick," Harry responded quietly noticing the class collectively turn and stare at him. He hated it when they did this. "Erm.. Can I please be excused, Professor?"  
  
Lupin seemed to be studying him for a moment. He saw how worried the man looked and waited for an answer.  
  
"Yes," the teacher finally responded. "Yes, of course Harry. You may be excused."  
  
At that Harry gathered up his books, putting them into his bag, and slowly left the classroom. Once he finally left and got into the hallway he sped up. He had no idea where Draco was but he was somehow walking along confidently like he knew his exact location.  
  
Harry continued strolling along several corridors for what seemed to be hours. After a while he felt like giving up. He had no idea where Draco was and could not find him in any of the hallways. He only figured he was probably back in his dorm. He turned and was ready to head to his next class when he happened to glance over at a window at the opposite end of the hallway and saw a figure sitting on the ledge. The sun shone so brightly it seemingly caused a halo effect upon what was a stunningly angelic blonde head buried in two pale, delicately built hands.  
  
Harry let out a small sigh of relief and quietly walked down the hallway towards the boy. He did not want to startle him out of fear that he may fall out the window that he sat so clumsily on the edge of. He finally reached him and only stood next to him, fearing to speak. He was only waiting for something to happen. Some kind of reaction.  
  
Just something.  
  
-  
  
After several minutes Draco finally looked up. He had known Harry had been standing there. He had sensed his presence. He wanted to ignore the small cry of surprise Harry made when he noticed what Draco moving slightly farther on the edge. He wanted to just fall out of the window at that moment. Somehow he believed it could possibly make this better.  
  
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Harry yelled. He didn't care about sounding harsh at that moment.  
  
"Shut the fuck up, Harry.." Draco mumbled, rubbing one of his still tired, slightly raw wrists.  
  
"Is this what you're going to do?" Harry asked much softer now, choking on every single word that left his mouth. All he could for that moment was watch the beautiful boy who had been bathed in perfection wallow in his own self-destructive nature.  
  
"Yes! If it makes it better, I will!" Draco growled quietly, looking into the storm that was forming behind Harry's eyes.  
  
"How the hell does this make it any better?"  
  
Draco sat there thinking for a long moment. He didn't know what he was doing anymore and that scared him. "Listen, you have to promise not to stop me.." he finally said.  
  
"Stop you?" Harry eyes widened slightly not knowing what Draco was going on about.  
  
"I seriously fear for my sanity.. What is left of it at least. I need to sacrifice myself and just end this."  
  
Harry could not believe that Draco seemed so serious about this. He stopped himself from crying. He did not want to cry from Draco. He took a deep breath. "Sacrifice yourself? What the fuck, Draco? You're not Jesus fucking Christ, you know!" His voice was as strong as he could make it for now.  
  
Draco ran his tongue over his dry lips and shook his head. "I've made a mess of things, Harry. I'm the one who started this and we both know that it's never going to work. And as long as I am here, I'm going to continue complicating everything. I never wanted to hurt you, Harry. I never wanted to like you or do anything that could be remotely wonderful.. That's why I have to go and end this.."  
  
"No!" Harry's voice had a violent tone now. "First off, you may have started this but it doesn't mean I ever had to fall back. So you're wrong if you think you made a mess of this. I screwed it up.."  
  
Draco raised his eyebrow. "How can you say that?"  
  
"Don't you understand? You only liked me, Draco.. And somehow in all the madness I ended up falling in love with you. Well, that obviously scared the hell out of you. And not to mention the countless times I have hurt you. This is my fault. I made everything more complicated than it was ever meant to be. All I can do is beg for your forgiveness and ask that you don't do anything else to put yourself in harm's way.. Because if you do, I can never really forgive myself."  
  
"No, you're definitely wrong," Draco responded softly. Harry made a face not believing that Draco could still possibly protest.  
  
"You see, Harry.. I fell in love with you as well. I've never scared myself so much before. Me, Draco Malfoy, incapable of anything except for hate and animosity, has fallen in love," He got up from the edge of the window and stood opposite of Harry. "And not just that.. Oh no, I fell in love with Harry Potter. The enemy among enemies. And you see, I've been so scared for my family name and what everyone else will think that I forgotten to remember what this is all about.."  
  
"Um.. What's that?" Harry asked.  
  
"Don't be daft, Potter. Love. What a stupid little thing too. Who'd think that a four letter word could cause so many problems?" Draco said in the same quiet voice with a hint of a smirk on his face. "And when something such as this bothersome little bugger won't go away, people do crazy things.."  
  
"Crazy indeed.."  
  
"Does that clear away any of those clouds of confusion?"  
  
"Kind of," Harry responded, looking down at the floor.  
  
"Kind of? Well I was hoping for more than 'kind of.' After all of that.." Draco muttered while rubbing his chin thoughtfully.  
  
"You've got to promise me something now," Harry said quietly, still watching the ground.  
  
"Maybe I will when you stop being so fascinated with my shoes.." Draco responded crossing his arms in a defiant manner.  
  
Harry ignored that and looked up at Draco. "You've got to promise you're not going to do anything stupid.."  
  
Draco shrugged and leaned against the window ledge once more. "Is that all?"  
  
"That's all."  
  
"Well, that's a stupid request seeing as I do something stupid everyday." Draco smirked again.  
  
"Just promise." Harry's tone was firm.  
  
Draco bit his lower lip and watched him before he answered. He could not believe he was even having this conversation and that things almost seemed to be clarified. "Yeah, I promise."  
  
"Good."  
  
"Persistent little bitch.."  
  
"Shut up."  
  
They both stood there awkwardly watching each other. All they really could hear was their own breathing and the current loudness of their nervous heartbeats.  
  
Harry nervously swallowed and turned, "I have to get to class.."  
  
"Mm yeah, I better go too." Draco said, picking up his own book bag and walking ahead of Harry.  
  
-  
  
They walked along next to each other in silence until they reached the Potions' dungeon and entered separately finding this usual seats.  
  
Professor Snape shut the door to the classroom and hastily walked to the front of the room. The look on his face was especially fiendish as he rubbed his hands together. "Silence." He bellowed dramatically. Everyone looked around curiously. None of them had been talking so they were surprised by his extra amount of edginess. "Today is the last day that our little 'love' potions project. They finished lastnight and cooled over night so quickly get yours out of your cauldron and bottle it, then label it. Then we are going to select a few students to test it on.." his smile was so cold it made the class collectively shiver.  
  
They did as they were told and bottled their potions nervously. A few of the girls were whispering and giggling as if they were excited about it. After everyone was finished they returned to their seats. The amount of tension in the room seemed to rise at that very moment.  
  
"Good, good.." Snape muttered as he strolled around the room examining their bottles. Once more he returned to the front of the class. "Neville Longbottom, open your bottle and drink your potion. It's completely the wrong color and I seriously doubt if it will work."  
  
Neville gulped nervously as he uncorked the bottle and shakily put it to his lips. He drank it down and made a horrible face afterwards. He suddenly become rigid and announced, "I love Ginny Weasley!" His muscles seemed to relax afterwards though he was bright red and Ron was shooting him bad looks and cursing under his breath.  
  
Harry truly thought that the look on Snape's surprised face was priceless. It had actually worked.  
  
Snape regained his composure and seemed to be ready to make an embarrassment out of one of his other students now. He looked around the classroom and Harry was sure he was going to pick him next. He could almost swear that he was going to be picked..  
  
"Draco Malfoy," Snape announced. "Test your potion out."  
  
Harry's heart seemed to skip a beat as everyone turned to watch Draco who seemed to be totally relaxed with his shoes up on his desk and the potion bottle already in his hand. "Are you sure you want me to do that, sir?" Draco asked with a mischievous expression.  
  
"Yes! I am quite sure of what I want."  
  
"Really? Maybe you'd like to think about it further.."  
  
Snape snarled. "I am quite capable of knowing what I want."  
  
"Ah, are you sure about that? Because I really don't think you're going to like the words that come out of my mouth.." Draco responded curtly.  
  
"Just take the potion!" Snape yelled angrily at the student.  
  
Draco raised his eyebrow. "As you wish." He uncorked it and glanced over at Harry. "Aye, cheers." He then drank it down quickly.  
  
His face become stone like and expressionless as his body took the same rigid form that Neville's had taken only mere minutes ago.  
  
"I love.."  
  
**The end of chapter 17!**  
  
-=-  
  
Notes: Sorry. Man, I know cliffhangers piss people off ( if you classify that as one). But chapter 18 is coming soon and it just may be the finish of the story.. but I do not know yet.  
  
Also, I am going back to edit over the entire story.  
  
Thanks for all the great reviews and please continue to do so!  
  
Also I must insist (if you have not yet) that you visit the great webcomic of this story! 


	18. Inside Out

-Rated R for- Drama, Language, Slash, Sexual Content

-Spoilers- All five books.

-Summery- This is a Harry/Draco fic that happens in the sixth year. Draco finds out that sometimes feelings are mixed up.

-

Hidden Desires

Chapter 18 

Inside Out

-

He watched him move about in front of him. The way the other's past the shoulders perfectly kept black hair would fall in front of his dark eyes with equally dark lashes could keep him hypnotized forever. His movements weren't exactly graceful as he did another impression of their classmate Severus Snape and collapsed on the soft ground next to Remus. "This is stupid," Remus thought secretly to himself. It was stupid after all. Falling for your friend is a very foolish thing to do. But he convinced himself that he was only mesmerized by Sirius just the way everyone else was. Definitely not falling.

"Remus, Remus," James sighed dramatically after he said his classmates name, "Well he's just the cute little teacher's pet, now isn't he?"

"Watch out, James," warned Sirius in a theatrical manner. "He could give you detention."

"He would never!"

Sirius shook his head. "That boy.. Oh, he's a tough one." He then flashed a perfect white smile over towards their classmate who was currently sitting by a nearby tree immersed in a book and not amused by the newfound attention they had turned on him.

"Tough?" James repeated as if he hadn't quite Sirius correctly. "Maybe on a full moon.."

Peter fell over laughing as if someone made an incredibly funny joke. "Full moon! Full moon! Good one, James!" Sirius and James both looked at Peter in disbelief. Both seemed to be wondering why they still let him tag around with them. But of course, they had their reasons.

"What an ass," Sirius muttered glancing over at Peter then, again flashing Remus a grin.

Remus ignored it and finally looked over the top of his book at his classmates who so easily mocked him and his position. He knew that they were just joking; but regardless, it still bothered him. He stood up, brushed his robes off, then walked away from the three without so much as a word. He was tired that day and it showed. His usually neat dirty blonde hair was much messier than usual because he had forgotten to brush it. It's not like he really cared about his appearance anyway. He found caring about such things useless.

He walked into the castle that was seemed to be especially busy at this time. Students were roaming around and there was a sweet smell drifting around. He sniffed the air knowing that the house elves were located somewhere in the castle and were cooking at that very moment.

"Hey, Lupin!"

He quickly turned around and saw a face that he always welcomed. Lily Evans approached him with a warm smile that he found comforting. Her face matched the sweet scent in the air and her personality matched.

"Hello, Lily," he responded almost so quietly it was barely audible. He wondered why she had addressed him by his last name but he did not ask.

She continued walking on with a few friends still flashing the same smile in his direction.

But James liked Lily. He knew it. She knew it. And Lily liked James. Remus dwelled on it. It was not that he was lusting after the girl or anything like that at all. He only envied them. It could not be helped.

Sirius had someone as well. Actually, Sirius had many ones. He went through girls like he went through snide remarks that were directed towards their classmates of the Slytherin house.

Sirius could have anyone he wanted because Sirius was beautiful, charming, and didn't give a fuck about what anyone thought of him. Not even the girl's hearts that he broke on such a daily basis.

Remus envied this more.

It could not be helped.

-

The Shrieking Shack wasn't really a pleasant place to be. The discolored wallpaper hung from the decaying wood of the walls, the floors creaked when a mouse ran over the surface, it smelled of rot, and mildew covered the ceilings. He came there regardless. He had to make a decision.

To escape from responsibility and the terrors that came with such a strenuous load was his greatest desire. He wanted to make the ringing taunts disappear from his head. That was why he came to this godforsaken place more than he needed to.

Sometimes he only felt worthless. He caused trouble when he didn't mean to and nobody really paid that much attention to him unless there was a full moon. To make it worse, his best friends didn't even give a damn about him. That's what ticked him off.

He inhaled, taking some dust in with the oxygen and sneezed.

"You come here more than it is necessary," said a soft low voice behind him.

Remus turned around and glanced up at Sirius, "Oh. Hi."

Sirus leaned against a nearby wall that made a creaking noise from the pressure despite the lightness of his frame.

"Oh, hi?"

"What?" Remus looked down towards the floor. He ignored the fact that Sirius seemed flabbergasted at the unfriendly greeting.

"What's up with you?" asked the dark haired boy, while running his finger over a dust covered table that he stood next to.

"Nothing," Remus lied. He could not look up or into Sirius' harsh gaze. He could not lie to those eyes.

Sirius stayed silent while watching his friend and shook his head. He withdrew from the wall and paced in front of him.

"You're a terrible liar."

"So what if I am?" Remus' tone was angrier now. He didn't feel like being nice. "You're a terrible friend!"

Sirius shook his head once more. "You don't mean that." His voice was cool and dry, perfectly matching his attitude. Something that disgusted and attracted Remus even more.

"You know what.. fuck you, Sirius. You don't even know I'm alive half the time," whined Remus bitterly.

Sirius turned around and stared at him for a moment. He looked at him as if he had never quite seen him properly before. "You're jealous?" he asked, with a quizzical look playing upon his fair features.

"No.." responded the other after a brief pause.

He pulled Remus up from where he sat by the collar of his shirt.

"Hey! What are you doing?" asked Remus, feeling confused. He couldn't figure out what the other boy's intentions were.

Sirius raised an eyebrow and looked at him hard in the eyes. "You're alive, Remus. How could anyone not notice you?"

Remus' mouth fell and contributed to the dumb look he was already wearing. "I.. I don't feel alive much anymore.." He wanted to kick himself for sounding so stupid and whiny, but he couldn't think straight when Sirius had his body pressed so tightly against his. What was he doing anyway?

Sirius smiled and ran a slender finger over the other boy's lower lip causing him to shiver.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked, shifting in the spot uncomfortably.

Sirius took another eternity to look into his eyes. "You're such a sullen boy," he commented as he placed a delicate kiss in the corner of the other's soft pink lips. "And I just want to make you feel alive.."

Remus was frightened out of his mind. Something inside of him stirred.. actually, a few things stirred. But he had an overwhelming feeling in his stomach and had it somewhere near his heart as well.

Remus was falling in love.

--

Author's note: Sorry for the lack of updates. I was really busy with some other engagements and didn't have the time to get to this. As you can see, this is breaking away from the normal story. Sort of like a bonus chapter. The last few chapters are coming up and this was something I had been wanting to do.

Thanks for all of the great reviews. Please continue reading and reviewing!


	19. To Breathe, To Feel, To Know I'm Alive

-Rated R for- Drama, Language, Slash, Sexual Content

-Spoilers- All five books.

-Summery- This is a Harry/Draco fic that happens in the sixth year. Draco finds out that sometimes feelings are mixed up.

-

Hidden Desires

Chapter 19 

To Breathe, To Feel, To Know I'm Alive

-

"I love Harry Potter."

There was a one collective gasp that rang throughout the room. If you could say that a gasp could ring at all. Then a hush and frantic whispers mixed with giggles were the only thing heard above Snape's heavy breathing.

Draco seemed to be enjoying the reaction that those four words had just caused. He glanced over at Pansy who wore the hugest grin he had ever seen. Crabbe and Goyle seemed thoroughly confused and wore the same stupid looks that they usually had.

"I don't know why you're so surprised," said the blonde, finally breaking the strange silence that held the classroom. "You knew that was going to happen, Snape. Did you have it planned all along?" he asked quietly with a raised brow.

Snape did not answer him however. In fact, Snape did not look like he was capable of much of anything at the moment. The only words he could manage were two and he said them very angrily at that. "Class dismissed!"

Everyone left in a hurry. They were always glad to be able to get out of class early even if it was in a cloud of confusion and shock. On the way out of the classroom a few students pointed at Draco and made faces and whispered threats that he ignored. To his surprise the first person who came up to him was none other than Hermione Granger. He knew why she had come over and only waited for her to speak.

"You knew you didn't have to do that," she said watching him carefully. "You knew it, didn't you?"

"Of course I knew," he responded as he gathered his books and returned them to his book bag. He furrowed his eyebrows slightly when glanced around and noticed that Harry had already left the classroom.

"Then why did you do it?" she asked quietly as Snape left the room to return to his office in what seemed to be a daze.

"To ruffle Snape's feathers," Draco responded with a shrug of the shoulders. He sat on the edge of the desk and watched the Gryffindor girl while finding it quite strange that he seemed to be having a civilized conversation with her.

"Personally, I think he got what he wanted," she commented after a thinking for a moment.

"I believe that as well," Draco said while playing with the bottled he emptied only a few minutes ago. "I mean, what kind of rubbish did he think he was pulling anyway?"

"Funny. It seemed to work for Neville," Hermione responded with a small grin.

"Hm.. well, he's a twit." She made a face at the Slytherin boy. "You know it is true."

"Well he was clever enough to at least act as if something was happening.." she began.

"Yeah, well he was only doing what he thought the potion was supposed to do." Draco's voice trailed off. "Why do you think Snape did it though?" He asked while watching her thoughtfully.

"Why?" she repeated, putting her finger to her chin. "I thought maybe he was testing us. Maybe he was waiting for someone to come along and say, 'Hey, this potion doesn't work, it's just complicated recipe for muffins,'"

"I thought that too," Draco looked down at the desk.

"Hey, it's time for lunch," she said quietly turning to leave.

Draco hopped off the desk and followed her out into the hallway. "I'll.. walk with you," he said softly as he walked alongside the girl.

She gave him a quizzical look. She was not really sure why he was acting this way but it almost made her understand what Harry saw in him. Draco Malfoy was not as bad as she had once believed. "Okay.."

"Hey, Granger."

"Yeah?"

"Was it really a recipe for muffins..?"

"Yeah."

"Oh.. Hey, Granger."

"Yeah?"

"You need to get something done with your hair."

"Go to hell, Malfoy."

-

Everything was spinning. Everything was spinning, confusing, and frightening.

Harry felt his stomach grow cold as he tried not to be paranoid while he sat at the Gryffindor table. Where were Ron and Hermione? He knew that everyone that had been in the class with them was staring at him at this very moment. Somehow he would have believed he was used to this, but the penetrating stares were hard to bear.

It wasn't just the fact that Ron and Hermione seemed to be missing. That didn't bother him nearly as much as the fact that Draco had not yet came in. This left an emptiness in him that he hadn't recognized before. The more he thought about Draco, the less everything made sense. And yet, the more he thought about the boy, the more he didn't care if things made sense. The more he just wished to see him walk in cockily like he owned the world. The way he always appeared. The way his just past shoulder length hair swayed brilliantly as if he always walking in the best breezes provided by God. And his eyes.. Harry couldn't even start with them. The thought of those cool, confident eyes stared into him sent the most magnificent shiver down Harry's spine.

And before he knew it, Ron was sitting down next to him, grabbing a muffin and saying, "Now that was some Potions class. Did you see the look on Snape's face? Holy fuck, it was amazing!"

Harry nodded with a sheepish smile lingering over his face. His last thoughts before Ron had sat down left him feeling uncomfortable. Not that he had any problems with his attraction to Draco, it was just not a great idea to think about him in a room full of people.

Hermione entered the Great Hall smiling like she had just finished laughing at something hilarious. This made Harry curious at first, but saw Draco walk in just a second after her. What in the hell could they have possibly been talking about and more importantly.. when did they start talking to each other?

She still appeared to be recovering from a good laugh as they both separated to their house tables. She sat down next to Harry, giving him a bigger smile than usual and started making herself a salad.

Harry thought she was ignoring the fact that he looked completely confused. "So um.. hi, Hermione."

But his words got lost in Ron talking about the look on Snape's face to Hermione. But she ignored him and abruptly started talking to Harry as if they had already been having a good long conversation.

"Well Harry, Draco is really a nice boy. Who would have thought that under that sneer that he usually wore, there was something.. pleasant? Really! It's quite surprising. And you know what? He's really not bad looking. I can definitely see what you see in him!"

Harry's mouth dropped open as he just stared at her. She had just given Draco Malfoy a load of compliments. That was uncharacteristic and just plain shocking. He figured that they must have had some talk on the way to the Great Hall.

"Sounds like somebody has a crush," Harry teased knowing that this would get to Hermione.

"A crush?" she repeated, looking dramatically bewildered. "Really Harry! You must be kidding."

Harry grinned and said, "I am," his voice grew a bit softer, "Besides.. you can't have him."

"That's right," said a voice behind him that made him jump.

Draco sat down at the Gryffindor table in between Hermione and Harry, causing whispers to be sent up and down the table. Students at the other tables grew curious about the quietness that was coming from the Gryffindor table and started paying attention. And soon a hush was sent across the whole Great Hall.

And Harry wondered if their personal lives were really that fascinating that people would just stop what they were doing to watch him and Draco. Unbelievable rumors were already going around and those who hadn't witnessed what had happened in Potions had already heard at least eighteen different versions of what really did happen that day.

So maybe they thought there would be a fight. Maybe they thought that there would be some creative words being flung back and forth. Or maybe they just thought that they would just start fucking on the table. But they got nothing. Just two boys talking like friends and eating lunch.

Things should have seemed much heavier for Harry and Draco. The whole school had their curious eyes upon them. But they ignored it and found sanity in each other's company.

Since they were the only ones who were actually eating, they finished before everyone else. They got up from the table, their plates and goblets disappearing as they did, abandoned the Great Hall for the outdoors. It just happened to be a lovely day outside and the sun was shining warmly and brilliantly out. The best weather that they had had in ages.

"I guess our secret is out," Draco said with a tone of uncertainty.

"Really? I didn't think there had ever been much of a secret," Harry said as he put his hands into his pockets.

Draco flashed a quick smile and watched a bird flying overhead.

"Do you believe in god?" he asked suddenly.

"Do I what?" Harry repeated, looking at him quizzically. The question seemed so random and he had no idea what it had to do with what they had been talking about.

"Believe in god? Do you?" Draco repeated. His eyes were serious as he started into Harry's, which seemed to be searching his for some kind of explanation.

"I don't know.. why?" Harry responded as he settled himself comfortably under his favorite tree on the Hogwart's grounds.

"I was just wondering," Draco said. "I sometimes wonder if he or she exists and what it thinks about this."

Normally Harry would have just shrugged it off, but he didn't. He found it fascinating that Draco thought about these things. "You mean us?" he asked.

"I guess," Draco responded. He sat down across from Harry in the grass. "I've never read that book or anything.. I mean, what's the point? We're wizards and we're not exactly taught that sort of thing. But I hear Muggles believe that stuff and I've heard that we're not exactly accepted.."

"You're usually the last person to care about what people think," Harry said quickly.

"I know I am," Draco retorted just as quickly. "But that isn't the point. The point is, do you think that this is right or wrong? And if there is some higher being, what do they think?"

"I don't know what a higher being might think, Draco. What I do know is that I think it's right. If I love you, I can't change that whether you're a boy or a girl. You're just you. There is no way that I can possibly control my emotions or feelings for you. This is just how I've fallen."

"So you don't think it's a sin?" Draco asked.

"No," Harry said, squeezing Draco's hand lightly.

"If it is, it would be a nice sin though. Don't you agree?" Draco commented with a playful smirk.

"The nicest sin I've ever known of."

--

The end of Chapter 19

Notes: The 19th chapter. Can you believe it? I can't really. This chapter is a bit on the cheesy side maybe, but it was fun. I'm already working on chapter 20 so stay tuned for that.

What events will trigger something unexpected and reckless in Harry and Draco's relationship? Stay tuned!

Thank you for all the reviews! You know I love to see what you guysthink so please review!

Reviews are appreciated!


	20. Don't Look Back

-Rated R for- Drama, Language, Slash, Sexual Content

-Spoilers- All five books.

-Summary- This is a Harry/Draco fic that happens in the sixth year. Draco finds out that sometimes feelings are mixed up.

-

**Hidden Desires**

**Chapter 20**

**Don't Look Back  
**

-

The weather was perfect. There was a soft breeze and the sun was more brilliant than usual. The grass seemed greener, the flowers seemed more colorful, the birds had a million beautiful songs to sing, and the trees seemed taller and more grand. They laid in the grass and watched the clouds float by.

Inside his mind, Draco had felt he had done something marvelous. For the first time he could honestly say that he didn't care about what his classmates said or thought about him. He could finally escape from the demands of being a "cold-hearted Slytherin" and indeed have feelings for someone. He was no longer bound and restricted. This made him feel more alive than he had felt in ages.

Draco had come to terms with everything he had grown to be. He'd come a long way from the snide, wise-cracking boy that existed only a few months ago. He was stronger now. He wouldn't submit to his parents' wishes and be the person that his father had always wanted to be. That was no longer possible. He now devoted himself to nurturing the relationship between himself and the one that he had fallen for.

Harry Potter.

-

Everything was more dreamlike than he had remembered it. The last time Harry had truly remembered being happy was when Sirius was alive. The thought of living with his godfather had been one of the more cheerful memories he had. When that all came to a crashing halt, he didn't think he could ever really find a way to be happy again.

Someone had helped him feel complete again. It takes a lot to make Harry Potter happy. Sure he was the boy who lived, one of the most admired and powerful wizards of the modern age, and pretty damn nice looking, but what did that help when in the process of being the boy who lived, he lost everything else. He never knew his parents, he never wanted strange people to love him and admire him, and who cared if he was nice looking? (Well, sure several girls and boys care) But what does that change when everyday you continuously feel like hell? He had always felt like something was missing. He had always felt empty.

Now the bitterness wasn't as prominent in his thoughts. In fact, he didn't feel sorry for himself like he had done for a while. There was nothing to feel sorry about.

He felt wonderful.

-

It doesn't take much common sense to realize that skipping classes isn't a smart thing to do. But today was like no other day. Today was full of life and like no other day. Practical thought was not necessary on days like this.

Harry remembered those secret agent movies that he had seen on the television. That's what he felt like as he crept along behind Draco who seemed paranoid about every corner that they turned. His excuse was, "There could be a teacher, damn it. Don't make fun of me!"

They both acted like they were drunk or on some really strong drugs as they snuck around Hogwarts. They finally turned down a hall that Harry was familiar with. He remembered it from the time that he and Ron had disguised themselves as Crabbe and Goyle and snuck into the Slytherin Common Room. Somehow that memory felt a lifetime ago.

They reached the entrance and Draco said the password quite loudly so that Harry heard it as well. He didn't care if Harry knew. Why would he?

The Common Room was completely empty since everyone was in class like they were supposed to be. It looked exactly like Harry had remembered it. Full of green and silver, quite chic, and very lush. He liked how the combination of colors reminded him of their eyes. He couldn't find anything to hate about it anymore.

What surprised Harry was that Draco had his own room. Though after he thought about it, it wasn't so surprising considering how much Draco's father had fussed about everything. Of course he wouldn't mention that. No need of bringing up things that would only ruin the wonderful mood they both were in.

Draco shut the door behind him and sat down on the bed, watching Harry with intent curious eyes. "I know the whole school is jealous," he commented.

"Because we're skipping class?" Harry responded.

"Well that.." Draco beckoned Harry over. "And I have you."

Harry rolled his eyes and grinned. He could feel his cheeks burning and knew he was probably a bright rosy shade of pink at the moment. "I'm sure they all feel deprived," he responded, leaning down and kissing Draco's forward affectionately.

"They should be," Draco responded, putting his arms around Harry's waist. The whole day felt like a dream and he was feeling a bit lightheaded and was totally intoxicated by Harry's presence. He pulled the other boy down next to him in sitting position, holding onto his hand. He never imagined that this would happen. It never entered his mind that he would become so attracted to someone like this. He leaned over and captured Harry's unsure trembling lips in a sweet kiss. A kiss that soon turned into tongues swirling about, discovering each other's mouths once more. A journey like no other. They managed to get the each other out of their shirts and felt their skin touching. The most electrifying sensation that either of them had ever felt.

Draco left a trail of kisses down Harry's smooth stomach, unbuckling his pants and sliding them off. He was pleased with his arousal and licked at it in the most affectionate, erotic way, causing Harry to go crazy. Draco licked, sucked, and pleased him in ways that he never thought were possible. Passion, mounting sexual-frustration, and the strongest love were at play. And Draco was more pleased when for the first time, he truly tasted Harry. The sweet, liquid candy that came from the other boy was everything Draco expected. And when Harry returned the favor, Draco never knew he had such skill. His orgasm was intense and Harry was grateful for every last drop that fairer boy provided. They filled every void that ever existed with each other. It was never enough. Hours of repeated each other's name, moans, sweat, and screams took place. Hours of whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears, biting, kissing, and an intense love broke down every barrier that had ever separated the two.

And several hours later, Harry awoke. He was without clothes and almost forgot what had happened, but when he looked over next to him, a smile came to his face. He quickly remembered the pleasure that had taken place as he watched Draco sleep angelically. He placed a tender kiss in the corner of the other boy's lips. Draco stirred a bit and his eyes fluttered open. He snuggled up against Harry's chest and smiled. "Mm.. who knew that Harry Potter was a fucking monster in bed?" He stared into his brilliant eyes and grinned seductively. "God, I love you," his voice was lazy and sweet.

Harry smirked. Truthfully he had never known whether he would be any good or not. He was pleased with the result though. "I know. It's craziness," Harry replied. He stole another quick kiss.

"I love you too," Harry said finally, yawning afterwards. He wondered what had happened to his glasses, but figured they must have gotten lost during the chaos. It didn't matter if he had them or not though, because when he was with Draco he couldn't see clearly anyway.

Draco smiled and kissed Harry's jaw line. "Harry?"

"What?"

"Will you be mine forever?"

"Forever is a long time," Harry responded.

"**Exactly**," Draco said quietly.

"Then, of course. As long as you know what you're getting into," Harry said.

"Oh, I already got into it," Draco responded playfully.

Harry laughed and kissed Draco again.

Draco was absolutely content with just staying there under the sheets, bare bodies together, and watching the sun set. He no longer felt empty as he once did. He no longer felt like he had to prove anything like he once did. He could be himself now and loneliness was no longer an option.

It was a magnificent thing to be in love.

The sun set.

**Fin**

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Notes: That's the finale to this teenage boy fiasco. I hope that you enjoyed it. If youhave yet to check out the comic, I assure you that it is definitely worth it. Thank you for all the wonderful reviews that I got throughout this story. I love you all!

Feedback is always welcome. Please review! Or you can e-mail me. 

Thank you!


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